Illusion (Final)
I try to push him away, with the little strength I muster from kissing him. He doesn’t let his hand go from my wrist, the tightened grip of his touch on mine. Maybe telling me that he really won’t let me go yet.
“You’re hopeless” Hissing, I rudely pull off from his hand, walking briskly away from him.
Sensing that my tears would fall in any minute, I harden my jaw and clench my fist, everything to make it seem like it is nothing. That I am not hearing any breaking of my insides, that there is nothing but familiar and agonizing pain going on in every part of my chest.
“I won’t let you go anywhere this time” Yonghwa says, snatching my wrist once again while I am just few walks away from my car.
“What else do you want? Can’t you understand? I don’t like you!” With every lie I speak, I feel my heart ripping into horrible huge pieces, making it harder for my breathing. “Don’t cling on me, Jung Yonghwa. I never liked you” I add, as if convincing more myself than him.
“Stop it, Joohyun. Stop it” His eyes spitting iciness, the hard tint of blackness speaking strong emotions at me. He means business, it is the first time I see him working up against his patience. “You are only making a fool out of yourself”
“Fuck you. Stop pretending what we had is something, Jung Yonghwa. Forget about me like what I’ve been doing” I just hope that my tears will not fill up my eyes soon. Why can’t he leave now? “Isn’t it your just curious about me? I’ve grown tired of pretending for you”
His grip on my forearm tightens, maybe unwillingly, like how his eyes are looking scarier by the passing seconds. “You know it isn’t like that”
“Isn’t like what?” I am growing weaker as we continue this endless argument. I can’t think of any good reasons anymore, my mind needs to rest, I just want to hug him, to lean on him.
I watch him contemplate on something, the way his throat moves, his eyes flicker down to my lips and back to my eyes. “I like you” I feel like he pours a cold water all over me, my muscles tensing, eyes widening, heart racing and cracking all at the same time. It is not the reply I am thinking he would say. “I like you, Seo Joohyun. Maybe more…” His husky voice showing weakness, like he bares everything just for me, I continue staring at him.
Cold and hard. Opposite of the pleasant feelings I feel with his announcement.
“No you don’t” I whisper for myself. “You think you like me because I am not the usual girl who would throw herself at you”
I take a deep breath, growing tired of the circle that we are walking at. “I do not understand any of these, Joohyun. But maybe, yes, you caught my attention because of the things I’ve been hearing at school. You’re untouchable, aloof and a bitch. And when I knew that you were coming with us and confirmed everything. I found you fascinating, you don’t care about anything else. You do your work and hide from anyone” The only thing I hear is my heart beating in my ears, his voice bursting in longing, the memories of their training. “But I see you beneath the mask you put on, the coldness you let everyone knows, I began to realize how different you are. I don’t know when it started but I start thinking and worrying about you, it’s all about you, Seo Joohyun”
My knees begin shaking again, begging him to just stop and leave me alone. I don’t need these truths to hear, I should not be seeing him now. I should have left the moment I saw him. I quickly see Nicole standing by the wine bar’s guard probably hearing everything.
I gain a bit of strength from her, strength to push him away. I run to my car, slamming the door close, my hand finding it hard to start the engine. Gasping, I see Nicole hopping at the passenger seat carelessly. I just look at her, horrified, finally driving away from Yonghwa.
“What are you doing?” I ask, my voice coming out cold.
“I heard everything” Her nonchalance makes my heart beat a bit fast. I don’t want her to think of anything.
My grip on the steering wheel tightens, putting all my energy in it, hitting the acceleration faster. I don’t have the energy to pretend that I am still the same lovely girl she knew back then. I exhale loudly, still chanting in my mind to save my tears later.
“Joohyun, stop the car” She says calmly.
I glance at her, thinking if I should stomp on the acceleration more. Anything to tell her that I am not in the mood for anything, to even care for my life and to listen to her. Nicole thoughtlessly turns the steering wheel to our right, fortunate that lesser cars are driving at 2.30 in the morning, nothing happens but my irritation increasing.
“Shut it, Nicole” I’m glad that she decides to put her want first and shuts her mouth.
The drive to their house has been quick but awkward. I nearly forget that somebody is with me with the repetition of what occurred earlier, with my heart shouting at me, with my world rotating on the opposite side. My hands are still at the steering wheel when I stop in front of the familiar big house of the Jungs.
It is the first time I feel awkward around Nicole, it was never like this for us. I stare at the lightened road before us, waiting for her to just leave me alone.
