Functioning Bruises (3/?)
Title: Functioning Bruises (3/?) Functioning Bruises (3/?)
Author: Vivhasarifle vivhasarifle
Rating: PG-13 for this chapter, NC-17 overall.
Genre and/or Pairing: Gabriel/Dean, human AU, hurt/comfort, angst, romance, slash.
Characters: Dean, Gabriel, Sam, mentions of Cas.
Spoilers: As long as you know who Gabriel is you’re fine.
Warnings: This chapter will mention past underage rape, past child-abuse, mansex, smoking and one of the boys will have a mental disorder, also dyslexic!Dean.
Word Count: 3934
Summary: Dean Winchester has a pretty unremarkable life. He’s working his way through school, hangs out with his law-student brother on week-ends, and loves his car. However, when his little brother introduces him to Gabriel Cummings, Dean finds his whole life turned upside-down.
Notes: This is only my second attempt at writing Gabriel/Dean. I used to dislike this pairing, and only wrote it the first time as a favor to a friend. However, recently I have been UBER drawn to it and have decided to try my hand at it. This is the result. I love human AUs but I know they’re not everyone’s cup of tea, so please, feel free not to read.
Disclaimer: Not mine, just playing.
Dean groaned when he heard his phone ring and rolled over to look blearily at the digital display of his alarm clock. 2.30am. Who the fuck was calling him? He groped around until he found his phone and peered at the screen, surprised to see Gabriel’s name on the display. They’d been seeing each other for almost a month and Gabriel never called him at this time, knowing that he barely got enough sleep as it was between work and school. Dean had a big test tomorrow; he had told Gabriel as much at lunch earlier, so if Gabriel was calling now, the likelihood was that it was really important. He clicked ‘accept’ and held the phone to his ear.
“Hello?” he croaked out, rubbing his left eye with the heel of his hand.
“Hey baby!” Gabriel sounded excited.
“Umph,” Dean sat up, stretching out his back a little as he did so, “is everything all right?”
“Yeah!” Gabriel’s voice was very high and loud for it being such an ungodly hour in the morning. “I just missed you...and hey! I was thinking - I read that short story you got published -”
Dean groaned. “Sam,” he muttered.
“Yeah, Sammy showed it to me. Anyway, I was thinking you should try and turn it into a novel series, you know? Like, an ongoing series of short books?”
Dean shook his head. “Yeah, Gabe, I know what a series is -”
“Kind of like the Dresden files books or something, because people eat that supernatural shit up - oh my God! That’s what you could call them, Supernatural, like, as the overall title, obviously each book would have its own name, but that short story you wrote about going to get Sammy from college? It blew my mind, I swear, because I didn’t even see the who psychic thing coming, and it was so true to him, I promise, I actually looked at him funny the next time we spoke -”
“Gabe,” Dean interrupted, barely able to keep track of his boyfriend’s racing thoughts, “what are you talking about? Why are you calling? It’s two in the morning!”
“I just missed you, is all, and I was up late working on this case and then I got this brainwave about your books and -”
“Gabriel,” Dean said firmly, “there are no books, and I have a test in the morning.”
“Pssht, you’ll do fine,” Dean heard papers rustling. “you’re a smart boy. Hey, what are you doing? You wanna come over?”
“No!” Dean didn’t mean to yell, but it was ass-o-clock in the morning and Gabriel was barely making sense. “What the fuck are you doing? I told you I had to be up early! And what the fuck, you read my story and didn’t tell me, what the fuck is up with that?”
“Sam -”
“I’ll be dealing with Sam later. You call me up at almost three in the goddamn morning babbling some nonesense about a book series just because you read some crappy pity-piece on dyslexia -”
“I didn’t -”
“Shut up!” Dean threw his covers off and stood up, absolutely livid and completely pumped up on adrenaline and anger. “How could you be so inconsiderate?”
“I...I’m sorry,” Gabriel whispered, “I didn’t mean to, I didn’t think.”
“Yeah,” Dean replied, “you didn’t. Now, if you’ll excuse me I’m gonna go and try to get some rest.”
