Semi-Charmed Life (1sentence)
Title: Semi-Charmed Life
Fandom: LOST
Characters: Benjamin Linus x Richard Alpert, Alexandra Rousseau, mentions of Roger Linus, Jacob, Juliet Burke, the Others, and Jack Shephard
Challenge: 1sentence, Epsilon theme set
Word Count: 3202
Rating: PG-13
Warning(s): Yaoi, character death, character spoilers, violence, blood.
Summary: If it were up to Richard, he'd build a key to the heart of the island and set everyone free, even if Ben wasn't ready to let go of the only life he knows.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.
Semi-Charmed Life
. one - motion
"Jacob believes that a good man is a good thing for the island," Richard says, trying to convince Ben that there was no reason for him to spend all his time manipulating and hating and stealing hearts, and when Ben chuckles nervously and shakes his head too quickly, Richard adds, "Are you scared of the good you can do for your people?"
. two - cool
"It's all right, Ben," Richard said, gently pushing Ben' hand away when he was trying to place a bandage over a bleeding wound, "because blood is what keeps us alive and breathing and together, and it will all disappear soon"--because his injuries always healed quickly, much too quickly--"so just... savor the moment."
. three - young
Ben was young, so young when he continued to run into Richard, when he continued to ask if he could live with him and the Hostiles, when he was repeatedly told to go home because he would be missed if he left, and Ben didn't think that he would be accepted until he could properly explain that he could feel Richard in his heart even if he didn't know him, and that the feeling just couldn't be ignored.
. four - last
Ben would speak to most of the Others about how they felt betrayed and sad and utterly hopeless when misfortune befell them, and Richard would just stand by and wonder when Ben would become speechless and unable to (supposedly) help his people, because you can only last so long talking about feelings you've never actually felt before.
. five - wrong
When Ben curiously asks Richard what it's like to be ageless, Richard explains, "Being ageless means pretending to be above everyone else, since everyone looks up to you and worships you because you're either something to fear or something majestic in their eyes, and you look down on them knowing they're wrong, knowing that you're nothing but a victim of time pierced with cold, and that they're wasting all their time on a lie," and Ben can only smile.
. six - gentle
It was ironic, Ben thought, that Richard's hands, so rough and tense and deadly when holding a gun or a knife, could be so gentle when they filled the spaces between his fingers perfectly.
. seven - one
Ben woke to the sound of someone knocking on his door one night, and he got up and found Richard standing there, wide awake and frowning, saying he's sorry to interrupt, but he wants to come in--just for a moment, and Ben didn't know much about Richard, but when he let the mysterious man inside and when this became a nightly routine, he could at least conclude that Richard was just desperate to prove that it wasn't loneliness that prevented him from sleeping.
. eight - thousand
Richard isn't even surprised anymore when Ben comes to him, bleeding and bruised and struggling to walk and breathe for perhaps the thousandth time, but he is surprised at how swiftly he still moves to get bandages and how worried he still sounds when he tells Ben that he really, really needs to be more careful or one day, the island will give up on him.
. nine - king
Ben's the leader of this island and (almost) everyone on it, and because it's such a blessing, he knows that if he were to throw his crown into the air, available for anyone to take and become the new ruler, everyone except Richard would make an attempt to catch it, and Ben doesn't know if he should think it's disturbing or admirable for Richard to not want to become even more important than he already is.
. ten - learn
After a while, Richard learns that he doesn't particularly enjoy being the one who always goes to Ben, doesn't like how Ben never comes to him, so there's a time where he stops bringing Jacob's instructions, a time where he just lets the leader glare at him and struggle to hide his worry for the island's safety when he accosts him daily, and when Ben asks why he won't bring the slips of paper, Richard answers, "Because then you'll stop asking for me"--again, he doesn't say.
. eleven - blur
Since he's been around for years, Richard's witnessed every country's wars and assassinations and breakthroughs in some way or another, but when he hears the word history, it's like all of this has been a blur to him as he can only think, Everyone I've ever known and loved has gone down in history.
. twelve - wait
Richard refuses to hold Ben's hand in public, because when someone sees them, Ben pretends to forcefully pull him to somewhere private, as if punishment is necessary, so Richard waits until the sky turns dark and until there's no one around to make Ben feel like he has to be in control, and only then will he hold on tightly to Ben's hand and keep it still until the dawn breaks again.
