in other words i want someone who's not afraid of themselves
Today was a day of fun & too many hostess snacks that my grandma got free at the bakery. I was wowed by my Anthropology teacher and his teachings, then went to Staples so I could get crafts to finish my project. All in all, it was an okay day.
...Honestly, I am all over the place today. I was talking to my friend Emma over text message, and after she gets her massage therapist license, she tells me that she's going to move far far away. And I've noticed this trend with other people, not just myself & Emma. I know that Em (another friend) wants to leave too. We all have our reasons. We want to get away from our families, our guilts, & hide somewhere far away where no one can get us and look in the eye and judge our past actions. But truthfully, I don't think you're ever free of ridicule. guilt is like the plague; it follows you miles and oceans, and most probably laughs at your pitiful attempts to try to be free of it.
As far as my own battles go, I am constantly trying to be better. A better friend, a better daughter & even a better person. I try to watch what I say to people, but I will defend myself if I need to. I try to be honest without being harsh. I'm trying to drink more water. There is always room for improvement.
But then sometimes I feel like I should shout a big "fuck you" to everyone and every single thing. And I guess that is the current war within me & it's not a fun one to fight. It's part of the reason why I need to get away from here: to hear myself think. To make myself better, even if I have to do it by running away.
I just want to go somewhere and be myself. Not a different person like most people want. Just myself, no holding back & no buts about it. I have spent most of my life either toning myself down for certain people, or altering myself to fit who they wanted to talk to. And that is work. It gets very tiring. & I often walk away feeling like a big fat liar, even though that is not what I mean to do. It is vital for my health and my sanity (and maybe em & emma's too) that we get away from here, other wise we won't be able to break free.
So I think it's okay if you're running away from whatever/whoever you're running from- as long as you're sprinting and stopping for the occasional snack a long the way.
Be nice to your soul. as far as we know, you only get one.
...Honestly, I am all over the place today. I was talking to my friend Emma over text message, and after she gets her massage therapist license, she tells me that she's going to move far far away. And I've noticed this trend with other people, not just myself & Emma. I know that Em (another friend) wants to leave too. We all have our reasons. We want to get away from our families, our guilts, & hide somewhere far away where no one can get us and look in the eye and judge our past actions. But truthfully, I don't think you're ever free of ridicule. guilt is like the plague; it follows you miles and oceans, and most probably laughs at your pitiful attempts to try to be free of it.
As far as my own battles go, I am constantly trying to be better. A better friend, a better daughter & even a better person. I try to watch what I say to people, but I will defend myself if I need to. I try to be honest without being harsh. I'm trying to drink more water. There is always room for improvement.
But then sometimes I feel like I should shout a big "fuck you" to everyone and every single thing. And I guess that is the current war within me & it's not a fun one to fight. It's part of the reason why I need to get away from here: to hear myself think. To make myself better, even if I have to do it by running away.
I just want to go somewhere and be myself. Not a different person like most people want. Just myself, no holding back & no buts about it. I have spent most of my life either toning myself down for certain people, or altering myself to fit who they wanted to talk to. And that is work. It gets very tiring. & I often walk away feeling like a big fat liar, even though that is not what I mean to do. It is vital for my health and my sanity (and maybe em & emma's too) that we get away from here, other wise we won't be able to break free.
So I think it's okay if you're running away from whatever/whoever you're running from- as long as you're sprinting and stopping for the occasional snack a long the way.
Be nice to your soul. as far as we know, you only get one.