“Yeah, of course,” Gabriel sounded ashamed, “of course you are. I’m sorry, Dean.”
Dean sighed. “I...I’ll talk to you tomorrow, all right?” He clicked his phone off without saying goodbye, and settled back into his bed, still fuming.
A week later, when Gabriel wouldn’t return any of his calls, Dean could have kicked himself. What had he been thinking, losing his temper like that? He’d noticed in the week leading up to the phone call that Gabriel had been a little more hyper than usual...he was probably just in some weird go-getting place right now, it’s not like you got to where he was by his age without a few quirks. And now, Dean was in complete panic mode because it was looking more and more like he had done it again, he had messed up again, and Gabriel wouldn’t even pick up his phone so Dean could apologize. Dean had one last resort, of course, but he really didn’t want to do that.
He sighed and dialed his brother’s number.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Sammy, it’s Dean.”
“Hey Dean!” Good, Sam didn’t sound angry at him. “What’s up? We haven’t spoken in a while.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry, I’ve been kind of -”
“Busy, I’m sure,” Sam’s tone had a lecherous tinge to it, “what with Gabriel working from home this week, are you with him now?”
Dean frowned. “Gabriel’s working from home?”
There was a small silence.
“You didn’t know that?” Sam sounded confused.
“I...we kind of had a fight. He hasn’t returned any of my calls.”
Sam sighed. “That’s not good.”
Dean grunted. “Yeah, no shit, Sammy. Damn, I didn’t know he was working from home, I was hoping you could get him to talk to me.”
Dean could practically hear Sam scratching his head. “Yeah, I have no clue what could freak Gabriel out like that. He’s completely crazy about you, he won’t shut up about you half of the time.”
Dean gritted his teeth. “Shit, I’ve really fucked up...first the sex thing and now this.”
Sam made a noise. “I know I’m going to regret asking this but, what sex thing?”
Dean rubbed his brow. “It’s...just this thing, and it’s probably not a big deal.”
“Spill, Dean.”
Dean bit his lip, feeling as if he were betraying Gabe. “Every time we have sex, if I get too close to his...you know...he freaks out.”
“His you know?” Dean could see Sam making his Dean-you’re-not-making-sense bitch face, even over the phone.
Dean rolled his eyes. “His ass, Sammy, all right? If it’s just oral, or if I’m on the bottom -”
“Gross.”
“You asked, dick. But yeah, then it’s fine, but if I try to...he freaks out.” Dean could feel his cheeks burning.
Dean could hear the wheels in Sam’s head turning.
“Shit,” his brother said, suddenly.
Dean blanched. “What?”
“Dean...Gabe was in foster care. Haven’t you ever wondered why?”
Dean’s eyes widened. Oh no, no that couldn’t be true. “You think he was...”
“I don’t know, Dean, maybe.”
Dean growled and punched a wall, ignoring the smart in his hand. “Fuck,” he said, eloquently.
“Listen, all I know is the last time Gabriel talked about you he was head-over-heels. That kind of thing doesn’t change over one fight.”
Dean sighed. “I don’t know what to do, Sammy.”
Sam snorted. “Dude, you know where he lives.”
Dean stood outside Gabriel’s door, having waited a while until someone had come out of the building, so he could sneak in without having to ring Gabriel’s buzzer, unsure of whether or not Gabriel would let him in.
He steeled himself, and knocked on the door.
He waited for thirty seconds or so, debating giving up and going home, when he finally heard the lock slide, and the door was opened just enough for Gabriel to peer out of a crack.
“Dean.” Gabriel’s voice was hoarse, and for a moment Dean was taken aback, because Gabriel looked terrible. He had a week’s worth of scruff on his face, and his eyes were ringed with dark purple, and blood-shot. He looked...puffy, and Dean could swear the shorter man had actually put on a little weight in the week they hadn’t seen each other. Not a lot, only two pounds or so, but on the man’s small frame it was definitely noticeable. Dean reached out to touch Gabriel’s face, and his heart broke slightly when Gabe shied away from his seeking fingers.
“Are you all right?” Dean asked, softly.
