In Which Alec and Michael Talk
Alec was in House's office staring out the window left hand pressed to the glass. He was thinking about his brother, and his father, and about nothing at all. His right hand idly drew protective spells across the glass. The symbols making an ethereal light only he could see. It was calming. And he needed that. He was thinking nothing because his thoughts kept skittering away before he could really sort them out anyway. Jinx was half asleep under the chair in front of House's desk.
House sat at the chair in the corner of his office watching him quietly, spinning his cane between his fingers as he did. It had been a long few hours and he hadn't said much, but at least Alec was here. That was a big step forward in the right direction. As much as House wanted to blame things on Michael, he knew that Ben was the real source of the problem here, and he really didn't know what to say on that. But after a moment, he figured it'd probably be best to break the ice.
"He's probably awake by now."
Alec's tracing finger stopped for a moment as his brain took that in. It took him another second or two to give an outward sign that he'd heard and understood. He nodded. "Good. That's good. I'm glad." And he was. No matter what else had happened he in no way wanted to see harm come to his brother.
House paused for a moment, continuing to spin his cane gently. "Normally, someone would want to go and see them."
"I do." There's a pause before he completes the thought out loud. "Want to see him I mean. But. . . but what I wasn't really isn't the issue right now."
"You don't think he wants to see you."
"It's more like know." He wouldn't look at the other man.
"Things change," House shrugged. "Near death experiences do funny things to people."
"And what if things haven't changed?" He shook his head. "No gonna force him to say it twice."
House paused quietly for a moment, seeing the Winchester patriarch starting to come up the hallway from where he was sitting. "Maybe Dean will have something to say about that. He seems to be spending a lot of time with the kid."
"They have a lot to talk about." He didn't move. Jinx also saw Dean but didn't move or alert Alec.
"Oh, I'm sure they do. Considering that those two were the ones that took off on you, them talking to each other is just the way things should be working." Dean's hand landed on the door and House was pushing himself to his feet, making his way towards the conference room. Normally, he would get coffee or something when Dean was hanging around but the eldest Winchester's latest bout of abandonment hadn't endeared him to House any further than he already had, and knowing the state Alec was already in, he wasn't going far.
Jinx put a paw over his eyes in a very human manner.
Alec let his head rest against the glass. "Ben has a right to be angry at me. I'm guilty of everything he's angry at me for and then some." He rubbed a hand hard over his face, not wanting to think about how alone he was going to be again when Ben was ready to leave the hospital. His father had come back because Ben needed his, not because he was ready. "I wont ask my father to stay if he's not ready to. The world doesn't revolve around what I want."
The conference door closed behind House and Michael had walked in in time to hear the end of what Alec was saying. He paused for a moment, letting the door close behind him again. "But I would come back if you asked me to. If you needed me to."
There was a quick intake of breath as Alec turned quickly enough that he almost lost his balance. It was clear he hadn't expected to see his father here. Or at all if he was going to be honest with himself. He was a mess and sometimes he even knew it. "Dad." It was a breath more than anything else. He swallowed hard. "You.. . " He paused. "You said you needed the time." What Alec needed was to not be left alone, but it wasn't right to put himself first. He understood why his father needed time. It wouldn't have been right to ask the man to stay.
Michael sighed slightly, before starting to make his way closer. "But that doesn't mean that I want you to be in pain." And Alec was. He felt it, but he hadn't known what to do with it at the time, so unless he had been addressed directly, he was giving Alec his space. He had been certain that while Alec had taken things well initially, he had things he needed to deal with as well, and that maybe some space was what all the Winchesters had needed. Apparently he had been wrong.
Alec bit his lip and had to put effort into not throwing himself at the man. "I. . ." he shook his head not exactly sure what he was trying to say. "I can't always fix what I ruin but at least I can not make it worse for the other people involved."
He frowned slightly, and at this point he was close enough to place his hand on Alec's shoulder. "You didn't ruin anything. At least, not that I'm aware of."
Alec leaned into the touch and then had to stop himself from moving closer. "Then you haven't been talking to your brothers."
Dean continued to frown. "I don't understand."
"This... entire mess is my fault."
"No, Alec. This is hardly your fault." Michael knew who lay to blame and it certainly wasn't his son.
"Amy. I..." He looked away. "Amy."
