(no subject)
when will i ever be 100% happy?
funny thing is i am happy now. Im not depressed even though it probably sounds like I am.
I can't just sit still....I get too ancy. I guess I'm used to hot and cold/volatile relationships which were never healthy for me but it's all im used to.
Things with shaun are nice and very calm and we're doing really well...its just something im not used to. There are certain things i dont like about his past but i do this with everyone.....get upset over stuff that already happened that i have no control and i wasn't even in the picture then. Even if we had met years ago, we wouldn't be the same people we are today so it probably wouldn't work. I know it wouldn't. Even the way I acted two yrs ago is a huge difference to how I am today.
I want to write a book but it would be difficult i think for people to understand since my thoughts are always all over the place. I'm thinking I might need to start taking my anxiety medication again for a little bit. I'm worried about everything...its so annoying. I hate feeling like a dissapointment to others but especially myself or that I dont measure up or I'm not good enough. I've felt that way my entire life....i have such issues that i thought would go away but maybe they are getting worse.
funny thing is i am happy now. Im not depressed even though it probably sounds like I am.
I can't just sit still....I get too ancy. I guess I'm used to hot and cold/volatile relationships which were never healthy for me but it's all im used to.
Things with shaun are nice and very calm and we're doing really well...its just something im not used to. There are certain things i dont like about his past but i do this with everyone.....get upset over stuff that already happened that i have no control and i wasn't even in the picture then. Even if we had met years ago, we wouldn't be the same people we are today so it probably wouldn't work. I know it wouldn't. Even the way I acted two yrs ago is a huge difference to how I am today.
I want to write a book but it would be difficult i think for people to understand since my thoughts are always all over the place. I'm thinking I might need to start taking my anxiety medication again for a little bit. I'm worried about everything...its so annoying. I hate feeling like a dissapointment to others but especially myself or that I dont measure up or I'm not good enough. I've felt that way my entire life....i have such issues that i thought would go away but maybe they are getting worse.