Gabriel sighed. “You shouldn’t have come here, Dean.”
Dean shook his head. “The hell I shouldn’t. You won’t take any of my calls, and then Sammy tell me you haven’t been to work this week? I was worried, Gabe.”
Gabriel bit his lip. “You shouldn’t worry about me, Dean.”
Dean grit his teeth. “You idiot, I care about you. Look, if this is about the other night -”
Gabriel shook his head, vehemently. “No, Dean, it’s not. You were right that night.”
Dean shifted his feet, staring at the ground. “Do you...” he could barely get the words out, “do you want to break up with me?”
Gabriel ran his fingers through his hair, which Dean now noticed looked as if it hadn’t been washed in several days. “No, I don’t want to.”
Dean took in a deep breath. “But?”
Gabriel let out a choked sound, and to Dean’s dismay he saw the smaller man’s eyes fill with tears. “But you’re going to...when you...when you -”
“Hey,” Dean said firmly, “I’m not going anywhere.” He peered past Gabriel into the apartment. “Can I...come in?”
Gabriel paused, and for a terrible moment Dean thought he was going to refuse him entry, but instead he just huffed and stepped aside, leaving the door open for Dean.
When Dean walked in it took everything in him not to gasp. The place was a battlefield; Dean had never seen it so messy. There were empty fast food cartons lying around and to Dean’s surprise he saw a full ashtray, and the apartment even smelled like smoke.
“You smoke?” Dean asked, his eyebrows raised.
Gabriel shrugged, and sunk down onto his couch. “Sometimes. When the mood strikes.”
Dean sat next to him. “Can I bum one from you?”
Gabriel smirked at Dean, which made him smile because for a moment Gabriel’s eyes were shining again. “You smoke?”
Dean shrugged and grinned. “Sometimes. When the mood strikes.”
Gabriel picked up a pack of marlboro reds and gave Dean one, after taking on out for himself, and then gave Dean a lighter.
Dean snorted. “Cowboy killers, that’s hot.” He lit his cigarette and tossed the lighter back to Gabriel, the nicotine making him a little light-headed. “So, you wanna tell me what’s going on?”
Gabriel lit his own cigarette. “How long you got?”
Dean took Gabriel’s free hand. “A while, so come on, tell me.”
Gabriel leaned back and stared at the ceiling. “I have no idea where to start.”
Dean reached over and pulled Gabriel down until the other man’s head was resting in his lap, his cigarette held precariously away from his face. He started to run his fingers through Gabe’s greasy hair.
“Start wherever you like,” he said, gently.
Gabriel nodded. “Okay...so...I went into foster care when I was fifteen.”
Dean nodded. “Yeah.”
Gabriel shut his eyes, tightly, and took another drag from his cigarette. “Have you heard of the Brotherhood of Grace and Eternity?”
Dean frowned. “It sounds...really familiar.”
Gabriel cleared his throat. “It’s a cult,” he said, harshly.
Dean shifted a little, reached over Gabriel’s head and flicked his ash into the ashtray. “Okay.”
“I grew up in it.”
Dean choked on a puff of smoke and looked down at Gabriel in horror. “What?”
Gabriel sighed and leaned over, stubbing out his cigarette. “Yeah. I grew up on the compound in Indiana, I was born there. It was the usual kind of shit...brainwashing, no electricity, crazy religious overtones. I swear, we prepared for the apocalypse eight times over before I was ten.”
Dean whistled. “Shit.”
Gabriel shook his head and reached up, stealing the rest of Dean’s cigarette. When Dean raised an eyebrow at him he pursed his lips.
“It’s a filthy habit,” he said, taking a drag.
Dean snorted but didn’t say anything. “So, when did social services come and get you?”
Gabriel froze. “Dean...this is really hard for me to say.”
Dean nodded. “Take your time,” he caressed Gabriel’s cheek, “I’m listening.”
Gabriel rolled onto his side, so that his head was still in Dean’s lap, but his face was pointing away.
“When I was thirteen,” he said, quietly, “they started raping me.”