“I’m sorry, Joohyun” From the corner of my eyes, I see her take a deep breath, wishing herself good luck for whatever she is planning. “I’m sorry for not being there with you. For not fulfilling my duties as your best friend” I stay frozen on my seat despite that she switches her place and already looking at me. “I’m sorry for……being such a heartless bitch. For only thinking about myself”
I swallow the huge pressure in my throat before opening my mouth. “I don’t need any of these right now”
“No. Minhyuk told me everything. How you coped with your loss, about Uncle Myungdae how…I don’t know, different you have become” She quietly reaches out for my hand, squeezing it for a bit. “Throughout the week, I tried to see Yonghwa but he becomes distant as soon as we couldn’t contact you. Then I remember when we were at the restaurant, I noticed everything, the way you look at each other, the way you move when he moves”
Shaking my head, I pull my hand back and run my fingers through my hair, the shaky breathing is back again. I am so close to hyperventilating, my heart beating so fast that it makes me pant already. “Stop this, Nicole. I don’t need this. I don’t appreciate this”
“Honey, you two are miserable when you are apart” I let her stare at me while I still hold on to my mask, to pretend that she is wrong. “Come in, spend the night here”
Closing my eyes, the tears starts flowing from my eyes, as if it’s just waiting for some cue from her. I take a deep breath, counting a minute before driving inside and park beside the black car. I lean back, suddenly feeling exhausted from the chaos I have put myself to.
“I’m here, Joohyun. You need to stop pretending you are a bitch because you’re not” I hear a tint of wit in her voice before hopping out.
Spending time with Nicole lets me reminisce of the time when everything in my life is still light, her presence calms a large part in my heart. The awkwardness we had back in the car is gone as soon as we lie in her newly-bought comforters. Thankful for her silence, I let the tears to continue flowing until I feel tired of sobbing.
Days passed since I’ve gained my best friend again, nothing much happened within those days, she guides me back to how I am supposed to be. I try to go back to my life with optimism, going out with her and Minhyuk as much as my classes and work will allow me. She makes me realize that work for my parents is not a bad thing, judging me as someone who chooses to only see the dark side of my world.
“What’s this all about, Mom?” I whine just like how I do when I was a child.
Mom called while I was on my way to the office after finishing two of my classes and luckily avoiding Yonghwa in the building. Though I have thought about what I should do about him, I feel the coward part of me ruining everything. I still don’t have the courage to face him yet.
I watch her sigh dramatically, seeing the side of her lips creasing in contemplation. “You must be noticing how your father and I aren’t going anywhere these few weeks” I tilt my head in realization, I have been too caught with my life that I taken for granted that little fact. “And lately, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about our family” She reaches out for my hand that is holding the glass that I ordered.
“Mom…I don’t-“ She interrupts me by squeezing my hand.
She looks determined to say her agenda for this sudden meet-up. “I know that you feel that we’ve changed after Jonghyun left us-“
I try to pull my hand from her, feeling my heart beat nervously. With the way she starts her speech and the softening of her eyes, I know I won’t like this meeting.
“Honey, hear me out. I can’t stand how much you’ve changed because of Jonghyun’s-“
“No, Mom. Stop this-“
She tightens her grip on my hand more, unwilling to let this chance go to whatever point she wants to feed my already messy mind. “Joohyun” She finally says sternly, hinting that she is more than serious about this matter. Then she heaves a sigh when I finally stop fidgeting on my seat. “I’m sorry for not doing anything when you are struggling by yourself. Though we were all hurting, I know how hard it was for you” She stares right through my eyes and I’ve got no choice but to bow my head to avoid tearing up. “But you’ve got to understand where your father is coming from. He really doesn’t want to push you away. Nobody does”
I don’t know why she is suddenly talking about this, how I am slowly realizing and seeing that I might have overlooked my father’s feelings. I press my eyes together, feeling a throb in my head.
“Jonghyun doesn’t like what you are doing, honey. You can do whatever you want, write, go back to the publication”
Finally looking back at her, “Why-why are you doing this?” Why now. Why out of the blue.
She watches as the waiter arrives with our coffees and immediately leaves after bowing, “I don’t know. I think it’s the fact that I regularly see you the past week, seeing how you are cold towards your father, how drained you are. Honey, you have to stop keeping everything to yourself” I softly tug my hand back to put it over my face, shaking a bit from the gush of realization of what is truly happening in my life.
