so i had this dream, right?
and let's start by saying that i shouldn't have watched Bastoni the Stick Handlers;
well at least not if i wanted to be able to get through the week without having
at least one dream about the trials and tribulations of me as a porn star.
ps. i should be typing my paper about happy together and in the mood for love now.
anyway so the dream starts with me going to this really beautiful looking building
in fact it looks a bit like the interiors of the corporate building in demonlover
so there's another porn connection, damn my dreams are good.
and everyone sits down in this room in a circle and this is when i realize
that i've somehow signed up to be in an elite porn program for attractive people
and i'm really excited because usually porn people are ugly and these people are well
attractive.
caroline didn't start out being in the dream but at this point she shows up in the
circle of guys and girls sitting around this room. and they're pairing people up now
and the despair hits me when i see caro get tagged with another guy but it's cool
i'm too busy being worried that they'll pair me up with a guy.
and when all of this is over i'm actually angry that i didn't get paired up with
anybody at all. i even vent my frustration at this david-schwimmerish dude
that not even the uglyfat chicks wanted to have sex with me. and so i start
my tutelage under the david schwimmerish dude who subsequently becomes japanese
and the room i'm in becomes a bookstore while he's waiting for me to get an
erection so i can show him that i'd make a good porn star if only somebody
would fuck me. so i finally get an erection and the room is full of random
people now looking at me and gaping and i go over to this bookshelf which the
japanese david schwimmer has taken refuge inside and i show him my length and
he approves by giving the thumbs-up sign from behind a row of books.
i tell him all i'm worried about now is my staying power. i don't think i've ever
been able to do it for more than 30 minutes tops and i know this is a problem if
i want to make it in the porn industry. so he tells me its not really an issue
there are ways to deal with the problem, but he doesn't tell me what those ways are
(i find out later, much to my derision) this is the inclusion of the first of my
major neurotic self-deprecating worries - my lack of staying power in bed - into
the dream as a whole. well that and nobody picked me to do it with. and david schwimmer
probably wasn't a good sign.
so then it must be the next day or so (except even though only three distinct days
were shown to me i recognize that a week has passed by the end), and i'm
coming to work and i see the large-breasted girl from o-house and gilbert hall.
i say to her "hey you went to uga, want to do it with me and film it?"
and she says sorry she would but she pukes every time she tries to fuck on camera
so the company has her doing sickass fetish films and she knows i don't want any
of that. and i agree. i think this part of the dream provides a catharsis for my
attraction to this large-breasted girl who in real life is a creepy fetish in herself.
i mean her breasts are far too large for her body and i shouldn't find her attractive
in the least.
so a third day comes and i'm sitting in a cafe with caro and her new porn roommate.
i can't remember what she looks like but she's skinny-tall and brunette (the roommate).
and i ask caroline how many dudes she's had sex with this week and she says 3 and
i ask her if she's had any orgasms and she says no, but she admits that the dudes she's
been with are much better than i am which depresses me a little.
okay a lot. she says
there's one guy who can only go 40 minutes in bed and he needs to get surgery to remove
1/4 inch from his balls. which scares the fuck out of me because i can only go 30 minutes,
tops.
finally we leave the cafe and i ask caro if she and her new porn roommate will have
a threesome with me and she reluctantly agrees. but she says i should take my own car.
so i walk over to my car and i see this guy holding a large television with a camera on top
and he's taping caro getting into her car. so i go over to him and push him and ask him
if he likes radio raheem from do the right thing. and his face lights up and he tells me,
yes, he loves radio raheem, and how did i know?
and then i wake up. cold sweat.
well at least not if i wanted to be able to get through the week without having
at least one dream about the trials and tribulations of me as a porn star.
ps. i should be typing my paper about happy together and in the mood for love now.
anyway so the dream starts with me going to this really beautiful looking building
in fact it looks a bit like the interiors of the corporate building in demonlover
so there's another porn connection, damn my dreams are good.
and everyone sits down in this room in a circle and this is when i realize
that i've somehow signed up to be in an elite porn program for attractive people
and i'm really excited because usually porn people are ugly and these people are well
attractive.
caroline didn't start out being in the dream but at this point she shows up in the
circle of guys and girls sitting around this room. and they're pairing people up now
and the despair hits me when i see caro get tagged with another guy but it's cool
i'm too busy being worried that they'll pair me up with a guy.
and when all of this is over i'm actually angry that i didn't get paired up with
anybody at all. i even vent my frustration at this david-schwimmerish dude
that not even the uglyfat chicks wanted to have sex with me. and so i start
my tutelage under the david schwimmerish dude who subsequently becomes japanese
and the room i'm in becomes a bookstore while he's waiting for me to get an
erection so i can show him that i'd make a good porn star if only somebody
would fuck me. so i finally get an erection and the room is full of random
people now looking at me and gaping and i go over to this bookshelf which the
japanese david schwimmer has taken refuge inside and i show him my length and
he approves by giving the thumbs-up sign from behind a row of books.
i tell him all i'm worried about now is my staying power. i don't think i've ever
been able to do it for more than 30 minutes tops and i know this is a problem if
i want to make it in the porn industry. so he tells me its not really an issue
there are ways to deal with the problem, but he doesn't tell me what those ways are
(i find out later, much to my derision) this is the inclusion of the first of my
major neurotic self-deprecating worries - my lack of staying power in bed - into
the dream as a whole. well that and nobody picked me to do it with. and david schwimmer
probably wasn't a good sign.
so then it must be the next day or so (except even though only three distinct days
were shown to me i recognize that a week has passed by the end), and i'm
coming to work and i see the large-breasted girl from o-house and gilbert hall.
i say to her "hey you went to uga, want to do it with me and film it?"
and she says sorry she would but she pukes every time she tries to fuck on camera
so the company has her doing sickass fetish films and she knows i don't want any
of that. and i agree. i think this part of the dream provides a catharsis for my
attraction to this large-breasted girl who in real life is a creepy fetish in herself.
i mean her breasts are far too large for her body and i shouldn't find her attractive
in the least.
so a third day comes and i'm sitting in a cafe with caro and her new porn roommate.
i can't remember what she looks like but she's skinny-tall and brunette (the roommate).
and i ask caroline how many dudes she's had sex with this week and she says 3 and
i ask her if she's had any orgasms and she says no, but she admits that the dudes she's
been with are much better than i am which depresses me a little.
okay a lot. she says
there's one guy who can only go 40 minutes in bed and he needs to get surgery to remove
1/4 inch from his balls. which scares the fuck out of me because i can only go 30 minutes,
tops.
finally we leave the cafe and i ask caro if she and her new porn roommate will have
a threesome with me and she reluctantly agrees. but she says i should take my own car.
so i walk over to my car and i see this guy holding a large television with a camera on top
and he's taping caro getting into her car. so i go over to him and push him and ask him
if he likes radio raheem from do the right thing. and his face lights up and he tells me,
yes, he loves radio raheem, and how did i know?
and then i wake up. cold sweat.