. thirteen - change
Richard would often lie on the grass and watch the clouds pass by, and as time passed, the clouds turned darker, threatening to destroy everything that he and Ben and the Others had built over the years, and Richard could only firmly believe that the clouds would never be able to change how important they all were to each other when he thought that the island would never allow it.
. fourteen - command
Sometimes, Ben allowed Richard to lead and give commands to the Others as if he was the leader instead, and most of the time, Richard didn't feel confident about what he was doing, so Ben would try to encourage him by saying, "Show these people what you were born to do," and Richard could only say, "Well, that's just it--I don't really know what I was born to do," and Ben would smile like he already knew.
. fifteen - hold
"Lock your doors," they'd say when the Dharma Initiative arrived on the Hostiles' ground, and Ben would cling to Richard and lock his heart, too, because this was where he belonged and he didn't want to go back, didn't need to be rescued again.
. sixteen - need
Richard told Alex that he just needed to get away from the island to escape her father for a while, and he could imagine the disappointed look on her face when he called only a week later to sadly say that he was already coming home, because part of her father was now part of him, and distance couldn't change that.
. seventeen - vision
Ben liked the snow because it appeared to be so pure, so innocent, when in reality it was the exact opposite, cold and only present to interfere with innocent lives in any possible way (and perhaps this is why Richard refuses to leave the island to go to a place experiencing winter: he doesn't like to be reminded of the masks, the apparent masterpieces he's unwillingly created).
. eighteen - attention
They lived in separate houses, insistent on taking care of themselves without anyone's help, because one of them was too stubborn and the other was too afraid to admit that they would probably be better off taking care of each other.
. nineteen - soul
It nearly breaks Ben's heart to know that Richard could give his soul away, and the sun would rise again the next day and every day after that, unconcerned about how empty and cold the world would be.
. twenty - picture
When Ben left the island, Richard went into his old, wrecked home and searched until he was able to find and take the picture of him and Alex posing and smiling near the swingset, the sky above them a much brighter shade of blue than Richard had ever seen it, and he remembered: take a photograph, Richard, because it could be the last--and he wondered if Ben had known this would happen all along.
. twenty-one - fool
Richard would build his own ships, ones without chains or slaves or a purpose, and he would place all of them into bottles to make sure that the ships would stay perfect like this forever, and when Ben ruthlessly smashed them onto the ground without hesitation, Richard finally realized that his effort was all for nothing, because the life and fate of slave ships could never be his to decide.
. twenty-two - mad
If it were up to Richard, he'd build a key to the heart of the island and set everyone free, even if Ben wasn't ready to let go of the only life he knows.
. twenty-three - child
Ben's just a child, so he doesn't understand that he shouldn't be asking Richard about dreams because Richard, he only dreams of death dreaming of him, of claiming him after all these years, and he doesn't want to explain to an innocent child that he wishes it was all real.
. twenty-four - now
"You can't help me with my tumor or anything else, but there is a spinal surgeon here who can, and if you are strong, Richard, you will walk up to your replacement, and you will welcome him home."
. twenty-five - shadow
When he sees the statue towering over him and the rest of the island, Richard feels that he should always be willing to risk his safety for the others, and Ben calls him a fool for this, while Richard just calls it guilt for knowing the truth: what lies in the shadow of the statue saves no one.
. twenty-six - goodbye
At Ben's funeral, Richard offers to say a few words about the fallen leader, but he doesn't say good-bye or that he'll be missed (because he knows all too well that he needs to move on as soon as possible, that he can't imagine a solemn moment in his future for even a second or he will break again) and instead he says slowly, quietly, as if his own words taste like poison in his mouth, "Ben thought he'd live longer than all of you, longer than me--but he didn't, and the truth is... he lived too long."
. twenty-seven - hide
Ben could not remember a time where Richard had lost his calm, collected composure, and when he confronted the mysterious man about it, Richard said nothing, because Jacob's voice echoed in his ears (and this is my gift to you: you're going to live forever so please don't ruin it... can you hear me, richard? i said don't ruin this gift from me to you) and he couldn't find the words to explain that he was never mad or sad because he was not allowed to be.
. twenty-eight - fortune
"It must cost Jacob a fortune to get all these houses and all this food and stuff for us," Ben would say when he was younger, and Richard would just smile and tell the boy that they'd always be well taken care of.