“I don’t know, Mom. Spending much time in the office makes me realize a lot of things. About this…everything” Locking myself in a quiet place such the office at their company, gives me a lot of moment to contemplate and arrange my thoughts. And now that my mother is confirming how I have been harsh and unfair to everyone especially my father, the realization is hitting me hard now.
“I hope it’s a good realization then” I force myself to smile as I watch her answer the call from her cell phone. “I am seeing you later at Kim Jangwook’s launch party right?” Chuckling at the hint of strictness and command at her voice, I only nod and walk her to the car that is already waiting for her by the main door of the restaurant. She leaves a peck on my cheek before leaving.
Taking a deep breath, I spend the remaining hours before preparing for the party with Nicole. She volunteers to do my make-up and hair while we are in the midst of our shopping. I willingly give her a nod, indulging her with her wants. She has always love to pretend that I am her doll even when we were small, giving me the prettiest look a nine-year-old girl can come up with expensive make-up stuffs from her mother.
I share the brief meeting I had with my mother, telling her the truth from my heart. Because despite the awful thing she did on our first meeting, I trust her enough with her sincerity to make up with me again.
“She’s right, you know” She starts, settling ourselves at the backseat of her their family car as we make our way to their house.
“Maybe…I just want to take things step by step” I shrug, focusing on the endless brand stores moving outside.
It takes us hours to prepare with the endless conversations we have, it has always been like this between us, the chats are endless, laughter echoing around her room, trying out dozen of dress and clothes. Light and fun, this is my life as Nicole’s best friend.
We arrive at the party an hour late, not that it means anything, it is just another party we have to attend for formality’s sake. We enter the newly-opened bar our arms hooked in each other. I am dressed in a dark blue tube dress that almost touch the floor without the heels I have, Nicole decides to go for a sexy straight hair tonight with the smoky make-up. While she goes for the black little dress we’ve bought earlier, her short hair ironed straight to match with mine.
The first hour is spent communicating with the numerous important people and few media covering the social event. I am on my way to get myself a non-alcoholic drink, if ever they have one, when I bump into my parents looking young enough to fit in a launch party of a bar for young adults.
“Joohyun” Mom calls, her eyes twinkling in approval with how I look tonight. “You’re here with Nicole?” I nod, trying to ignore the awkwardness I feel with my father around without the urge to immediately walk far away from him. “You look stunning. Thought I should let you know” She adds with a hint of joke and proud in her voice.
I let out a short laugh, something I haven’t been doing for years around my parents. “So are you, dear Mother” She looks great with the flesh off-shoulder dress that has been touched up with diamonds all over. I slowly shift my eyes to my father, remembering the pictures I’ve seen of him when he was in his twenties, a heartbreaker he was. Wearing another new set of his Armani suits, his black hair combed from his still-handsome face. Then I just smile when he catches my eyes. “Go have fun”
There were a lot of good times with my father. I was still young, unaware of everything, and I was just happy every day. I looked forward to our summer trips somewhere with ocean, the yelling from the children, he would usually sit at a sun-lounger watching us with a content smile on his face. With my reminiscing, I watch him from the buffet table where I get my white wine.
He had gone through a lot in inheriting his parents’ business, a world-renowned car brand. The sleepless years, long work hours and perfect grades in school to prove that he deserves to be a part of then-growing business. He has a sharp mind, one of a kind ideas and personality fit to attract people.
“Joohyun” I am in the midst of sipping from my wine when I hear the voice that has been haunting me for days. My heart reflexively beat loudly when I take a deep breath after gulping the cold liquid.
After a long moment, I finally look up at him, hardening my jaws when I see how his looks still doesn’t improve from the last time I saw him. The dark circles, stress lines and straight face, all are still present on his beautiful face. He must be confused as to why I am just looking at him when I cursed him the last time.
And because I am used to annoy anyone with my ability to shut my mouth all the time, I don’t have any problem staring at him, now that I am slowly putting my life back on its track. I linger my eyes on every part of his face, knowing that beneath the stress it shows, he still looks gorgeous, slightly smiling when I look at his mole under his eyes.
Yonghwa lets out a deep breath, relieving himself from the hell he is putting himself through. He probably sees the longing expression in my eyes with our staring. Freeing his stress out, he finally curves his lips, somehow showing the slight dimple that rarely shows off on left cheek.
Slowly blinking my eyes when he snakes his arms around my waist, sighing the pleasure I feel from being in his arms again. I sniff the vanilla and manly perfume that he is using, my head spinning in enjoyment.
“God you have no idea how much I missed you” He whispers against my hair.
