It has been too long tooooo long not a real song.
It's very cold in my apartment now that I have cleaned everything up, and my floor looks lonely. Whenever I hear a siren outside, I think that it might be coming for me. Not very rational, is it. I wonder if maybe I've died, but, being dead, I haven't noticed yet. Then I thought it would be kind of interesting if, all of a sudden, a fireman were to break down your door, run into your apartment, and douse it with a hose. Then it would turn out that you'd died in a fire that you never saw, and now you're a ghost. You go about your life talking to people just like you always did, but these are just ghosts of the people you used to know. I wish that I hadn't started a facebook page, because one night I accidentally clicked on my high school graduation year and was presented with pictures of about 800 people that I haven't seen or thought about in four years. I felt horrible, because I was torn between the desire to know that at least one of them had thought about me - just to know that I was relevant - and the hope that none of them had thought of me - because then I'd feel bad about ignoring them. That was my first good cry of the day. Then, since I was in a crying mood, I watched the scenes in Oasis where the deformed girl all of a sudden becomes normal and dances around the room, makes love, plays practical jokes. If those scenes can't make you cry, then you're probably a ghost and if you're reading this, then it's just an extension in your ghost mind of a memory you had of me. And if this is the case, I think I have the right to be very angry at you. Because I'm very lonely tonight.
I went out, I saw:
A building, the smell of whiskey in the street, the parking deck behind my house, broken glass, the girl who interviewed (and rejected) me for University Judiciary, a happy couple that made me smile, a carton of half and half, my favorite coffee server girl from another country, an Asian man sitting by himself listening to music, the corner where I sat on the ground last night and got my only appreciative glance of the evening, the man who plays the fiddle downtown even though he doesn't know how to play the fiddle, a pretty girl coming out of the flat next to mine. She's a new one. The nextdoor neighbor, he goes through a different on every week or so. He's got red hair, and a goatee, and he's a graduate student studying artificial intelligence. At the University of fucking Georgia. And he gets a different girl each week. What am I doing wrong? Or, rather, what am I doing right?
I listened to Snow Drums by Piano Magic, and tokyo by the Books, and Auberge le Mouton Noir by Do Make Say Think. While the last of those songs was playing, I was passing the parking deck. I thought about what a boy today told me about God, I thought about handguns and how cool I look in the jacket I bought in Paris, and how if I had a handgun in my back pocket I would have an excuse to flare my jacket up on the side which makes me look even cooler. I thought about a lot of things that I can't articulate. Which got me thinking: what if we could connect our hearts and minds with wires and think and feel each other's thoughts and feelings? I wonder if this would destroy the human race: would we stop fucking? I probably would. I also wonder, would we develop analogues to heterosexuality and homosexuality in our preferences for sharing thoughts and feelings? Would I be a "straight" sharer, and only connect myselves to females? Do females have interesting thoughts and feelings? Tell me one? You know, kisses are much better than orgasms. The right kind of kisses at least. And the wrong kind of orgasms. And I'm not being a sap, talking about fireworks and that song from the Cher movie Mermaids "it's in his kiss." I can go without fucking a long time, but if girls don't kiss me I wither and die. And by die, I mean masturbate.
I went out, I saw:
A building, the smell of whiskey in the street, the parking deck behind my house, broken glass, the girl who interviewed (and rejected) me for University Judiciary, a happy couple that made me smile, a carton of half and half, my favorite coffee server girl from another country, an Asian man sitting by himself listening to music, the corner where I sat on the ground last night and got my only appreciative glance of the evening, the man who plays the fiddle downtown even though he doesn't know how to play the fiddle, a pretty girl coming out of the flat next to mine. She's a new one. The nextdoor neighbor, he goes through a different on every week or so. He's got red hair, and a goatee, and he's a graduate student studying artificial intelligence. At the University of fucking Georgia. And he gets a different girl each week. What am I doing wrong? Or, rather, what am I doing right?
I listened to Snow Drums by Piano Magic, and tokyo by the Books, and Auberge le Mouton Noir by Do Make Say Think. While the last of those songs was playing, I was passing the parking deck. I thought about what a boy today told me about God, I thought about handguns and how cool I look in the jacket I bought in Paris, and how if I had a handgun in my back pocket I would have an excuse to flare my jacket up on the side which makes me look even cooler. I thought about a lot of things that I can't articulate. Which got me thinking: what if we could connect our hearts and minds with wires and think and feel each other's thoughts and feelings? I wonder if this would destroy the human race: would we stop fucking? I probably would. I also wonder, would we develop analogues to heterosexuality and homosexuality in our preferences for sharing thoughts and feelings? Would I be a "straight" sharer, and only connect myselves to females? Do females have interesting thoughts and feelings? Tell me one? You know, kisses are much better than orgasms. The right kind of kisses at least. And the wrong kind of orgasms. And I'm not being a sap, talking about fireworks and that song from the Cher movie Mermaids "it's in his kiss." I can go without fucking a long time, but if girls don't kiss me I wither and die. And by die, I mean masturbate.