Dean sucked in a breath through his teeth. He had really hoped that Sam’s guess hadn’t been true. It tore him open inside to think of anyone doing that to Gabriel, especially when the man was only thirteen. Thirteen...
“But you didn’t go into foster care until you were fifteen,” he said, horrified.
Gabriel shuddered. “Yeah, it went on for a while.”
Dean shook his head and started stroking Gabriel’s hair again.
“Gabe...I’m so sorry.”
Gabriel sighed. “Unfortunately, that’s not the end of it.”
Dean felt bile rising into his throat. There was more?
“The reason,” Gabriel continued, “the reason they started...it’s a ritual they start when the boys are thirteen, to prepare them for marriage.”
Dean’s eyebrows shot into his hairline. “But that’s so young!”
Gabriel shook his head. “They married me to a girl when I was six months from turning fifteen.”
Dean almost choked on his own spit. “What?”
Gabriel curled in on himself. “She was fourteen too. When they married us, it was this weird, big thing, all secret from the rest of the kids.” Gabriel curled his face up to look at Dean. “They said it was meant to be a surprise, when it was their turn,” he curled his lip, “surprise is right. I didn’t know I was getting married until the morning of.”
Dean grimaced. “I can’t believe this.”
Gabriel sighed. “Tell me about it. So...after they married us, they marched us into this little side room. There was a bed there, and they made me and Zipporah -”
“Zipporah?”
“My wife.”
Dean would never get used to hearing Gabriel say that.
“I mean, she’s not really my wife, I know that. The ceremony wasn’t legal, but they really drilled it into us, and it feels weird calling her anything else.”
Dean nodded, trying to understand.
“So, they made me and Zipporah get on the bed, and then they made us...”
Dean’s eyes widened. “They made you guys have sex?”
Gabriel nodded.
“And they watched?”
Gabriel nodded again. “They did that twice a week for three months until...”
“Until?” Dean prompted.
“Zipporah got pregnant.”
Dean froze. That meant...
“Did she...have it?”
Gabriel sighed. “If you’re asking if I have a child out there somewhere, the answer is yes, I do. I don’t know anything about it, I don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl. Social services came for us when she was three months pregnant.”
Dean sucked in a deep breath. “They split you guys up?”
Gabriel shook his head. “She stayed. They took me and some of the other boys, and they arrested most of the adults, and Zachariah, the cult leader, because they had evidence of the sexual abuse. But technically, there’s nothing illegal about a fifteen year old girl getting pregnant by another fifteen year old, and most of the women and some of the men escaped charges, because no one could prove they were directly involved with any abuse.” His voice started to waver. “They asked Zipporah if she’d suffered any abuse, but she wouldn’t say; she wouldn’t even tell them about the ritual sex, and with only my word for it, they couldn’t get a conviction...fact is, she wanted to stay.” He paused, and screwed his eyes shut tight. “I did too.”
Dean’s fingers froze in Gabriel’s hair. “What?”
Gabe rolled over to face Dean again. “You’ve got to understand, Dean, they conditioned us. It was the only home I’d ever known and...” Gabriel’s eyes filled with tears, and Dean wanted desperately just to tell him to stop; that he didn’t have to say anymore, but he didn’t know if he’d ever be able to get Gabriel to open up to him again, so he said nothing.
“And what, Gabe?” he asked, soothingly, “It’s all right, I’m listening.”
“I didn’t want to leave my baby,” Gabriel whispered, “I wanted to be there to raise it, or at least take Zipporah with me, not leave it there in that place.” Gabriel was now breaking into full-out sobs.
“Shh, Gabe, there’s nothing you could have done.” Dean’s heart went out to Gabriel. He couldn’t imagine going through something like this.
Gabriel nodded and sniffed, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. “I know...I just...I wish I knew where it was. I wish I knew whether it was a boy or a girl so I didn’t have to call my child an ‘it.’” He looked at Dean. “My child’s eleven, out there somewhere, and I don’t even know its gender.” He looked at Dean sheepishly. “Believe it or not, I’m not finished yet. Sure you want to hear the rest?”
Dean nodded. “Of course I do.”
Gabriel smiled, weakly. “You don’t want to run screaming for the hills?”
