let's slit our wrists and burn down something beautiful
So it still seems impossible for me to get a full solid night's sleep. It never fails that I wake up a few times during the night and sometimes its only for a few minutes and other times its for at least an hour, sometimes more. If things could go back to normal then I would be a happy camper but I don't know if they ever will. I've been having a lot of crazed dreams lately and usually I only remember parts or objects in them, but sometimes they scare me. Its getting to the point where sometimes sleeping alone frightens me, but oh well, there's nothing this girl can do.
So much has been going on in my life lately and I don't know what to make of any of it. I've been doing a lot of thinking, I know what a shocker to you all that know me, but its been bringing me down. I know what needs to be said and done, but I just can't bring myself to do it yet. Blah blah blah ... you just think I'm rambling because I won't put what about because I know a few certain people read this and its mostly about these two people. My best friend knows and she won't tell either so boo yah. Stupid life and stupid gazillion thoughts running through my precious little head.
I've been very insecure lately :/ I'm back to thinking I'm useless and fat and ugly. Why I get like this I'm not really sure? No its not because Mary Kate Olsen is back to 80 lbs or because Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie are stickly thin because I think they're ugly. It has nothing to do with the media or the famous people but more with me and the things that I've been through or that have been said to me or about me. Its just a personal thing and I'm trying to overcome it but so far not so good. Blah, don't comment about it because what you say probably won't matter anyway :/
I guess I don't really have anything to say but I really do need to start writing more. Maybe not in here because a lot of stuff is personal and I think sometimes way to many people read this and I'm not ready to get myself into trouble, at least not yet. I'll try to write more though for anyone that cares to read at least one entry. Have a good day!