. twenty-nine - safe
Richard rushed to Ben's side and caught him before he could fall to the ground in response to the bullet shot at him, and Richard held him and rocked back and forth, trying to make Ben's departure from the world as painless as possible, and Richard cried tears that apologized over and over but didn't offer regret, because he wasn't the kind of man who resorted to violence, but Jacob didn't need Ben anymore and the island was searching for a new sacrifice and Ben wasn't safe anywhere, so he felt he had no choice but to take a gun and point it at Ben's heart and pull the trigger all while fighting the cold metal against his shaking hands screaming at him not to do it and Ben standing there, so innocent and so frozen and heaven knows what you mean to me and will take care of you instead, I promise.
. thirty - ghost
When Ben is dead and gone, all of the monstrous things he's done in his life will become mere stories to tell future generations, and maybe it's twisted, maybe it's wrong, but even though Richard knows that he can use these horror stories to finally warn people of who they should never be if they want to survive on this unforgiving island, his heart aches at the thought of living without Ben.
. thirty-one - book
When Richard found and read the book Ben had been writing, he noticed a character that was strikingly similar to himself, and Ben could only ask forgiveness for borrowing his life and I didn't know what else to do, because everyone else is all the same, and Richard shook his head, said that Ben already had all of him anyway.
. thirty-two - eye
Richard waits for Ben to look him in the eye before he says softly, "Juliet is dead, Ben," and he doesn't even try to brace himself from the cold, cold stare that inevitably follows, the one that screams about Ben wishing that Riched was dead instead of her, and Richard just stares back sadly, wishing that was the truth, too.
. thirty-three - never
If Richard's learned anything from Jacob, it's that punishment is never given to anyone on the island without a reason, and as he struggles to keep the child's frail, damaged body underwater until his innocent soul is stolen and shattered and replaced with something much less foreign and desirable and fulfilling, he has to remind himself that this is no exception.
. thirty-four - sing
Alex starts to sing in a language Richard (surprisingly) doesn't understand, and she says it's a song about being home, and when Richard asks what the words are in English (because it sounds beautiful, so beautiful, and he has to ask), she simply tells him to look at her father, and he will know.
. thirty-five - sudden
"We've been living on this big island with dead hearts, and I think... I think I finally get it," Richard says, his voice low but determined, and Ben doesn't understand and is taken by surprise when Richard suddenly leans in and kisses him, softly but surely, and when their lips part, Richard smiles and whispers, "I finally understand that we deserve so much more."
. thirty-six - stop
Ben knew that Richard didn't think about him very often, as he was too preoccupied thinking about how he was going to live to see yet another sunrise against his will, so Ben made sure to to send Richard for Jacob's instructions all the time and he made sure to make up his own tasks for Richard to complete to try to distract the troubled immortal from such thoughts.
. thirty-seven - time
Ben was well aware that Richard was permanent and that he was just a visitor on earth, and he silently vowed to find a way to be permanent as well, with or without Jacob's help.
. thirty-eight - ash
When Ben first opened his eyes, suddenly alive and renewed, he saw Richard holding a torch, staring at him and asking if everything felt all right, and somehow, Ben undoubtedly knew that this man was his match, the one that would burn the proof of all the sins he'd commit and turn them into nothing but ash.
. thirty-nine - torn
To Ben, Richard was an angel with perfect skin that he easily pierced and scarred, an angel with a halo that he constantly pulled down and bended, and Ben watched the desolate, pathetic aftermath that would inevitably follow, and he never changed this view, never wanted to change this view, because my god, you look so lovely when you just seep through my fingers like you're nothing, Richard.
. forty - history
Ben's first word was why, due to his father always questioning why he was living such a wretched life, why he had a son when he could have so much more, why his wife was gone when he'd done nothing to deserve losing her, and why he had to resort to alcohol to survive, so Richard was always careful when asking questions, always wanting to avoid Ben's sad, faraway stare and his sudden desire for revenge on anything, anyone.
. forty-one - power
"You may not be truly good, Ben, but that's all right, because you're not entirely from the darkness nor do you wish to be consumed by the darkness; you'll forever protect the light with all that you are--and that is why I need you, and Jacob doesn't."
. forty-two - bother
And like this new disease, you do not need me is all that Richard can think, but he has no idea that the cancer is killing Ben faster and faster as their kisses become few and far between.
. forty-three - god
It's unusual for Ben, hearing these hints of happiness emanating from Richard's laugh, but it's mesmerizing, captivating, and because of this, he can't help but feel jealous (or just curious, he'd say if anyone dared to ask) about how Richard can live without fear of shame, without fear of being left in the dark by an invisible god that cherishes him above all else.