Dean shook his head. “Never.” Part B
Author: Vivhasarifle vivhasarifle
Rating: PG-13 for this chapter, NC-17 overall.
Genre and/or Pairing: Gabriel/Dean, human AU, hurt/comfort, angst, romance, slash.
Characters: Dean, Gabriel, Sam, mentions of Cas.
Spoilers: As long as you know who Gabriel is you’re fine.
Warnings: This chapter will mention past underage rape, past child-abuse, mansex, smoking and one of the boys will have a mental disorder, also dyslexic!Dean.
Word Count: 3934
Summary: Dean Winchester has a pretty unremarkable life. He’s working his way through school, hangs out with his law-student brother on week-ends, and loves his car. However, when his little brother introduces him to Gabriel Cummings, Dean finds his whole life turned upside-down.
Notes: This is only my second attempt at writing Gabriel/Dean. I used to dislike this pairing, and only wrote it the first time as a favor to a friend. However, recently I have been UBER drawn to it and have decided to try my hand at it. This is the result. I love human AUs but I know they’re not everyone’s cup of tea, so please, feel free not to read.
Disclaimer: Not mine, just playing.
Dean groaned when he heard his phone ring and rolled over to look blearily at the digital display of his alarm clock. 2.30am. Who the fuck was calling him? He groped around until he found his phone and peered at the screen, surprised to see Gabriel’s name on the display. They’d been seeing each other for almost a month and Gabriel never called him at this time, knowing that he barely got enough sleep as it was between work and school. Dean had a big test tomorrow; he had told Gabriel as much at lunch earlier, so if Gabriel was calling now, the likelihood was that it was really important. He clicked ‘accept’ and held the phone to his ear.
“Hello?” he croaked out, rubbing his left eye with the heel of his hand.
“Hey baby!” Gabriel sounded excited.
“Umph,” Dean sat up, stretching out his back a little as he did so, “is everything all right?”
“Yeah!” Gabriel’s voice was very high and loud for it being such an ungodly hour in the morning. “I just missed you...and hey! I was thinking - I read that short story you got published -”
Dean groaned. “Sam,” he muttered.
“Yeah, Sammy showed it to me. Anyway, I was thinking you should try and turn it into a novel series, you know? Like, an ongoing series of short books?”
Dean shook his head. “Yeah, Gabe, I know what a series is -”
“Kind of like the Dresden files books or something, because people eat that supernatural shit up - oh my God! That’s what you could call them, Supernatural, like, as the overall title, obviously each book would have its own name, but that short story you wrote about going to get Sammy from college? It blew my mind, I swear, because I didn’t even see the who psychic thing coming, and it was so true to him, I promise, I actually looked at him funny the next time we spoke -”
“Gabe,” Dean interrupted, barely able to keep track of his boyfriend’s racing thoughts, “what are you talking about? Why are you calling? It’s two in the morning!”
“I just missed you, is all, and I was up late working on this case and then I got this brainwave about your books and -”
“Gabriel,” Dean said firmly, “there are no books, and I have a test in the morning.”
“Pssht, you’ll do fine,” Dean heard papers rustling. “you’re a smart boy. Hey, what are you doing? You wanna come over?”
“No!” Dean didn’t mean to yell, but it was ass-o-clock in the morning and Gabriel was barely making sense. “What the fuck are you doing? I told you I had to be up early! And what the fuck, you read my story and didn’t tell me, what the fuck is up with that?”
“Sam -”
“I’ll be dealing with Sam later. You call me up at almost three in the goddamn morning babbling some nonesense about a book series just because you read some crappy pity-piece on dyslexia -”
“I didn’t -”
“Shut up!” Dean threw his covers off and stood up, absolutely livid and completely pumped up on adrenaline and anger. “How could you be so inconsiderate?”
“I...I’m sorry,” Gabriel whispered, “I didn’t mean to, I didn’t think.”
“Yeah,” Dean replied, “you didn’t. Now, if you’ll excuse me I’m gonna go and try to get some rest.”
“Yeah, of course,” Gabriel sounded ashamed, “of course you are. I’m sorry, Dean.”