Maybe he will ask the reason for all the stupid things I did, but as for now, we will be making up the long time of being apart.
Just that.
“You’re hopeless” Hissing, I rudely pull off from his hand, walking briskly away from him.
Sensing that my tears would fall in any minute, I harden my jaw and clench my fist, everything to make it seem like it is nothing. That I am not hearing any breaking of my insides, that there is nothing but familiar and agonizing pain going on in every part of my chest.
“I won’t let you go anywhere this time” Yonghwa says, snatching my wrist once again while I am just few walks away from my car.
“What else do you want? Can’t you understand? I don’t like you!” With every lie I speak, I feel my heart ripping into horrible huge pieces, making it harder for my breathing. “Don’t cling on me, Jung Yonghwa. I never liked you” I add, as if convincing more myself than him.
“Stop it, Joohyun. Stop it” His eyes spitting iciness, the hard tint of blackness speaking strong emotions at me. He means business, it is the first time I see him working up against his patience. “You are only making a fool out of yourself”
“Fuck you. Stop pretending what we had is something, Jung Yonghwa. Forget about me like what I’ve been doing” I just hope that my tears will not fill up my eyes soon. Why can’t he leave now? “Isn’t it your just curious about me? I’ve grown tired of pretending for you”
His grip on my forearm tightens, maybe unwillingly, like how his eyes are looking scarier by the passing seconds. “You know it isn’t like that”
“Isn’t like what?” I am growing weaker as we continue this endless argument. I can’t think of any good reasons anymore, my mind needs to rest, I just want to hug him, to lean on him.
I watch him contemplate on something, the way his throat moves, his eyes flicker down to my lips and back to my eyes. “I like you” I feel like he pours a cold water all over me, my muscles tensing, eyes widening, heart racing and cracking all at the same time. It is not the reply I am thinking he would say. “I like you, Seo Joohyun. Maybe more…” His husky voice showing weakness, like he bares everything just for me, I continue staring at him.
Cold and hard. Opposite of the pleasant feelings I feel with his announcement.
“No you don’t” I whisper for myself. “You think you like me because I am not the usual girl who would throw herself at you”
I take a deep breath, growing tired of the circle that we are walking at. “I do not understand any of these, Joohyun. But maybe, yes, you caught my attention because of the things I’ve been hearing at school. You’re untouchable, aloof and a bitch. And when I knew that you were coming with us and confirmed everything. I found you fascinating, you don’t care about anything else. You do your work and hide from anyone” The only thing I hear is my heart beating in my ears, his voice bursting in longing, the memories of their training. “But I see you beneath the mask you put on, the coldness you let everyone knows, I began to realize how different you are. I don’t know when it started but I start thinking and worrying about you, it’s all about you, Seo Joohyun”
My knees begin shaking again, begging him to just stop and leave me alone. I don’t need these truths to hear, I should not be seeing him now. I should have left the moment I saw him. I quickly see Nicole standing by the wine bar’s guard probably hearing everything.
I gain a bit of strength from her, strength to push him away. I run to my car, slamming the door close, my hand finding it hard to start the engine. Gasping, I see Nicole hopping at the passenger seat carelessly. I just look at her, horrified, finally driving away from Yonghwa.
“What are you doing?” I ask, my voice coming out cold.
“I heard everything” Her nonchalance makes my heart beat a bit fast. I don’t want her to think of anything.
My grip on the steering wheel tightens, putting all my energy in it, hitting the acceleration faster. I don’t have the energy to pretend that I am still the same lovely girl she knew back then. I exhale loudly, still chanting in my mind to save my tears later.
“Joohyun, stop the car” She says calmly.
I glance at her, thinking if I should stomp on the acceleration more. Anything to tell her that I am not in the mood for anything, to even care for my life and to listen to her. Nicole thoughtlessly turns the steering wheel to our right, fortunate that lesser cars are driving at 2.30 in the morning, nothing happens but my irritation increasing.
“Shut it, Nicole” I’m glad that she decides to put her want first and shuts her mouth.
The drive to their house has been quick but awkward. I nearly forget that somebody is with me with the repetition of what occurred earlier, with my heart shouting at me, with my world rotating on the opposite side. My hands are still at the steering wheel when I stop in front of the familiar big house of the Jungs.
It is the first time I feel awkward around Nicole, it was never like this for us. I stare at the lightened road before us, waiting for her to just leave me alone.
