(no subject)

[vphardt]

Why
why this
why now
why
I'm so close to a year free
But i want it back
i need it back
i fucking want it back
that rush that healing even when im ripping myself apart its there for me to fall back on...what the hell am i saying
im wrong
i know im wrong
i know its bad, and its wrong
and i hurt others
but that temptation hits me at the weirdest times
today on the bus i just caught myself tugging at my hair again
twirling it around my fingers and pulling so hard i could almost feel it tearing out.....its an easy way of keeping myself focused, keeping myself from doing stupid things of a million different kinds

I hate being around everyone lately..but when im not with them i miss the energy and warmth i get from them...life...i take life from them
but i got attached, i let myself let them in
time for that to end
time for me to go back to my shell
things will be easier
no one to hurt
no one to disappoint
no one to hurt me for that matter
its time.
time.
.