. forty-four - wall
Richard didn't know which would be worse: his fearful heart always racing whenever Jacob came close to crossing Ben's name off the wall (because Ben's just as vulnerable and susceptible to death as everyone else) or not having Ben's name on the wall at all (because Ben longed to be special more than anything, and without his name etched there to prove he was a candidate, he was nothing).
. forty-five - naked
Richard would often wonder if Ben was enough, or if what he really wanted was the idea of love just to get him through the next few years of eternity, but as he lie naked with the other man, as he felt his chest rise and fall and knowing that it wouldn't last forever, he decided he didn't want to waste time thinking about that yet and he let the calm rhythm of Ben's heartbeat successfully lull him to sleep.
. forty-six - drive
On Richard's face is a map of the world, of all the places he's visited to see people that Jacob deemed special, and one day, Ben asks Richard if they can go to these places together someday, and Richard sees right through the question and replies, "I will take you wherever you want to go, but you don't need to go where they've been to be special," and he kisses Ben before he can protest.
. forty-seven - harm
Richard knew that Ben would never be the same again after he was taken to the Temple, but Richard thought that Ben changed the most when he became Alex's father and suddenly appeared hardened, frozen, and when Ben was confronted about this, the only answer he gave was, "Just trust me, Richard, because I know better than anyone here that good fathers have hearts with no scars to show, no scars to burden their children with."
. forty-eight - precious
Humans can't fly, but their hearts can still soar (and they do, all the time)--and neither one of them wants to complain about any of this.
. forty-nine - hunger
Richard didn't need food to survive, and so he didn't see a reason for knowing how to cook--until he met Ben, which made him want to start learning how to make as many dishes as he could, and when he thought he knew enough, he would often surprise Ben with a meal, and they would sit and talk and eat together and Richard would feel human and Ben wouldn't stop smiling and everything would feel unusually normal.
. fifty - believe
Ben would ask Richard if he truly believed in time travel after all they'd been through, and Richard said that it didn't matter if he believed or not, because either way, he didn't want to have a way to escape from the time they've spent together, the time they're sharing now, and the time they still have.
Fandom: LOST
Characters: Benjamin Linus x Richard Alpert, Alexandra Rousseau, mentions of Roger Linus, Jacob, Juliet Burke, the Others, and Jack Shephard
Challenge: 1sentence, Epsilon theme set
Word Count: 3202
Rating: PG-13
Warning(s): Yaoi, character death, character spoilers, violence, blood.
Summary: If it were up to Richard, he'd build a key to the heart of the island and set everyone free, even if Ben wasn't ready to let go of the only life he knows.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.
Semi-Charmed Life
. one - motion
"Jacob believes that a good man is a good thing for the island," Richard says, trying to convince Ben that there was no reason for him to spend all his time manipulating and hating and stealing hearts, and when Ben chuckles nervously and shakes his head too quickly, Richard adds, "Are you scared of the good you can do for your people?"
. two - cool
"It's all right, Ben," Richard said, gently pushing Ben' hand away when he was trying to place a bandage over a bleeding wound, "because blood is what keeps us alive and breathing and together, and it will all disappear soon"--because his injuries always healed quickly, much too quickly--"so just... savor the moment."
. three - young
Ben was young, so young when he continued to run into Richard, when he continued to ask if he could live with him and the Hostiles, when he was repeatedly told to go home because he would be missed if he left, and Ben didn't think that he would be accepted until he could properly explain that he could feel Richard in his heart even if he didn't know him, and that the feeling just couldn't be ignored.
. four - last
Ben would speak to most of the Others about how they felt betrayed and sad and utterly hopeless when misfortune befell them, and Richard would just stand by and wonder when Ben would become speechless and unable to (supposedly) help his people, because you can only last so long talking about feelings you've never actually felt before.
. five - wrong
When Ben curiously asks Richard what it's like to be ageless, Richard explains, "Being ageless means pretending to be above everyone else, since everyone looks up to you and worships you because you're either something to fear or something majestic in their eyes, and you look down on them knowing they're wrong, knowing that you're nothing but a victim of time pierced with cold, and that they're wasting all their time on a lie," and Ben can only smile.
. six - gentle
It was ironic, Ben thought, that Richard's hands, so rough and tense and deadly when holding a gun or a knife, could be so gentle when they filled the spaces between his fingers perfectly.
