Old stuff
I was thinking about my nephew, my brother's son, who may be sensitive like me, who has puzzled his mother, who has spoken of him to me because when the nephew was an infant, I had a way of comforting him, that they didn't have. She told me I had a special connection with him. She even asked me once, kidding of course, if I would consider making myself available at 3:00am on problem nights.
I've wondered how much of me I should reveal to my brother and his wife, who I also love like a sister, for my nephew's sake. I started remembering the guys I was around in high school, and how they would share with each other, who let them get into her pants, and anything that a girl shared with him in confidence got shared to everyone in PE class, and I was weird. I felt sorry for the girl, and hated being counted as member of the gender that could do this kind of thing to anyone. I was so sensitive.
Something I do need to tell my nephew's mother is to never let him her you say to him, "I think you imagined that". She needs to take the attitude with him, it would probably be good to try to do this with everyone, but especially with him; assume what he tells you is true, and then go try to discover in what way it is true for him. That is so important with a sensitive young boy. Somewhere I learned not to confide in my parents. Somewhere I learned that I would not be believed. I think that was it. My nephew's mother and my nephew's father need to feel safe to their sensitive child. And no matter what my brother must never stop hugging his son. When he reaches adolescence, and his mother becomes uncomfortable being hugged by her adolescent son, the way my mother did, maybe that's normal, I don't know, but it will be so important that his Dad be available if the son needs a hug. Touch dominant boys can be made to feel so foriegn and so . . . I can't think of a good word for the feeling now. I don't think my Dad ever quite figured out how to relate to me, or perhaps I just felt that way when I was around him. I spent lots of time with him, but didn't spend much time with me. I want my nephew to have a difference.
I've watched my brother. He hugs my nephew frequently now.
I've wondered how much of me I should reveal to my brother and his wife, who I also love like a sister, for my nephew's sake. I started remembering the guys I was around in high school, and how they would share with each other, who let them get into her pants, and anything that a girl shared with him in confidence got shared to everyone in PE class, and I was weird. I felt sorry for the girl, and hated being counted as member of the gender that could do this kind of thing to anyone. I was so sensitive.
Something I do need to tell my nephew's mother is to never let him her you say to him, "I think you imagined that". She needs to take the attitude with him, it would probably be good to try to do this with everyone, but especially with him; assume what he tells you is true, and then go try to discover in what way it is true for him. That is so important with a sensitive young boy. Somewhere I learned not to confide in my parents. Somewhere I learned that I would not be believed. I think that was it. My nephew's mother and my nephew's father need to feel safe to their sensitive child. And no matter what my brother must never stop hugging his son. When he reaches adolescence, and his mother becomes uncomfortable being hugged by her adolescent son, the way my mother did, maybe that's normal, I don't know, but it will be so important that his Dad be available if the son needs a hug. Touch dominant boys can be made to feel so foriegn and so . . . I can't think of a good word for the feeling now. I don't think my Dad ever quite figured out how to relate to me, or perhaps I just felt that way when I was around him. I spent lots of time with him, but didn't spend much time with me. I want my nephew to have a difference.
I've watched my brother. He hugs my nephew frequently now.