When?
I don't really know what to write, but at the same time I feel the need to write. So much is happening right now. I just moved in with my grandma. The thought is to be taking care of her. The truth is, at least right now, she needs very little taking care of. So what the heck am I doing here? I almost feel at this point I'm the one who needs to be taken care of more. By me. I have no job, no money, etc. But somewhere deep down I know it will be fine. But do I really, I mean really, believe that? I want to say with everything I am that I do, but I don't. At least on the surface. Deep down is where my faith that God will pull me through is. But I keep screwing things up that I doubt I'll every get to the destiny God has for me. I wish the hammer would just fall. I wish there was just some divine change in my thought process. In the way I act and do things. I know it's just one right decision after another, but it all seems so slow. I'm confused about so much. It's slowly coming together though. I know that much. I just feel like the whole world is crashing around as I steadily climb upward. It's a scary and wonderful feeling all in one. I have Jesus Christ in my life. He is my source and I know that and I believe that. But when is the point when I stop knowing and just start being? That I want to know.