“I’m sorry, Joohyun” From the corner of my eyes, I see her take a deep breath, wishing herself good luck for whatever she is planning. “I’m sorry for not being there with you. For not fulfilling my duties as your best friend” I stay frozen on my seat despite that she switches her place and already looking at me. “I’m sorry for……being such a heartless bitch. For only thinking about myself”
I swallow the huge pressure in my throat before opening my mouth. “I don’t need any of these right now”
“No. Minhyuk told me everything. How you coped with your loss, about Uncle Myungdae how…I don’t know, different you have become” She quietly reaches out for my hand, squeezing it for a bit. “Throughout the week, I tried to see Yonghwa but he becomes distant as soon as we couldn’t contact you. Then I remember when we were at the restaurant, I noticed everything, the way you look at each other, the way you move when he moves”
Shaking my head, I pull my hand back and run my fingers through my hair, the shaky breathing is back again. I am so close to hyperventilating, my heart beating so fast that it makes me pant already. “Stop this, Nicole. I don’t need this. I don’t appreciate this”
“Honey, you two are miserable when you are apart” I let her stare at me while I still hold on to my mask, to pretend that she is wrong. “Come in, spend the night here”
Closing my eyes, the tears starts flowing from my eyes, as if it’s just waiting for some cue from her. I take a deep breath, counting a minute before driving inside and park beside the black car. I lean back, suddenly feeling exhausted from the chaos I have put myself to.
“I’m here, Joohyun. You need to stop pretending you are a bitch because you’re not” I hear a tint of wit in her voice before hopping out.
Spending time with Nicole lets me reminisce of the time when everything in my life is still light, her presence calms a large part in my heart. The awkwardness we had back in the car is gone as soon as we lie in her newly-bought comforters. Thankful for her silence, I let the tears to continue flowing until I feel tired of sobbing.
Days passed since I’ve gained my best friend again, nothing much happened within those days, she guides me back to how I am supposed to be. I try to go back to my life with optimism, going out with her and Minhyuk as much as my classes and work will allow me. She makes me realize that work for my parents is not a bad thing, judging me as someone who chooses to only see the dark side of my world.
“What’s this all about, Mom?” I whine just like how I do when I was a child.
Mom called while I was on my way to the office after finishing two of my classes and luckily avoiding Yonghwa in the building. Though I have thought about what I should do about him, I feel the coward part of me ruining everything. I still don’t have the courage to face him yet.
I watch her sigh dramatically, seeing the side of her lips creasing in contemplation. “You must be noticing how your father and I aren’t going anywhere these few weeks” I tilt my head in realization, I have been too caught with my life that I taken for granted that little fact. “And lately, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about our family” She reaches out for my hand that is holding the glass that I ordered.
“Mom…I don’t-“ She interrupts me by squeezing my hand.
She looks determined to say her agenda for this sudden meet-up. “I know that you feel that we’ve changed after Jonghyun left us-“
I try to pull my hand from her, feeling my heart beat nervously. With the way she starts her speech and the softening of her eyes, I know I won’t like this meeting.
“Honey, hear me out. I can’t stand how much you’ve changed because of Jonghyun’s-“
“No, Mom. Stop this-“
She tightens her grip on my hand more, unwilling to let this chance go to whatever point she wants to feed my already messy mind. “Joohyun” She finally says sternly, hinting that she is more than serious about this matter. Then she heaves a sigh when I finally stop fidgeting on my seat. “I’m sorry for not doing anything when you are struggling by yourself. Though we were all hurting, I know how hard it was for you” She stares right through my eyes and I’ve got no choice but to bow my head to avoid tearing up. “But you’ve got to understand where your father is coming from. He really doesn’t want to push you away. Nobody does”
I don’t know why she is suddenly talking about this, how I am slowly realizing and seeing that I might have overlooked my father’s feelings. I press my eyes together, feeling a throb in my head.
“Jonghyun doesn’t like what you are doing, honey. You can do whatever you want, write, go back to the publication”
Finally looking back at her, “Why-why are you doing this?” Why now. Why out of the blue.
She watches as the waiter arrives with our coffees and immediately leaves after bowing, “I don’t know. I think it’s the fact that I regularly see you the past week, seeing how you are cold towards your father, how drained you are. Honey, you have to stop keeping everything to yourself” I softly tug my hand back to put it over my face, shaking a bit from the gush of realization of what is truly happening in my life.
“I don’t know, Mom. Spending much time in the office makes me realize a lot of things. About this…everything” Locking myself in a quiet place such the office at their company, gives me a lot of moment to contemplate and arrange my thoughts. And now that my mother is confirming how I have been harsh and unfair to everyone especially my father, the realization is hitting me hard now.
