(no subject)
God , i'm so out of it...
Everybody keeps asking what's wrong with me
well damn if i know
Yesterday was so bad...
no last night was bad
i dont know what the hell is going on
my head...its like theres nothing there except whats going on outside
im not here
Val's not here right now, she's on vacation the person sitting around here, the person you're seeing a shell, a shadow, shadow val we'll call her.
yeah
shadow val
im not feeling...anything
theres this rushing...this wind in my head and i dont know where i went
paranoias getting worse, so are the nightmares,my urges are back worse than they've ever been...just a way to feel like i am here, a way to ground myself. i thought going to the Lair last night would help but it just made it worse. i curled up on the couch with my hands over my ears just trying to get the noise the roar to stop...it didnt work just got worse.
So for some reason i got up walked into the kitchen and hid in the closet...i dont know why, but it calmed me down a little bit...not much but enough to sit with everyone else/....i feel like im fucking everything up just when i had it good....
i think its time for me to start pushing everyone out agaon...i think thats the only thing to do, i wont be so embroiled, i wnt be so attatched and i wont feel bad about letting everyne down.
Everybody keeps asking what's wrong with me
well damn if i know
Yesterday was so bad...
no last night was bad
i dont know what the hell is going on
my head...its like theres nothing there except whats going on outside
im not here
Val's not here right now, she's on vacation the person sitting around here, the person you're seeing a shell, a shadow, shadow val we'll call her.
yeah
shadow val
im not feeling...anything
theres this rushing...this wind in my head and i dont know where i went
paranoias getting worse, so are the nightmares,my urges are back worse than they've ever been...just a way to feel like i am here, a way to ground myself. i thought going to the Lair last night would help but it just made it worse. i curled up on the couch with my hands over my ears just trying to get the noise the roar to stop...it didnt work just got worse.
So for some reason i got up walked into the kitchen and hid in the closet...i dont know why, but it calmed me down a little bit...not much but enough to sit with everyone else/....i feel like im fucking everything up just when i had it good....
i think its time for me to start pushing everyone out agaon...i think thats the only thing to do, i wont be so embroiled, i wnt be so attatched and i wont feel bad about letting everyne down.