tired and bored
so cory and i made it to a year on may 7, 2008. it was a very rocky year and i'm still dealing with things that happened during that time, but i'm happy to be with him. there are still some problems and they are not little ones, but hopefully now that they are the only things we fight about hopefully they will be resloved. on the weekend of my birthday we got into one of the worst fights we've ever been in. it was over the way he talks to me and the way he treats me. i'm tired of being a human punching bag just because i'm there. i don't deserve to be yelled at all the time and i'm tired of being scared to tell him anything cuz i'm afraid of how he'll react and what new thing he'll say to hurt me. and on the day before my birthday he blew up at me and i lost it. we went back to the hotel room and i called his mom to tell her that i was going to be coming home to get my car cuz i was not going to stay with him here. and of course he took the phone and hung up on her and kept my phone so i couldn't call anyone. and so we fought and i just let everything out. and i got mad and i told him i'm tired of it, and that i'm tired of being yelled at and that the way he treats me is WRONG and i finally told him that i'm more afraid of him than i ever was of arnold because of the fact that cory hurts me but saying whatever he can that will upset me, and by just emotionally distroying me. and i was crying and he finally realized what he's done. and he said sorry for the millionth time and i told him i don't believe him, i don't believe sorry cuz he's said it so many times, and if he were really sorry he wouldn't do it anymore, but somehow he always does. and i think it finally hit him cuz i told him i was done. and that i didn't want to spend my bday with him which he knew i was looking forward to for months so for me to say that was huge. so i ended up staying and he's been better since then, but there's still the issue of him drinking and going to bars and clubs with his friends. and he keeps saying i don't let him have friends and i keep him locked up, when my answer is if he would tell me where he's going, who he's with and when they go somewhere else then i'd feel better. i'm never going to like him being at bars and clubs cuz of the fact that people go there to hook up and i don't like that. and mroe than anything i HATE that he drinks when he's there cuz he's driving, and he doesn't know when to stop, and when he's drunk who knows what will happen. and he got very angry at me and said i'm controlling his life and all this other stuff and when i finally told him that i don't trust him cuz he can't ever say no to his friends i think he finally got it. i'm tired of him being immature and blaming me for everything that goes wrong in his life. and i just hope that things are really getting better cuz i can't take much more of this. i will not be with an alcoholic that i don't feel i can trust alone and i will not be with someone i'm afraid of so something needs to really change.