"Amy made her own choices," he sighed. "You didn't force her to do what she did."
He looked down. "I didn't listen to Gabriel."
"He warned you about her?"
Alec wouldn't look up. "He said her loyalties where changeable. I said she was my friend." He shook his head. "We were both wrong. Her loyalties never changed."
Michael paused, considering what to say carefully before responding. "I have known Amy for a long time, and I know her very well. We don't get along, but I know her well enough to know that what she did had nothing to do with you and your relationship. I also know that she cares more for Lucifer than he does for her, and that no matter what she did, she never intended to hurt you. She just doesn't think things through."
He sagged, tension he didn't know he'd been carrying seeped out. She hadn't used him. Some of the anger that had buzzy under his skin driving him to keep moving, quieted. "She would have been better off if she had left then. No one would be angry at her. She would have had to make that choice. I needed her. Not the other way around."
"No one faults you for fighting for what you needed, Alec."
"And look what it got us." He hugged his arms around himself.
Jinx, who had been watching, got up then, with a sigh. Angels could be so dense. Almost as dense as his master. He nudged Dean-Michael firmly from behind.
Michael took a bit of a stumble forward, and looked back at the dog with a bit of a look. He was dense, yes, but he wasn't stupid. He knew his son. The hug was coming, he just had something that needed to be said first. "If you hadn't fought for Amy, according to your theory, Lucifer would still be trapped inside your uncle, as oppose for being back trapped in Hell where he belongs. That is a good thing, isn't it?"
"Yes but... " His left hand trailed across the glass of the window. "It never would have happened at all. Never should have happened." he shook his head. "I gave Meg the shot she needed to get to Ben. Everything came after."
Jinx subsided at Dean-Michael's look, but he thought that maybe Alec would listen better after. If at all. His master wasn't quite right in the head.
Michael moved forward, sliding an arm around Alec's shoulders gently before speaking again. "Things were in motion long before you came into the picture. Long before you were born. There was nothing you did directly that caused any of this. Alec, this is not your fault."
Alec went board stiff for a moment and then he melted against his father, forehead against Dean-Michael's shoulder. He didn't say anythign and didn't want to.
Michael let him take the time that he needed, more than willing to wait for whatever his reaction was.
Alec just stood for a long time, his hands slowly coming up and fisting in his father's shirt. He was afraid if he let go the man would leave and he'd be alone again. He didn't want to ask, but he wasn't sure he could take it again.
Michael shifted so that he was rubbing his back lightly, keeping his son close. "I didn't mean to leave you thinking that."
Alec shook his head against the man's shoulder. "Just don't go again? Please."
"I may have to. Orders. But I will come back, and -- not for a while. At least not until after your brother is better."
Alec's hands tighten for a moment in anger and his jaw tightened. It wasn't that his father might have to leave to do God's will. That was duty and love. It was that his father promised to stay until Ben was better. Not until they were both okay. But then he took a deep breath and let it go slowly, and loosened his grip a bit with effort. He wouldn't complain. His father was here. Ben had a harder time that Alec. He needed the attention more.
"Okay." It was barely a whisper.
This time around though, Michael could feel the anger, as oppose to just taking his son's words at face value, and he knew that he had said something wrong. He watched Alec carefully for a moment, before speaking up again. So far he'd been told that voicing thing was better than just pushing away, but it was still awkward when he had to do it.
"What did I say?"
Alec made an unhappy little noise at being caught and he shook his head a little face still pressed to his fathers shoulder. "Sorry. Sorry."
"No, tell me," Michael said softly. "I didn't mean to upset you."
"Just being selfish." It was clear from his tone that he meant himself.
"You're allowed that sometimes, Alec."
"What if. . " His shoulders hunched, like maybe this wasn't okay no matter what his father said. "I'm not okay."
Michael paused for a moment, staying close. "I didn't mean that I would leave as soon as Ben was better, Alec. I just meant that I knew I wouldn't be getting orders for at least that long. If you need me to stay, I can ask for more time."
He nodded, "Okay." And this time he meant it without reservation.
"Okay," Michael nodded, before stepping back from him with a sigh. "If you'd like to see your brother, there are some things I need to explain first."
Alec let him go. He bit his lip, unsure that his brother wanted to see him but nodded any way a little jerkily.
