fic-DBSK-After All

[virdant]

Title: After All
Author: virdant
Length: 1,156 words; one-shot;
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst, (romance?)
Pairing: JaeChun mild hints of YooSu and JaeHo
Summary: It’s a bad day, after all.
Warning: implied anorexia
Notes: Why yes, Plunging Downwards and Anodyne now have a 'verse of their own! Welcome to When the Enemy is the Self 'verse, this is Yoochun's

Comments

[yuxo]

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD:

OMFG. alsdfkjsadflkjwdasdfj OMFG.

He scoops up bites to eat ravenously, as if eating will swallow guilt and mistakes. The others watch him carefully, and Jaejoong’s eyes in particular watch, waiting for the next mistake, the next problem. Yoochun bites the tips of his chopsticks in his haste to swallow the next bite, and his teeth sting through the following gulps. He chews to a beat in his head, 3/4 time and 4/4 time and sometimes even 2/4 time, largo and presto and allegro all in the same song. The others watch him, waiting for his next mistake, and so he swallows the next bite and finishes his bowl, almost wishing for more.

AND I WAS DYING, OKAY. Just. Omfg. The parallel to MUSIC and fucking, 2/4 time!? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU!? I like, shuddered. *_____*

Yunho snatches the bowl from Jaejoong and dumps the leftovers into the trash, scraping out everything with chopsticks. “Not yours,” he snaps before he calms slightly. “He didn’t eat anything,” he mutters as an

[virdant]

Thank you for reading ^^

Musical terminology is love; ^^;; I'm highly partial to it myself, though actually, I have about three fics planned that rely heavily on musical terminology... (I think I'll get killed by everybody haha...).

I'm er... tormenting Yunho next I think? sorry, but I think it's only fair for everybody to have a fic in this 'verse... though it'll likely take a while before I write it since I have crack prompts and kiss prompts that I need to do.

Mm, it's what I like the most in this 'verse. All of them are broken in some way (Changmin is probably the least broken because his fic was so short)... and the best part of it is, they're not angsting because nobody loves them! * is shot *.

ilu too~ Though shouldn't you be in bed? It's late where you are yes?

you can have the yunho angst fic when I write it? * feels bad for not writing you fic when you comment so nicely *

[yuxo]

Well of COURSE!! ^3^ I'll read anything you write. XD

OMFG YES. *__* I find it ridiculous when people don't understand it. Because like. It's MUSIC. asldkfjsdkjf MUSIC IS MY LIFE. LMFAO. Hold me, I'm a fermata. 8D *shot a lot*

Um, please do. :l I love this verse alsdkfjasdpiwapsldkjadsf. You write angst so well THOUGH YOU SHOULD WRITE MORE FLUFF AND SO MANY YESSES TO KISS!FIC HINT HINT NUDGE NUDGE LOL.

>_> I'm off to bed after this comment. XD Yay for 2:35 am! >_>;;;;;;;;;;

...If I could, I will die. ;_; Even more so because it's Yunho and he's my heart and alskdjslkdjlkff omfg. But no, I don't need stuff just cuz I comment with my fail! I comment with my fail all the time!! ^3^

You're such a doll. D: *clings* ♥

[virdant]

skjhahfd. And this is bandom yes? So music! alkdsf, I love music, can't live without it I don't know how I'm going to survive next year without piano guh. alskdfjakdlf. I love musical pickup lines. They're adorable. * flails * I need to go write fic with musical pickup lines alkdsjaf

^^;; Thank youu~ I'll try for crack? Fluff is beyond me now, I think ^^;;

g'night~ Sleep well! (though you'll probably be asleep by the time you get this haha).

's alright, I haven't written you anything really... and your comments always make me smile so it's just giving back happiness? okay, that doesn't make sense... >.> though is it me, or did you not request kiss-fic? maybe lj ate the comment?

^^;;

[jt_fangirlism]

spot for later?
i'm just saving this before going back to work..xP

[jt_fangirlism]

i just had to be back soon..
*huggles the chun* you poor thing!♥
so beautifully written..
wow, suddenly i'm speechless..*gets bricked* i'm sorry! but i keep thinking about chun's condition in your fic..:(
this is just ♥~!

[virdant]

Thank you for reading ^^ (and coming back so quickly).

Speechlessness is good, I reckon... it's just fic though, not true, haha. I'm glad you like it though; this 'verse is well, hopefully pushing the edges of conventionality.

