In which I'm a time wastrel
The final few sessions of my TESOL term have imposed upon me dramatic demands of my time. Such demands are, admittedly, one of the reasons I enrolled in this program in the first place, as my post-graduation naught-to-do had begun to nibble away at the tasteless and crumbly but nutritious Zweiback biscuit of my sanity. Writing up fiddly lesson plan after fiddly lesson plan has pretty much been my exclusive engagement recently, and I really don't like it (but because somewhere deep down inside of me stirs a braggart, I'll let slip for the record that as of now I've got the highest standing in the program by quite a margin!). I was telling Whitney about it the other day and dropped the "H-bomb" ("I hate this shit!"), but that's not exactly true. I can't even fairly say I dislike the program, but what I can fairly say is that I'm categorically uninterested in teaching: its practice, its methodology, its training, and, well, pretty much anything not related to its potential for employment and pay. Having the diploma will be a nice fall-back in the future and VCC's program is really an excellent one for it, but damn! Right now I'd like nothing more than to plunge a rusty nail into my eyeball and swirl my brain around. Really. If anyone reads this and has a rusty nail to spare, drop me a line before I change my mind.
But anyway, the more work I have to do the more I procrastinate. This correlation between workload and procrastination is a proud tradition of mine, and just because I'm not currently plagued by a neurotic fear of failure or unmet/unattainable personal expectations as I was at UBC doesn't mean I'm going to sell out and actually get down to business. So I've been doing a lot of other things, some more practical than others. For example, last night I made two batches of pudding (only a half batch remains, and nobody else had any because I'm a sick fatty) and a week's worth of quinoa with various spices, mixed veggies, and sautéed tofu that actually turned out to be tasty, not merely edible like some of the other near-disasters I've wrought in my kitchen. (Could desperation be the mother of heretofore untapped talent? Maybe!) I'd also spent most of the day bemoaning this godawful TESOL pedantry and the year of my life I'm sacrificing to the training alone, and so of course hit up the internet to ogle and basically torment myself with the other things I'd much rather be doing but probably never will.
This is the Hope Diamond of my "I'd rather" mining. The grad program in philosophy has been modified to my advantage (!) since I studied in Copenhagen. Not only is the specialization in phenomenology and philosophy of mind new (as of 2008), but the courses are offered exclusively in English (which is kind of disappointing, actually) and the admission requirements are tenable even for someone with so spotty a record as mine. Hell, I wouldn't even need reference letters! For the longest time, I didn't even visit the Uni Copenhagen philosophy department's site because every time I did it just depressed me that I'd never get there for grad studies, so I consoled myself that I at least had a delicious, nutritious (albeit rather boozy- interesting fact: the philosophy department at Uni Copenhagen has the fewest students of any in the Faculty of Humanities, but spends the most money of any department on alcohol!) taste of it when I was there on exchange. This looks realistically doable, though. Maybe my head has managed to clear or come out of the clouds in the year I've been away from direct academic pressure and the whole stuffy, competitive, oneupmanship of the university (read: university philosophy) world, I don't know. But I'm going to give it a go for my sake and for Copenhagen's, because I know how it's been pining for me since I left.
Another thing that's helped to steel my resolve is my dread of being stuck in a teaching job for any longer than it takes to earn enough money and CV cred to pursue my own serious aims and interests. I've heard a lot of stories, several of which from people I know fairly well as acquaintances, about getting a TESOL/TEFL certificate or diploma as a means to an end and then settling into it as a career. Yes, I'd love to travel all over the world and get paid to it, but I'd get tired of it. Certainly not of the traveling, but of the brain-numb and the regret that I never managed to do what I wanted to do. So maybe dangling Uni Copenhagen Philosophy carrots in front of myself from time to time will actually bring me to the finish line someday.
But anyway, the more work I have to do the more I procrastinate. This correlation between workload and procrastination is a proud tradition of mine, and just because I'm not currently plagued by a neurotic fear of failure or unmet/unattainable personal expectations as I was at UBC doesn't mean I'm going to sell out and actually get down to business. So I've been doing a lot of other things, some more practical than others. For example, last night I made two batches of pudding (only a half batch remains, and nobody else had any because I'm a sick fatty) and a week's worth of quinoa with various spices, mixed veggies, and sautéed tofu that actually turned out to be tasty, not merely edible like some of the other near-disasters I've wrought in my kitchen. (Could desperation be the mother of heretofore untapped talent? Maybe!) I'd also spent most of the day bemoaning this godawful TESOL pedantry and the year of my life I'm sacrificing to the training alone, and so of course hit up the internet to ogle and basically torment myself with the other things I'd much rather be doing but probably never will.
This is the Hope Diamond of my "I'd rather" mining. The grad program in philosophy has been modified to my advantage (!) since I studied in Copenhagen. Not only is the specialization in phenomenology and philosophy of mind new (as of 2008), but the courses are offered exclusively in English (which is kind of disappointing, actually) and the admission requirements are tenable even for someone with so spotty a record as mine. Hell, I wouldn't even need reference letters! For the longest time, I didn't even visit the Uni Copenhagen philosophy department's site because every time I did it just depressed me that I'd never get there for grad studies, so I consoled myself that I at least had a delicious, nutritious (albeit rather boozy- interesting fact: the philosophy department at Uni Copenhagen has the fewest students of any in the Faculty of Humanities, but spends the most money of any department on alcohol!) taste of it when I was there on exchange. This looks realistically doable, though. Maybe my head has managed to clear or come out of the clouds in the year I've been away from direct academic pressure and the whole stuffy, competitive, oneupmanship of the university (read: university philosophy) world, I don't know. But I'm going to give it a go for my sake and for Copenhagen's, because I know how it's been pining for me since I left.
Another thing that's helped to steel my resolve is my dread of being stuck in a teaching job for any longer than it takes to earn enough money and CV cred to pursue my own serious aims and interests. I've heard a lot of stories, several of which from people I know fairly well as acquaintances, about getting a TESOL/TEFL certificate or diploma as a means to an end and then settling into it as a career. Yes, I'd love to travel all over the world and get paid to it, but I'd get tired of it. Certainly not of the traveling, but of the brain-numb and the regret that I never managed to do what I wanted to do. So maybe dangling Uni Copenhagen Philosophy carrots in front of myself from time to time will actually bring me to the finish line someday.