Dean sighed. “I...I’ll talk to you tomorrow, all right?” He clicked his phone off without saying goodbye, and settled back into his bed, still fuming.
A week later, when Gabriel wouldn’t return any of his calls, Dean could have kicked himself. What had he been thinking, losing his temper like that? He’d noticed in the week leading up to the phone call that Gabriel had been a little more hyper than usual...he was probably just in some weird go-getting place right now, it’s not like you got to where he was by his age without a few quirks. And now, Dean was in complete panic mode because it was looking more and more like he had done it again, he had messed up again, and Gabriel wouldn’t even pick up his phone so Dean could apologize. Dean had one last resort, of course, but he really didn’t want to do that.
He sighed and dialed his brother’s number.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Sammy, it’s Dean.”
“Hey Dean!” Good, Sam didn’t sound angry at him. “What’s up? We haven’t spoken in a while.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry, I’ve been kind of -”
“Busy, I’m sure,” Sam’s tone had a lecherous tinge to it, “what with Gabriel working from home this week, are you with him now?”
Dean frowned. “Gabriel’s working from home?”
There was a small silence.
“You didn’t know that?” Sam sounded confused.
“I...we kind of had a fight. He hasn’t returned any of my calls.”
Sam sighed. “That’s not good.”
Dean grunted. “Yeah, no shit, Sammy. Damn, I didn’t know he was working from home, I was hoping you could get him to talk to me.”
Dean could practically hear Sam scratching his head. “Yeah, I have no clue what could freak Gabriel out like that. He’s completely crazy about you, he won’t shut up about you half of the time.”
Dean gritted his teeth. “Shit, I’ve really fucked up...first the sex thing and now this.”
Sam made a noise. “I know I’m going to regret asking this but, what sex thing?”
Dean rubbed his brow. “It’s...just this thing, and it’s probably not a big deal.”
“Spill, Dean.”
Dean bit his lip, feeling as if he were betraying Gabe. “Every time we have sex, if I get too close to his...you know...he freaks out.”
“His you know?” Dean could see Sam making his Dean-you’re-not-making-sense bitch face, even over the phone.
Dean rolled his eyes. “His ass, Sammy, all right? If it’s just oral, or if I’m on the bottom -”
“Gross.”
“You asked, dick. But yeah, then it’s fine, but if I try to...he freaks out.” Dean could feel his cheeks burning.
Dean could hear the wheels in Sam’s head turning.
“Shit,” his brother said, suddenly.
Dean blanched. “What?”
“Dean...Gabe was in foster care. Haven’t you ever wondered why?”
Dean’s eyes widened. Oh no, no that couldn’t be true. “You think he was...”
“I don’t know, Dean, maybe.”
Dean growled and punched a wall, ignoring the smart in his hand. “Fuck,” he said, eloquently.
“Listen, all I know is the last time Gabriel talked about you he was head-over-heels. That kind of thing doesn’t change over one fight.”
Dean sighed. “I don’t know what to do, Sammy.”
Sam snorted. “Dude, you know where he lives.”
Dean stood outside Gabriel’s door, having waited a while until someone had come out of the building, so he could sneak in without having to ring Gabriel’s buzzer, unsure of whether or not Gabriel would let him in.
He steeled himself, and knocked on the door.
He waited for thirty seconds or so, debating giving up and going home, when he finally heard the lock slide, and the door was opened just enough for Gabriel to peer out of a crack.
“Dean.” Gabriel’s voice was hoarse, and for a moment Dean was taken aback, because Gabriel looked terrible. He had a week’s worth of scruff on his face, and his eyes were ringed with dark purple, and blood-shot. He looked...puffy, and Dean could swear the shorter man had actually put on a little weight in the week they hadn’t seen each other. Not a lot, only two pounds or so, but on the man’s small frame it was definitely noticeable. Dean reached out to touch Gabriel’s face, and his heart broke slightly when Gabe shied away from his seeking fingers.
“Are you all right?” Dean asked, softly.
Gabriel sighed. “You shouldn’t have come here, Dean.”