Michael nodded, before gesturing for him to sit in one of the chairs in front of House's desk. "Your brother was kidnapped by a creature called a djinn."
Alec sat, fidgeted for a moment and then bounced up to perch on the back of the chair, feet in the seat. He didn't like felling caged in. "Ah hell." Alec knew what djinn was.
Michael recognized that before nodding. "In his mind, he was in that alternate world for nearly twenty years. He might not react to you in the way you expect him to. He's still trying to readjust."
"Is that. . . why we couldn't find him?"
"No. We couldn't find him because he was being warded somehow. We -- the garrison -- believe that the djinn was working with someone. Someone who knew how to hide themselves from angels."
"I. . .don't like that. Not at all." He eeled out of his seat to move around the room nervously. "I couldn't track him. Even with blood, and like calls to like. Jinx couldn't either."
"The guy knew his stuff," Michael sighed. "It's not -- comforting, to say the least."
He crossed his arms and wrapped his hands around his own upper arm and held tight. A gentures House might recognize as Alec having more energy and thought rolling around than he knew how to manage right then. "I'm gonna skip right over into saying it's bad."
Michael nodded. "Ben also wanted me to tell you that he's sorry, for the things that he said before."
Alec looked away. "he had a right to be angry with me."
"Why?" Dean asked. "Did you do something wrong?"
"When you went. . .that mess with Meg," He wandered back to the window. "I freaked out. And ran. I took the Impala and ran. After everything that happened to Ben, I left him. I just. . . left." His hand comes up to press against the glass.
"Now it seems as thought you're even," Michael said gently. "This is something you can put behind you."
"I don't think I'm a very good brother."
"Because you left, once under a time of great stress?"
"Because I left, because I draw trouble like a lode stone. Because I'm always needing help, but not helping."
Michael paused for a moment, trying to consider the best way to approach this. "Maybe you should look at this as your opportunity to help? You haven't had the chance before, maybe this is you being given it."
Alec's head tilted and then he turned to look at his father. "Is this one of those 'God works in mysterious ways.' things. Or just good parenting. Or crazy person managemeny?" He didn't sound upset. On the contrary, he sounded curious.
Michael paused for a moment, uncertain for a moment. "A mix of the first two? But probably more of the first."
"You only say that because you were always shakey with that whole 'good dad' think. Or so you thought. You were actually pretty good at it. Are pretty good at it." There was a pause, "Shit. Tenses trouble. Anyway. Yeah."
He gave Alec a small smile, before nodding. "Wherever the advice comes from, your brother wants to see you, Alec. He wants to make amends."
"He doesn't have to." He shrugs and waves a hand movements loose instead of the coiled tension he had not long ago. "He's my brother."
"I'm sure he'd rather hear that from you himself."
"I'll try." He ducked his head and then looked up at his father again in a little boy fashion. "Is that okay? Good enough for now?"
Michael nodded. "He's going to need your help getting himself back to where he was before the incident. I think he will take whatever you're willing to give."
"Okay." He gave that serious thought. "It's just that I'm. . ." He waved a hand at his own head. He was aware of his current failings.
"You'll help each other, then." He was relatively certain that Alec's current state had more to do with him being alone for so long than anything else. Spending some quality time with his brother would probably do him good.
"Yeah. I think that's how it's supposed to go."
Michael nodded, watching him for a moment, before taking a breath. "Whenever you're ready."
"You ever think that you'll never be ready?"
"As an angel? No. There's a certain degree of certainty that comes with the gig. As a human, though? Often."
Alec makes a pouty face at him. It's mostly joking. "Cheater."
He smirked. "I can't help the way I was made, Alec."
"I feel jipped. I'm supposed to be genetically superior." He was very serious. "And where'd my natural born feline arrogance go? I didn't know you could misplace things like that."
"Arrogance is something that can easily modified, I've found. It may not seem like it at first, but it is."
He wrinkled his nose. "Well I miss it."
"I'm sure that if you really need it, you'd find a way to get it back."
"Sam has the Impala. And I uh, closed up the house." Because there's nothing like an unwarented subject change.
"I gave Sam the Impala," Michael said with a nod, before there was a bit of a pause. "And I know about the house."
"I just. . .didn't want to be there alone."
"I know. I understand," Michael nodded. "It was just a surprise."