“I hope it’s a good realization then” I force myself to smile as I watch her answer the call from her cell phone. “I am seeing you later at Kim Jangwook’s launch party right?” Chuckling at the hint of strictness and command at her voice, I only nod and walk her to the car that is already waiting for her by the main door of the restaurant. She leaves a peck on my cheek before leaving.
Taking a deep breath, I spend the remaining hours before preparing for the party with Nicole. She volunteers to do my make-up and hair while we are in the midst of our shopping. I willingly give her a nod, indulging her with her wants. She has always love to pretend that I am her doll even when we were small, giving me the prettiest look a nine-year-old girl can come up with expensive make-up stuffs from her mother.
I share the brief meeting I had with my mother, telling her the truth from my heart. Because despite the awful thing she did on our first meeting, I trust her enough with her sincerity to make up with me again.
“She’s right, you know” She starts, settling ourselves at the backseat of her their family car as we make our way to their house.
“Maybe…I just want to take things step by step” I shrug, focusing on the endless brand stores moving outside.
It takes us hours to prepare with the endless conversations we have, it has always been like this between us, the chats are endless, laughter echoing around her room, trying out dozen of dress and clothes. Light and fun, this is my life as Nicole’s best friend.
We arrive at the party an hour late, not that it means anything, it is just another party we have to attend for formality’s sake. We enter the newly-opened bar our arms hooked in each other. I am dressed in a dark blue tube dress that almost touch the floor without the heels I have, Nicole decides to go for a sexy straight hair tonight with the smoky make-up. While she goes for the black little dress we’ve bought earlier, her short hair ironed straight to match with mine.
The first hour is spent communicating with the numerous important people and few media covering the social event. I am on my way to get myself a non-alcoholic drink, if ever they have one, when I bump into my parents looking young enough to fit in a launch party of a bar for young adults.
“Joohyun” Mom calls, her eyes twinkling in approval with how I look tonight. “You’re here with Nicole?” I nod, trying to ignore the awkwardness I feel with my father around without the urge to immediately walk far away from him. “You look stunning. Thought I should let you know” She adds with a hint of joke and proud in her voice.
I let out a short laugh, something I haven’t been doing for years around my parents. “So are you, dear Mother” She looks great with the flesh off-shoulder dress that has been touched up with diamonds all over. I slowly shift my eyes to my father, remembering the pictures I’ve seen of him when he was in his twenties, a heartbreaker he was. Wearing another new set of his Armani suits, his black hair combed from his still-handsome face. Then I just smile when he catches my eyes. “Go have fun”
There were a lot of good times with my father. I was still young, unaware of everything, and I was just happy every day. I looked forward to our summer trips somewhere with ocean, the yelling from the children, he would usually sit at a sun-lounger watching us with a content smile on his face. With my reminiscing, I watch him from the buffet table where I get my white wine.
He had gone through a lot in inheriting his parents’ business, a world-renowned car brand. The sleepless years, long work hours and perfect grades in school to prove that he deserves to be a part of then-growing business. He has a sharp mind, one of a kind ideas and personality fit to attract people.
“Joohyun” I am in the midst of sipping from my wine when I hear the voice that has been haunting me for days. My heart reflexively beat loudly when I take a deep breath after gulping the cold liquid.
After a long moment, I finally look up at him, hardening my jaws when I see how his looks still doesn’t improve from the last time I saw him. The dark circles, stress lines and straight face, all are still present on his beautiful face. He must be confused as to why I am just looking at him when I cursed him the last time.
And because I am used to annoy anyone with my ability to shut my mouth all the time, I don’t have any problem staring at him, now that I am slowly putting my life back on its track. I linger my eyes on every part of his face, knowing that beneath the stress it shows, he still looks gorgeous, slightly smiling when I look at his mole under his eyes.
Yonghwa lets out a deep breath, relieving himself from the hell he is putting himself through. He probably sees the longing expression in my eyes with our staring. Freeing his stress out, he finally curves his lips, somehow showing the slight dimple that rarely shows off on left cheek.
Slowly blinking my eyes when he snakes his arms around my waist, sighing the pleasure I feel from being in his arms again. I sniff the vanilla and manly perfume that he is using, my head spinning in enjoyment.
“God you have no idea how much I missed you” He whispers against my hair.
Maybe he will ask the reason for all the stupid things I did, but as for now, we will be making up the long time of being apart.
Just that.