Dean shook his head. “The hell I shouldn’t. You won’t take any of my calls, and then Sammy tell me you haven’t been to work this week? I was worried, Gabe.”
Gabriel bit his lip. “You shouldn’t worry about me, Dean.”
Dean grit his teeth. “You idiot, I care about you. Look, if this is about the other night -”
Gabriel shook his head, vehemently. “No, Dean, it’s not. You were right that night.”
Dean shifted his feet, staring at the ground. “Do you...” he could barely get the words out, “do you want to break up with me?”
Gabriel ran his fingers through his hair, which Dean now noticed looked as if it hadn’t been washed in several days. “No, I don’t want to.”
Dean took in a deep breath. “But?”
Gabriel let out a choked sound, and to Dean’s dismay he saw the smaller man’s eyes fill with tears. “But you’re going to...when you...when you -”
“Hey,” Dean said firmly, “I’m not going anywhere.” He peered past Gabriel into the apartment. “Can I...come in?”
Gabriel paused, and for a terrible moment Dean thought he was going to refuse him entry, but instead he just huffed and stepped aside, leaving the door open for Dean.
When Dean walked in it took everything in him not to gasp. The place was a battlefield; Dean had never seen it so messy. There were empty fast food cartons lying around and to Dean’s surprise he saw a full ashtray, and the apartment even smelled like smoke.
“You smoke?” Dean asked, his eyebrows raised.
Gabriel shrugged, and sunk down onto his couch. “Sometimes. When the mood strikes.”
Dean sat next to him. “Can I bum one from you?”
Gabriel smirked at Dean, which made him smile because for a moment Gabriel’s eyes were shining again. “You smoke?”
Dean shrugged and grinned. “Sometimes. When the mood strikes.”
Gabriel picked up a pack of marlboro reds and gave Dean one, after taking on out for himself, and then gave Dean a lighter.
Dean snorted. “Cowboy killers, that’s hot.” He lit his cigarette and tossed the lighter back to Gabriel, the nicotine making him a little light-headed. “So, you wanna tell me what’s going on?”
Gabriel lit his own cigarette. “How long you got?”
Dean took Gabriel’s free hand. “A while, so come on, tell me.”
Gabriel leaned back and stared at the ceiling. “I have no idea where to start.”
Dean reached over and pulled Gabriel down until the other man’s head was resting in his lap, his cigarette held precariously away from his face. He started to run his fingers through Gabe’s greasy hair.
“Start wherever you like,” he said, gently.
Gabriel nodded. “Okay...so...I went into foster care when I was fifteen.”
Dean nodded. “Yeah.”
Gabriel shut his eyes, tightly, and took another drag from his cigarette. “Have you heard of the Brotherhood of Grace and Eternity?”
Dean frowned. “It sounds...really familiar.”
Gabriel cleared his throat. “It’s a cult,” he said, harshly.
Dean shifted a little, reached over Gabriel’s head and flicked his ash into the ashtray. “Okay.”
“I grew up in it.”
Dean choked on a puff of smoke and looked down at Gabriel in horror. “What?”
Gabriel sighed and leaned over, stubbing out his cigarette. “Yeah. I grew up on the compound in Indiana, I was born there. It was the usual kind of shit...brainwashing, no electricity, crazy religious overtones. I swear, we prepared for the apocalypse eight times over before I was ten.”
Dean whistled. “Shit.”
Gabriel shook his head and reached up, stealing the rest of Dean’s cigarette. When Dean raised an eyebrow at him he pursed his lips.
“It’s a filthy habit,” he said, taking a drag.
Dean snorted but didn’t say anything. “So, when did social services come and get you?”
Gabriel froze. “Dean...this is really hard for me to say.”
Dean nodded. “Take your time,” he caressed Gabriel’s cheek, “I’m listening.”
Gabriel rolled onto his side, so that his head was still in Dean’s lap, but his face was pointing away.
“When I was thirteen,” he said, quietly, “they started raping me.”
Dean sucked in a breath through his teeth. He had really hoped that Sam’s guess hadn’t been true. It tore him open inside to think of anyone doing that to Gabriel, especially when the man was only thirteen. Thirteen...