. seven - one
Ben woke to the sound of someone knocking on his door one night, and he got up and found Richard standing there, wide awake and frowning, saying he's sorry to interrupt, but he wants to come in--just for a moment, and Ben didn't know much about Richard, but when he let the mysterious man inside and when this became a nightly routine, he could at least conclude that Richard was just desperate to prove that it wasn't loneliness that prevented him from sleeping.
. eight - thousand
Richard isn't even surprised anymore when Ben comes to him, bleeding and bruised and struggling to walk and breathe for perhaps the thousandth time, but he is surprised at how swiftly he still moves to get bandages and how worried he still sounds when he tells Ben that he really, really needs to be more careful or one day, the island will give up on him.
. nine - king
Ben's the leader of this island and (almost) everyone on it, and because it's such a blessing, he knows that if he were to throw his crown into the air, available for anyone to take and become the new ruler, everyone except Richard would make an attempt to catch it, and Ben doesn't know if he should think it's disturbing or admirable for Richard to not want to become even more important than he already is.
. ten - learn
After a while, Richard learns that he doesn't particularly enjoy being the one who always goes to Ben, doesn't like how Ben never comes to him, so there's a time where he stops bringing Jacob's instructions, a time where he just lets the leader glare at him and struggle to hide his worry for the island's safety when he accosts him daily, and when Ben asks why he won't bring the slips of paper, Richard answers, "Because then you'll stop asking for me"--again, he doesn't say.
. eleven - blur
Since he's been around for years, Richard's witnessed every country's wars and assassinations and breakthroughs in some way or another, but when he hears the word history, it's like all of this has been a blur to him as he can only think, Everyone I've ever known and loved has gone down in history.
. twelve - wait
Richard refuses to hold Ben's hand in public, because when someone sees them, Ben pretends to forcefully pull him to somewhere private, as if punishment is necessary, so Richard waits until the sky turns dark and until there's no one around to make Ben feel like he has to be in control, and only then will he hold on tightly to Ben's hand and keep it still until the dawn breaks again.
. thirteen - change
Richard would often lie on the grass and watch the clouds pass by, and as time passed, the clouds turned darker, threatening to destroy everything that he and Ben and the Others had built over the years, and Richard could only firmly believe that the clouds would never be able to change how important they all were to each other when he thought that the island would never allow it.
. fourteen - command
Sometimes, Ben allowed Richard to lead and give commands to the Others as if he was the leader instead, and most of the time, Richard didn't feel confident about what he was doing, so Ben would try to encourage him by saying, "Show these people what you were born to do," and Richard could only say, "Well, that's just it--I don't really know what I was born to do," and Ben would smile like he already knew.
. fifteen - hold
"Lock your doors," they'd say when the Dharma Initiative arrived on the Hostiles' ground, and Ben would cling to Richard and lock his heart, too, because this was where he belonged and he didn't want to go back, didn't need to be rescued again.
. sixteen - need
Richard told Alex that he just needed to get away from the island to escape her father for a while, and he could imagine the disappointed look on her face when he called only a week later to sadly say that he was already coming home, because part of her father was now part of him, and distance couldn't change that.
. seventeen - vision
Ben liked the snow because it appeared to be so pure, so innocent, when in reality it was the exact opposite, cold and only present to interfere with innocent lives in any possible way (and perhaps this is why Richard refuses to leave the island to go to a place experiencing winter: he doesn't like to be reminded of the masks, the apparent masterpieces he's unwillingly created).
. eighteen - attention
They lived in separate houses, insistent on taking care of themselves without anyone's help, because one of them was too stubborn and the other was too afraid to admit that they would probably be better off taking care of each other.
. nineteen - soul
It nearly breaks Ben's heart to know that Richard could give his soul away, and the sun would rise again the next day and every day after that, unconcerned about how empty and cold the world would be.
. twenty - picture
When Ben left the island, Richard went into his old, wrecked home and searched until he was able to find and take the picture of him and Alex posing and smiling near the swingset, the sky above them a much brighter shade of blue than Richard had ever seen it, and he remembered: take a photograph, Richard, because it could be the last--and he wondered if Ben had known this would happen all along.
. twenty-one - fool
Richard would build his own ships, ones without chains or slaves or a purpose, and he would place all of them into bottles to make sure that the ships would stay perfect like this forever, and when Ben ruthlessly smashed them onto the ground without hesitation, Richard finally realized that his effort was all for nothing, because the life and fate of slave ships could never be his to decide.