"Micky's watching it for us." He pauses, either hesitating or gathering his thought. Sometime he isn't sure which.
"Because you said you'd be back, so."
Michael nodded. "Good. That someone is looking out for it."
House sat at the chair in the corner of his office watching him quietly, spinning his cane between his fingers as he did. It had been a long few hours and he hadn't said much, but at least Alec was here. That was a big step forward in the right direction. As much as House wanted to blame things on Michael, he knew that Ben was the real source of the problem here, and he really didn't know what to say on that. But after a moment, he figured it'd probably be best to break the ice.
"He's probably awake by now."
Alec's tracing finger stopped for a moment as his brain took that in. It took him another second or two to give an outward sign that he'd heard and understood. He nodded. "Good. That's good. I'm glad." And he was. No matter what else had happened he in no way wanted to see harm come to his brother.
House paused for a moment, continuing to spin his cane gently. "Normally, someone would want to go and see them."
"I do." There's a pause before he completes the thought out loud. "Want to see him I mean. But. . . but what I wasn't really isn't the issue right now."
"You don't think he wants to see you."
"It's more like know." He wouldn't look at the other man.
"Things change," House shrugged. "Near death experiences do funny things to people."
"And what if things haven't changed?" He shook his head. "No gonna force him to say it twice."
House paused quietly for a moment, seeing the Winchester patriarch starting to come up the hallway from where he was sitting. "Maybe Dean will have something to say about that. He seems to be spending a lot of time with the kid."
"They have a lot to talk about." He didn't move. Jinx also saw Dean but didn't move or alert Alec.
"Oh, I'm sure they do. Considering that those two were the ones that took off on you, them talking to each other is just the way things should be working." Dean's hand landed on the door and House was pushing himself to his feet, making his way towards the conference room. Normally, he would get coffee or something when Dean was hanging around but the eldest Winchester's latest bout of abandonment hadn't endeared him to House any further than he already had, and knowing the state Alec was already in, he wasn't going far.
Jinx put a paw over his eyes in a very human manner.
Alec let his head rest against the glass. "Ben has a right to be angry at me. I'm guilty of everything he's angry at me for and then some." He rubbed a hand hard over his face, not wanting to think about how alone he was going to be again when Ben was ready to leave the hospital. His father had come back because Ben needed his, not because he was ready. "I wont ask my father to stay if he's not ready to. The world doesn't revolve around what I want."
The conference door closed behind House and Michael had walked in in time to hear the end of what Alec was saying. He paused for a moment, letting the door close behind him again. "But I would come back if you asked me to. If you needed me to."
There was a quick intake of breath as Alec turned quickly enough that he almost lost his balance. It was clear he hadn't expected to see his father here. Or at all if he was going to be honest with himself. He was a mess and sometimes he even knew it. "Dad." It was a breath more than anything else. He swallowed hard. "You.. . " He paused. "You said you needed the time." What Alec needed was to not be left alone, but it wasn't right to put himself first. He understood why his father needed time. It wouldn't have been right to ask the man to stay.
Michael sighed slightly, before starting to make his way closer. "But that doesn't mean that I want you to be in pain." And Alec was. He felt it, but he hadn't known what to do with it at the time, so unless he had been addressed directly, he was giving Alec his space. He had been certain that while Alec had taken things well initially, he had things he needed to deal with as well, and that maybe some space was what all the Winchesters had needed. Apparently he had been wrong.
Alec bit his lip and had to put effort into not throwing himself at the man. "I. . ." he shook his head not exactly sure what he was trying to say. "I can't always fix what I ruin but at least I can not make it worse for the other people involved."
He frowned slightly, and at this point he was close enough to place his hand on Alec's shoulder. "You didn't ruin anything. At least, not that I'm aware of."
Alec leaned into the touch and then had to stop himself from moving closer. "Then you haven't been talking to your brothers."
Dean continued to frown. "I don't understand."
"This... entire mess is my fault."
"No, Alec. This is hardly your fault." Michael knew who lay to blame and it certainly wasn't his son.
"Amy. I..." He looked away. "Amy."
"Amy made her own choices," he sighed. "You didn't force her to do what she did."
He looked down. "I didn't listen to Gabriel."
"He warned you about her?"