“But you didn’t go into foster care until you were fifteen,” he said, horrified.
Gabriel shuddered. “Yeah, it went on for a while.”
Dean shook his head and started stroking Gabriel’s hair again.
“Gabe...I’m so sorry.”
Gabriel sighed. “Unfortunately, that’s not the end of it.”
Dean felt bile rising into his throat. There was more?
“The reason,” Gabriel continued, “the reason they started...it’s a ritual they start when the boys are thirteen, to prepare them for marriage.”
Dean’s eyebrows shot into his hairline. “But that’s so young!”
Gabriel shook his head. “They married me to a girl when I was six months from turning fifteen.”
Dean almost choked on his own spit. “What?”
Gabriel curled in on himself. “She was fourteen too. When they married us, it was this weird, big thing, all secret from the rest of the kids.” Gabriel curled his face up to look at Dean. “They said it was meant to be a surprise, when it was their turn,” he curled his lip, “surprise is right. I didn’t know I was getting married until the morning of.”
Dean grimaced. “I can’t believe this.”
Gabriel sighed. “Tell me about it. So...after they married us, they marched us into this little side room. There was a bed there, and they made me and Zipporah -”
“Zipporah?”
“My wife.”
Dean would never get used to hearing Gabriel say that.
“I mean, she’s not really my wife, I know that. The ceremony wasn’t legal, but they really drilled it into us, and it feels weird calling her anything else.”
Dean nodded, trying to understand.
“So, they made me and Zipporah get on the bed, and then they made us...”
Dean’s eyes widened. “They made you guys have sex?”
Gabriel nodded.
“And they watched?”
Gabriel nodded again. “They did that twice a week for three months until...”
“Until?” Dean prompted.
“Zipporah got pregnant.”
Dean froze. That meant...
“Did she...have it?”
Gabriel sighed. “If you’re asking if I have a child out there somewhere, the answer is yes, I do. I don’t know anything about it, I don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl. Social services came for us when she was three months pregnant.”
Dean sucked in a deep breath. “They split you guys up?”
Gabriel shook his head. “She stayed. They took me and some of the other boys, and they arrested most of the adults, and Zachariah, the cult leader, because they had evidence of the sexual abuse. But technically, there’s nothing illegal about a fifteen year old girl getting pregnant by another fifteen year old, and most of the women and some of the men escaped charges, because no one could prove they were directly involved with any abuse.” His voice started to waver. “They asked Zipporah if she’d suffered any abuse, but she wouldn’t say; she wouldn’t even tell them about the ritual sex, and with only my word for it, they couldn’t get a conviction...fact is, she wanted to stay.” He paused, and screwed his eyes shut tight. “I did too.”
Dean’s fingers froze in Gabriel’s hair. “What?”
Gabe rolled over to face Dean again. “You’ve got to understand, Dean, they conditioned us. It was the only home I’d ever known and...” Gabriel’s eyes filled with tears, and Dean wanted desperately just to tell him to stop; that he didn’t have to say anymore, but he didn’t know if he’d ever be able to get Gabriel to open up to him again, so he said nothing.
“And what, Gabe?” he asked, soothingly, “It’s all right, I’m listening.”
“I didn’t want to leave my baby,” Gabriel whispered, “I wanted to be there to raise it, or at least take Zipporah with me, not leave it there in that place.” Gabriel was now breaking into full-out sobs.
“Shh, Gabe, there’s nothing you could have done.” Dean’s heart went out to Gabriel. He couldn’t imagine going through something like this.
Gabriel nodded and sniffed, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. “I know...I just...I wish I knew where it was. I wish I knew whether it was a boy or a girl so I didn’t have to call my child an ‘it.’” He looked at Dean. “My child’s eleven, out there somewhere, and I don’t even know its gender.” He looked at Dean sheepishly. “Believe it or not, I’m not finished yet. Sure you want to hear the rest?”
Dean nodded. “Of course I do.”
Gabriel smiled, weakly. “You don’t want to run screaming for the hills?”
Dean shook his head. “Never.” Part B