. twenty-two - mad
If it were up to Richard, he'd build a key to the heart of the island and set everyone free, even if Ben wasn't ready to let go of the only life he knows.
. twenty-three - child
Ben's just a child, so he doesn't understand that he shouldn't be asking Richard about dreams because Richard, he only dreams of death dreaming of him, of claiming him after all these years, and he doesn't want to explain to an innocent child that he wishes it was all real.
. twenty-four - now
"You can't help me with my tumor or anything else, but there is a spinal surgeon here who can, and if you are strong, Richard, you will walk up to your replacement, and you will welcome him home."
. twenty-five - shadow
When he sees the statue towering over him and the rest of the island, Richard feels that he should always be willing to risk his safety for the others, and Ben calls him a fool for this, while Richard just calls it guilt for knowing the truth: what lies in the shadow of the statue saves no one.
. twenty-six - goodbye
At Ben's funeral, Richard offers to say a few words about the fallen leader, but he doesn't say good-bye or that he'll be missed (because he knows all too well that he needs to move on as soon as possible, that he can't imagine a solemn moment in his future for even a second or he will break again) and instead he says slowly, quietly, as if his own words taste like poison in his mouth, "Ben thought he'd live longer than all of you, longer than me--but he didn't, and the truth is... he lived too long."
. twenty-seven - hide
Ben could not remember a time where Richard had lost his calm, collected composure, and when he confronted the mysterious man about it, Richard said nothing, because Jacob's voice echoed in his ears (and this is my gift to you: you're going to live forever so please don't ruin it... can you hear me, richard? i said don't ruin this gift from me to you) and he couldn't find the words to explain that he was never mad or sad because he was not allowed to be.
. twenty-eight - fortune
"It must cost Jacob a fortune to get all these houses and all this food and stuff for us," Ben would say when he was younger, and Richard would just smile and tell the boy that they'd always be well taken care of.
. twenty-nine - safe
Richard rushed to Ben's side and caught him before he could fall to the ground in response to the bullet shot at him, and Richard held him and rocked back and forth, trying to make Ben's departure from the world as painless as possible, and Richard cried tears that apologized over and over but didn't offer regret, because he wasn't the kind of man who resorted to violence, but Jacob didn't need Ben anymore and the island was searching for a new sacrifice and Ben wasn't safe anywhere, so he felt he had no choice but to take a gun and point it at Ben's heart and pull the trigger all while fighting the cold metal against his shaking hands screaming at him not to do it and Ben standing there, so innocent and so frozen and heaven knows what you mean to me and will take care of you instead, I promise.
. thirty - ghost
When Ben is dead and gone, all of the monstrous things he's done in his life will become mere stories to tell future generations, and maybe it's twisted, maybe it's wrong, but even though Richard knows that he can use these horror stories to finally warn people of who they should never be if they want to survive on this unforgiving island, his heart aches at the thought of living without Ben.
. thirty-one - book
When Richard found and read the book Ben had been writing, he noticed a character that was strikingly similar to himself, and Ben could only ask forgiveness for borrowing his life and I didn't know what else to do, because everyone else is all the same, and Richard shook his head, said that Ben already had all of him anyway.
. thirty-two - eye
Richard waits for Ben to look him in the eye before he says softly, "Juliet is dead, Ben," and he doesn't even try to brace himself from the cold, cold stare that inevitably follows, the one that screams about Ben wishing that Riched was dead instead of her, and Richard just stares back sadly, wishing that was the truth, too.
. thirty-three - never
If Richard's learned anything from Jacob, it's that punishment is never given to anyone on the island without a reason, and as he struggles to keep the child's frail, damaged body underwater until his innocent soul is stolen and shattered and replaced with something much less foreign and desirable and fulfilling, he has to remind himself that this is no exception.
. thirty-four - sing
Alex starts to sing in a language Richard (surprisingly) doesn't understand, and she says it's a song about being home, and when Richard asks what the words are in English (because it sounds beautiful, so beautiful, and he has to ask), she simply tells him to look at her father, and he will know.
. thirty-five - sudden
"We've been living on this big island with dead hearts, and I think... I think I finally get it," Richard says, his voice low but determined, and Ben doesn't understand and is taken by surprise when Richard suddenly leans in and kisses him, softly but surely, and when their lips part, Richard smiles and whispers, "I finally understand that we deserve so much more."