Alec wouldn't look up. "He said her loyalties where changeable. I said she was my friend." He shook his head. "We were both wrong. Her loyalties never changed."
Michael paused, considering what to say carefully before responding. "I have known Amy for a long time, and I know her very well. We don't get along, but I know her well enough to know that what she did had nothing to do with you and your relationship. I also know that she cares more for Lucifer than he does for her, and that no matter what she did, she never intended to hurt you. She just doesn't think things through."
He sagged, tension he didn't know he'd been carrying seeped out. She hadn't used him. Some of the anger that had buzzy under his skin driving him to keep moving, quieted. "She would have been better off if she had left then. No one would be angry at her. She would have had to make that choice. I needed her. Not the other way around."
"No one faults you for fighting for what you needed, Alec."
"And look what it got us." He hugged his arms around himself.
Jinx, who had been watching, got up then, with a sigh. Angels could be so dense. Almost as dense as his master. He nudged Dean-Michael firmly from behind.
Michael took a bit of a stumble forward, and looked back at the dog with a bit of a look. He was dense, yes, but he wasn't stupid. He knew his son. The hug was coming, he just had something that needed to be said first. "If you hadn't fought for Amy, according to your theory, Lucifer would still be trapped inside your uncle, as oppose for being back trapped in Hell where he belongs. That is a good thing, isn't it?"
"Yes but... " His left hand trailed across the glass of the window. "It never would have happened at all. Never should have happened." he shook his head. "I gave Meg the shot she needed to get to Ben. Everything came after."
Jinx subsided at Dean-Michael's look, but he thought that maybe Alec would listen better after. If at all. His master wasn't quite right in the head.
Michael moved forward, sliding an arm around Alec's shoulders gently before speaking again. "Things were in motion long before you came into the picture. Long before you were born. There was nothing you did directly that caused any of this. Alec, this is not your fault."
Alec went board stiff for a moment and then he melted against his father, forehead against Dean-Michael's shoulder. He didn't say anythign and didn't want to.
Michael let him take the time that he needed, more than willing to wait for whatever his reaction was.
Alec just stood for a long time, his hands slowly coming up and fisting in his father's shirt. He was afraid if he let go the man would leave and he'd be alone again. He didn't want to ask, but he wasn't sure he could take it again.
Michael shifted so that he was rubbing his back lightly, keeping his son close. "I didn't mean to leave you thinking that."
Alec shook his head against the man's shoulder. "Just don't go again? Please."
"I may have to. Orders. But I will come back, and -- not for a while. At least not until after your brother is better."
Alec's hands tighten for a moment in anger and his jaw tightened. It wasn't that his father might have to leave to do God's will. That was duty and love. It was that his father promised to stay until Ben was better. Not until they were both okay. But then he took a deep breath and let it go slowly, and loosened his grip a bit with effort. He wouldn't complain. His father was here. Ben had a harder time that Alec. He needed the attention more.
"Okay." It was barely a whisper.
This time around though, Michael could feel the anger, as oppose to just taking his son's words at face value, and he knew that he had said something wrong. He watched Alec carefully for a moment, before speaking up again. So far he'd been told that voicing thing was better than just pushing away, but it was still awkward when he had to do it.
"What did I say?"
Alec made an unhappy little noise at being caught and he shook his head a little face still pressed to his fathers shoulder. "Sorry. Sorry."
"No, tell me," Michael said softly. "I didn't mean to upset you."
"Just being selfish." It was clear from his tone that he meant himself.
"You're allowed that sometimes, Alec."
"What if. . " His shoulders hunched, like maybe this wasn't okay no matter what his father said. "I'm not okay."
Michael paused for a moment, staying close. "I didn't mean that I would leave as soon as Ben was better, Alec. I just meant that I knew I wouldn't be getting orders for at least that long. If you need me to stay, I can ask for more time."
He nodded, "Okay." And this time he meant it without reservation.
"Okay," Michael nodded, before stepping back from him with a sigh. "If you'd like to see your brother, there are some things I need to explain first."
Alec let him go. He bit his lip, unsure that his brother wanted to see him but nodded any way a little jerkily.
Michael nodded, before gesturing for him to sit in one of the chairs in front of House's desk. "Your brother was kidnapped by a creature called a djinn."
