"YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO!? YOUR ONLY JOB IS TO MAKE MY WEDDING EASIER FOR ME! HOLY FUCK. THAT IS YOUR ONLY JOB AND YOU'RE FAILING SO HARD!!!!!"
I loled. Sorry.
I sort of know how you feel. I hope things get better for you. It is kind of amazing how people view weddings and their part in them.
For what its worth, I've been following your posts and I've loved everything so far.
It is interesting how much tradition is wrapped up in weddings. My family is SO against superstition, but they still think it's bad that we're having our pictures done before the ceremony because 'he shouldn't see you in the dress beforehand!'. Ha. I don't get it.
I'm sorry your Mom is being a nightmare, my Mom hasn't been such a peach either. Thankfully, my sister is much older than me ((17yrs)) and my MOH and she has been able to wrangle our Mom and divert a few disasters. My Mom doesn't like about 90% of the things we're doing//I'm wearing & she always makes THIS FACE when I talk about things! Ugggggh! hahaha
"your wedding is about your families! It's not just about you two!" Were we birthed from the same woman? I think so! LMAO!
The face! YES! My mom has a 'face' too. It's so frustrating.
The family thing is hard. I mean, obviously families are a big part of a wedding, but they aren't the ones who should be deciding anything about it (unless they're paying). It's nearly impossible to tell my mom that without being hurtful. She just goes off saying, 'I didn't raise you this way. I raised you with strong family values!'
That whole whine about how "weddings are about family" really is starting to piss me off, too. It's all emotional blackmail and manipulation and spotlight-stealing. (anyone who uses that old saw really wants to say "NO! THIS IS ABOUT MEEE" but doesn't have the balls/ovaries) Weddings should be about the bride and groom, and representative of their lives - not anyone else
( ... )
Yes, yes, and YES! You are SO right about it being emotional blackmail and manipulation. That is EXACTLY what it is. I told her, "Why can't you just think of it as an awesome party that you're invited to and all you have to do is show up and have fun?" Because that's all it is!
My mom had been in quite a few weddings, and she said that the level of immaturity that comes out in some of the mothers of the bride that she witnessed was pretty legendary. For some, they don't want to let their baby go. For others, they are horrified that they have a child old enough to wed and are fighting age. Or it's a combination of the two.
Me and my mom are so very headed in the very same direction. She came to visit me two weeks after we got engaged to start planning an event I'd never thought on in my life - and sidelined me into a few decisions that I'm regretting now. Long story short, I'm about to cancel the entire thing she's planned, and start planning a picnic wedding from scratch.
I think moms get super tied into an idea of a wedding they dreamed of for you - and forget that while it is about the families as well - it's primarily about the two of you starting a life together, and thus the ceremony needs to be about the two of you. And then they go and take it personally.
And you MOH....OMG! That's the very reason I didn't pick my sister as MOH - she's halfway across the country, and could flip out about anything at any moment. Maybe ask her to step down as MOH, and ask a close local friend to take the position instead? Tricky family politics, granted, but might make your life easier as far as the actual wedding.
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I loled. Sorry.
I sort of know how you feel. I hope things get better for you. It is kind of amazing how people view weddings and their part in them.
For what its worth, I've been following your posts and I've loved everything so far.
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It is interesting how much tradition is wrapped up in weddings. My family is SO against superstition, but they still think it's bad that we're having our pictures done before the ceremony because 'he shouldn't see you in the dress beforehand!'. Ha. I don't get it.
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"your wedding is about your families! It's not just about you two!"
Were we birthed from the same woman? I think so! LMAO!
::hugs:: Lets rant together!
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The family thing is hard. I mean, obviously families are a big part of a wedding, but they aren't the ones who should be deciding anything about it (unless they're paying). It's nearly impossible to tell my mom that without being hurtful. She just goes off saying, 'I didn't raise you this way. I raised you with strong family values!'
Bleh.
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A Practical Wedding asked a mom to weigh in on it, but it was barely better than a stream of consciousness that amounted to, "Oh, we're going through a lot of emotion." That's nice, but so are we! (the article, if you're interested: http://apracticalwedding.com/2011/04/ask-team-practical-mamadrama-revisted/#more-11008)
Anyway, I am pouring you an imaginary cocktail and shaking my pompoms that you stand your ground. YOU CAN DO IT!
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OMG that's exactly what my mom is doing!
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I think moms get super tied into an idea of a wedding they dreamed of for you - and forget that while it is about the families as well - it's primarily about the two of you starting a life together, and thus the ceremony needs to be about the two of you.
And then they go and take it personally.
And you MOH....OMG! That's the very reason I didn't pick my sister as MOH - she's halfway across the country, and could flip out about anything at any moment. Maybe ask her to step down as MOH, and ask a close local friend to take the position instead? Tricky family politics, granted, but might make your life easier as far as the actual wedding.
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