. thirty-six - stop
Ben knew that Richard didn't think about him very often, as he was too preoccupied thinking about how he was going to live to see yet another sunrise against his will, so Ben made sure to to send Richard for Jacob's instructions all the time and he made sure to make up his own tasks for Richard to complete to try to distract the troubled immortal from such thoughts.
. thirty-seven - time
Ben was well aware that Richard was permanent and that he was just a visitor on earth, and he silently vowed to find a way to be permanent as well, with or without Jacob's help.
. thirty-eight - ash
When Ben first opened his eyes, suddenly alive and renewed, he saw Richard holding a torch, staring at him and asking if everything felt all right, and somehow, Ben undoubtedly knew that this man was his match, the one that would burn the proof of all the sins he'd commit and turn them into nothing but ash.
. thirty-nine - torn
To Ben, Richard was an angel with perfect skin that he easily pierced and scarred, an angel with a halo that he constantly pulled down and bended, and Ben watched the desolate, pathetic aftermath that would inevitably follow, and he never changed this view, never wanted to change this view, because my god, you look so lovely when you just seep through my fingers like you're nothing, Richard.
. forty - history
Ben's first word was why, due to his father always questioning why he was living such a wretched life, why he had a son when he could have so much more, why his wife was gone when he'd done nothing to deserve losing her, and why he had to resort to alcohol to survive, so Richard was always careful when asking questions, always wanting to avoid Ben's sad, faraway stare and his sudden desire for revenge on anything, anyone.
. forty-one - power
"You may not be truly good, Ben, but that's all right, because you're not entirely from the darkness nor do you wish to be consumed by the darkness; you'll forever protect the light with all that you are--and that is why I need you, and Jacob doesn't."
. forty-two - bother
And like this new disease, you do not need me is all that Richard can think, but he has no idea that the cancer is killing Ben faster and faster as their kisses become few and far between.
. forty-three - god
It's unusual for Ben, hearing these hints of happiness emanating from Richard's laugh, but it's mesmerizing, captivating, and because of this, he can't help but feel jealous (or just curious, he'd say if anyone dared to ask) about how Richard can live without fear of shame, without fear of being left in the dark by an invisible god that cherishes him above all else.
. forty-four - wall
Richard didn't know which would be worse: his fearful heart always racing whenever Jacob came close to crossing Ben's name off the wall (because Ben's just as vulnerable and susceptible to death as everyone else) or not having Ben's name on the wall at all (because Ben longed to be special more than anything, and without his name etched there to prove he was a candidate, he was nothing).
. forty-five - naked
Richard would often wonder if Ben was enough, or if what he really wanted was the idea of love just to get him through the next few years of eternity, but as he lie naked with the other man, as he felt his chest rise and fall and knowing that it wouldn't last forever, he decided he didn't want to waste time thinking about that yet and he let the calm rhythm of Ben's heartbeat successfully lull him to sleep.
. forty-six - drive
On Richard's face is a map of the world, of all the places he's visited to see people that Jacob deemed special, and one day, Ben asks Richard if they can go to these places together someday, and Richard sees right through the question and replies, "I will take you wherever you want to go, but you don't need to go where they've been to be special," and he kisses Ben before he can protest.
. forty-seven - harm
Richard knew that Ben would never be the same again after he was taken to the Temple, but Richard thought that Ben changed the most when he became Alex's father and suddenly appeared hardened, frozen, and when Ben was confronted about this, the only answer he gave was, "Just trust me, Richard, because I know better than anyone here that good fathers have hearts with no scars to show, no scars to burden their children with."
. forty-eight - precious
Humans can't fly, but their hearts can still soar (and they do, all the time)--and neither one of them wants to complain about any of this.
. forty-nine - hunger
Richard didn't need food to survive, and so he didn't see a reason for knowing how to cook--until he met Ben, which made him want to start learning how to make as many dishes as he could, and when he thought he knew enough, he would often surprise Ben with a meal, and they would sit and talk and eat together and Richard would feel human and Ben wouldn't stop smiling and everything would feel unusually normal.
. fifty - believe
Ben would ask Richard if he truly believed in time travel after all they'd been through, and Richard said that it didn't matter if he believed or not, because either way, he didn't want to have a way to escape from the time they've spent together, the time they're sharing now, and the time they still have.