His back was slightly bent from where he always stayed over the table, leaning, examing. It could have been from the fumes, but those didn't always linger. He kept his viles on the back corner, stacked above the burner and caffeine pills. He liked things to be perfect when he wasn't cooking. His ocd had kicked ina few years before... it started ( Read more... )

it's really my fault for letting myself become so manipulated by people that convince me i can have at least an iota of trust in them. if not as anything unique, then at least as friends. but once you lead me on or lie to me, it won't ever come back. i have the misfortune of being a caring, genuine person and it seems that that characteristic ( Read more... )

i half-smoked a cigarette on the drive home tonight, watched each streetlight turn off before my car could be illuminated ( Read more... )

there are way too many people i think i should never have met.. but then again a couple have spawned awesome friendships with their friends. things are complicated, and quickly becoming disasterous. i think isolation is the best form of defense in situations like this, and burning bridges seems like the best solution.

You spurn my natural emotions ( Read more... )

i've found no solace in these people's homes. the floral wallpaper, their linoleum floors, outdated furniture. it makes me realize that nothing really is permanent anymore. when i wake up tomorrow there won't be a single thing that was the same as before i closed my eyes. paint will have faded slightly, people will have died, lived, loved, and ( Read more... )

I breathed the night air in through my cigarette, slowly burning at the filter. I flicked it into the road and lit another. Things shouldn’t be so hard. The full moon illuminated everything that wasn’t already tarnished from the city lights 30 miles away. Sometimes I could sneak a glimpse of a star trying desperately to emerge through the ( Read more... )

My biggest fear is blending in, becoming an incoherent automaton, oblivious to the sinking value of blood and increased interest in property worth. I looked outside today, from the second story window of our suburban house and found every other seemingly identical house had at least one S.U.V. in the driveway. These people are all trying too ( Read more... )

if you think you know me, for even a half second, step back, gaze at the sky and watch for the world to collapse on you.

when it happens, in that breath of ecstacy and lust for the oblivion, you've come close.

but you still don't know me.

This self analysis has started to get the better of me. I’ve filled my world with conspiracy theories and wild images, hoping only for the sweetest of futures. I had this dream once that I’d be someone bigger than others, someone who would die and leave a legend. But, none of that really matters now. Not when we have everyone else to look up to ( Read more... )