kill the writer
I don't know what to say but it is over and there are no take-backs.
In some other reality, I said something else, the things that happened today didn't happen the same way. Dan and I still live happily ever after. But that is not what happened.
And if that's true, then in some other reality, I didn't survive the night. But clearly, that is not the case either.
I just don't know.
Dear Dani,
I am so sorry that this happened the way it did. Sorry that you feel you have to beleive those things. Sorry you were pushing me away and I wouldn't go until it was all too too late.
But I know that I love you still. As I know you can't know that right now. You said that if I really loved you, I wouldn't have said what I did, but the truth is, If I had thought what I said and never said it, then I wouln't love you. I'm not saying I was right, but it doesn't matter anymore.
My whole point was that it was never supposed to be about Blame. I only wanted you to get better. I was willing to do absolutely anything to make that happen. Including dying for it. I'm sorry about that. Any virtue taken to extremes is a terrible sin. I get that now.
I woke up this morning from a nightmare. Now I can't sleep and I can't wake up.
I know whatever you are going through is probably even worse. I wish I could take it back, but also, that I had left so much sooner, when there was still some salvage left. But I wasn't ready for that and neither were you. I know, even if you don't, that you do not feel worthy of love. That you want it and need it and don't know how to ask for it in ways that make sence to you. I know you're hurting like hell. I was there more than once myself. And I am sorry.
I never should have done this, any of the last 10 months or so, to you. Or to me. But I also know that I would do it all again.
I'm not angry at you, not pitying, just worried and missing you.
Please get well soon. For you. Stop torturing yourself. You have been through more than enough and you're only 23.
And if you ever call, I don't care what anybody says, I won't hang up. I'll listen. I never gave up on you. I never will, even if you never contact me again.
But also, I won't ever be able to come back.
That Jessica died today. You killed her.
I love you. I forgive you. Goodbye.
your Jae.
In some other reality, I said something else, the things that happened today didn't happen the same way. Dan and I still live happily ever after. But that is not what happened.
And if that's true, then in some other reality, I didn't survive the night. But clearly, that is not the case either.
I just don't know.
Dear Dani,
I am so sorry that this happened the way it did. Sorry that you feel you have to beleive those things. Sorry you were pushing me away and I wouldn't go until it was all too too late.
But I know that I love you still. As I know you can't know that right now. You said that if I really loved you, I wouldn't have said what I did, but the truth is, If I had thought what I said and never said it, then I wouln't love you. I'm not saying I was right, but it doesn't matter anymore.
My whole point was that it was never supposed to be about Blame. I only wanted you to get better. I was willing to do absolutely anything to make that happen. Including dying for it. I'm sorry about that. Any virtue taken to extremes is a terrible sin. I get that now.
I woke up this morning from a nightmare. Now I can't sleep and I can't wake up.
I know whatever you are going through is probably even worse. I wish I could take it back, but also, that I had left so much sooner, when there was still some salvage left. But I wasn't ready for that and neither were you. I know, even if you don't, that you do not feel worthy of love. That you want it and need it and don't know how to ask for it in ways that make sence to you. I know you're hurting like hell. I was there more than once myself. And I am sorry.
I never should have done this, any of the last 10 months or so, to you. Or to me. But I also know that I would do it all again.
I'm not angry at you, not pitying, just worried and missing you.
Please get well soon. For you. Stop torturing yourself. You have been through more than enough and you're only 23.
And if you ever call, I don't care what anybody says, I won't hang up. I'll listen. I never gave up on you. I never will, even if you never contact me again.
But also, I won't ever be able to come back.
That Jessica died today. You killed her.
I love you. I forgive you. Goodbye.
your Jae.