I'm glad you like it and like my writing! Feel free to read some of my other works if you liked this (my fic list can be found here. ^^

[jt_fangirlism]

i will definitely read them! especially after seeing that you have some more jaechun (which i ♥ to bits) and a friend also recommended your multi-chap crack fic which i look forward to reading..^^

it may take a while though since i'm swamped at the moment but i just had to come back for you..♥♥♥

and yes, speechless!me is good, i assure you..♥

[mimei]

love the concept. always love to read/write lying narrators (especially when they believe what they're saying). also love the musical analogies woven through this. the way it comes out of Yoochun at the end is very neat too. ♥

if you don't mind the concrit, i did get a little blurry on the structure; i think it could possibly have a more direct effect without the repetition of the 'bad day' phrases. that might just be my tired brain speaking, though :)

[virdant]

Thank you for reading ^^

I'm glad you like it; this was the first time I attempted to write a lying narrator, and it was weird... I didn't think that it was clear enough so I added the last section for clarification. I'm glad that you like it ^^

I don't mind concrit; I love concrit. Do you mean that the bad day phrases were overly repetitive? Or was it the two different scenes switching back and forth that didn't work out well? sorry, I'm really slow >.>.

[mimei]

part of the problem with lying narrators is the reader has to pick up on clues XD

i think maybe three repetitions per section was a bit too much. partly i'm just a big fan of 'show, don't tell' with writing :]

[virdant]

Yeah, lying narators are tricky to write though; it was hard for me to not attempt to make everything consistent, which is probably why it didn't come through well enough.

Hm... I think you're right, haha. I didn't realize I repeated it three times ^^;; I shall now go and poke fic and make fixes. three is too much, I can't believe I didn't realize it was three. I thought it was two. That'll teach me to multi-task.

[chloe1910]

wow..your When Enemy is the Self! verse is darn potent.....it always managed to break my hear everytime I read them...The first 2 of this series was about a broken Jaejoong and now it's Yoochun's turn...

This si really heartbreakingly beautiful....poor Yoochun...I'm glad that Jaejoong knows and understand him so well (afterall, they are one half of a whole) but then again..Jae doesn't seems to be able to do much here except just watch over Yoochun silently and I am afraid that it might not just be enough....

[virdant]

Thank you for reading ^^

I'm glad you like this 'verse; this is probably the 'verse that is pretty much entirely my doing; usually my friend helps me build the 'verse (and fic), but in this case she just reads it before I post and points out red squiggles on her MS Word. Though actually, the first fic, Plunging Downwards, was focusing on a broken Changmin from Jaejoong's point of view. It's a confusing fic though, written deliberately so that both characters are drowning, so the misunderstanding is understandable.

Thank you for saying so; I'm glad you like it. Mostly the 'verse is about internal struggle, there's nothing that any of them can really do to help each other because well, the enemy is the self, and so it's an internal struggle.

[sy_ya]

only Jaejoong can hear the verse Yoochun wants the create and draw it into existence.
I don't understand this part. Particularly the "Yoochun wants the create & draw it into existence." :(
Sorry for this. English isn't my first language. Pathetic reason, but yeah. :(

I like the analogy with music like in this part "He chews to a beat in his head, 3/4 time and 4/4 time and sometimes even 2/4 time, largo and presto and allegro all in the same song." I'm not a music major & I won't even claim to understand terminologies, but thank goodness for Google =p Despite that, I think it's quite natural for everyone to hear music in their heads. I know I do, even though I am not musically-inclined. It's like every scene has an appropriate background music. And even when there's no music, there's always a sound accompanying each scene. Even the quiet moments are not so quiet. In fact, the quiet moments are often the most defeaning ones.

They understand each other. They are each other.I guess I can now say that your strength as a

[virdant]

Thank you for reading~ ^^

D: The reason that part is not understandable is because I have made a typo. It should be only Jaejoong can hear the verse Yoochun wants to create and draw it into existence. I'm so sorry, I'm fixing it now

[sy_ya]

D: The reason that part is not understandable is because I have made a typo. It should be only Jaejoong can hear the verse Yoochun wants to create and draw it into existence. I'm so sorry, I'm fixing it now.
Ah~ okay ^^;
I feel like such a dork... >_>;

Though actually, the music in one's head will probably be important in another fic in this 'verse. (But I shall refrain from spoiling anything ^^;;).
Ooooh~ sounds interesting. Can't wait to read it. ^^

In general, I have a fondness for simple sentences/words used in stories. Cause I remember attending a writing class and we were supposed to write a poem. Mine was about a relationship with the chess game for analogy (yeah~ how unoriginal D:) & the teacher said I should aim for much simpler topics, because it's all complicated. Worse, I don't even play chess. But it's still one of my most favorite analogies so I hope I can pull that off someday. But maybe not poetry. It takes a genius to pull off that one. Which reminds me, are there DBSK-related poetry?

Yoochun's thinness

[virdant]

Haha, no, don't feel that way; I should have picked up that typo on one of my many read-throughs; 's my fault. ^^ Thank you for pointing it out