Alec sat, fidgeted for a moment and then bounced up to perch on the back of the chair, feet in the seat. He didn't like felling caged in. "Ah hell." Alec knew what djinn was.
Michael recognized that before nodding. "In his mind, he was in that alternate world for nearly twenty years. He might not react to you in the way you expect him to. He's still trying to readjust."
"Is that. . . why we couldn't find him?"
"No. We couldn't find him because he was being warded somehow. We -- the garrison -- believe that the djinn was working with someone. Someone who knew how to hide themselves from angels."
"I. . .don't like that. Not at all." He eeled out of his seat to move around the room nervously. "I couldn't track him. Even with blood, and like calls to like. Jinx couldn't either."
"The guy knew his stuff," Michael sighed. "It's not -- comforting, to say the least."
He crossed his arms and wrapped his hands around his own upper arm and held tight. A gentures House might recognize as Alec having more energy and thought rolling around than he knew how to manage right then. "I'm gonna skip right over into saying it's bad."
Michael nodded. "Ben also wanted me to tell you that he's sorry, for the things that he said before."
Alec looked away. "he had a right to be angry with me."
"Why?" Dean asked. "Did you do something wrong?"
"When you went. . .that mess with Meg," He wandered back to the window. "I freaked out. And ran. I took the Impala and ran. After everything that happened to Ben, I left him. I just. . . left." His hand comes up to press against the glass.
"Now it seems as thought you're even," Michael said gently. "This is something you can put behind you."
"I don't think I'm a very good brother."
"Because you left, once under a time of great stress?"
"Because I left, because I draw trouble like a lode stone. Because I'm always needing help, but not helping."
Michael paused for a moment, trying to consider the best way to approach this. "Maybe you should look at this as your opportunity to help? You haven't had the chance before, maybe this is you being given it."
Alec's head tilted and then he turned to look at his father. "Is this one of those 'God works in mysterious ways.' things. Or just good parenting. Or crazy person managemeny?" He didn't sound upset. On the contrary, he sounded curious.
Michael paused for a moment, uncertain for a moment. "A mix of the first two? But probably more of the first."
"You only say that because you were always shakey with that whole 'good dad' think. Or so you thought. You were actually pretty good at it. Are pretty good at it." There was a pause, "Shit. Tenses trouble. Anyway. Yeah."
He gave Alec a small smile, before nodding. "Wherever the advice comes from, your brother wants to see you, Alec. He wants to make amends."
"He doesn't have to." He shrugs and waves a hand movements loose instead of the coiled tension he had not long ago. "He's my brother."
"I'm sure he'd rather hear that from you himself."
"I'll try." He ducked his head and then looked up at his father again in a little boy fashion. "Is that okay? Good enough for now?"
Michael nodded. "He's going to need your help getting himself back to where he was before the incident. I think he will take whatever you're willing to give."
"Okay." He gave that serious thought. "It's just that I'm. . ." He waved a hand at his own head. He was aware of his current failings.
"You'll help each other, then." He was relatively certain that Alec's current state had more to do with him being alone for so long than anything else. Spending some quality time with his brother would probably do him good.
"Yeah. I think that's how it's supposed to go."
Michael nodded, watching him for a moment, before taking a breath. "Whenever you're ready."
"You ever think that you'll never be ready?"
"As an angel? No. There's a certain degree of certainty that comes with the gig. As a human, though? Often."
Alec makes a pouty face at him. It's mostly joking. "Cheater."
He smirked. "I can't help the way I was made, Alec."
"I feel jipped. I'm supposed to be genetically superior." He was very serious. "And where'd my natural born feline arrogance go? I didn't know you could misplace things like that."
"Arrogance is something that can easily modified, I've found. It may not seem like it at first, but it is."
He wrinkled his nose. "Well I miss it."
"I'm sure that if you really need it, you'd find a way to get it back."
"Sam has the Impala. And I uh, closed up the house." Because there's nothing like an unwarented subject change.
"I gave Sam the Impala," Michael said with a nod, before there was a bit of a pause. "And I know about the house."
"I just. . .didn't want to be there alone."
"I know. I understand," Michael nodded. "It was just a surprise."
"Micky's watching it for us." He pauses, either hesitating or gathering his thought. Sometime he isn't sure which.
"Because you said you'd be back, so."
Michael nodded. "Good. That someone is looking out for it."