(no subject)
it's really my fault for letting myself become so manipulated by people that convince me i can have at least an iota of trust in them. if not as anything unique, then at least as friends. but once you lead me on or lie to me, it won't ever come back. i have the misfortune of being a caring, genuine person and it seems that that characteristic always has a way of biting me in the ass.
the smell of coffee filtered through the cigarette smoke as i lifted the coffee mug to my lips. i'd eaten a quarter of the waffle and had let the rest absorb the stale, runny maple syrup i'd enveloped it. she was fidgety.. never really stared in one place for too long. well, that's what i thought i saw out of the corner of my eye. i knew from the moment we'd met that i'd found someone i could relate to, someone i could eventually talk to and trust one hundred percent. we'd hung out a few times, afterall. she knew i was attracted to her and i hoped she was attracted to me. and despite what my friends said, what my gut feeling was... i let myself fall for her. and it was that one fucking mistake that ruined it all. she'd been doing coke with me all night, even after I stopped. i mean, we had at least a half gram between us. but it was her being unable to stop that really bothered me. i couldn't look her in the eye. i felt so fucking sorry for this one beautiful, intelligent girl because she used this shit as a crutch and not to hone her skills as a socialite.
but i didnt let it get to me.
i knew when she'd said she loved someone else what she meant. she loved two people, and tried to use me to get over them. but it didnt work for her like she thought it would. in the meantime, a seemingly tight bond was desecrated over because she decided to use a friend to get over someone else. i fell hard for her. too hard to go back immediately, anyways. i'm not hurt by it, and i shouldnt be this pissed. but i guess you can't control every emotion all the time. it sucks that a friendship was ruined over this. it sucks that i was used to get back at someone... to get over someone... just used. it's weird how dropping your guard can lead to fucked up situations. and now i know, no girl is worth risking anything of value.
and i value time the most.
the smell of coffee filtered through the cigarette smoke as i lifted the coffee mug to my lips. i'd eaten a quarter of the waffle and had let the rest absorb the stale, runny maple syrup i'd enveloped it. she was fidgety.. never really stared in one place for too long. well, that's what i thought i saw out of the corner of my eye. i knew from the moment we'd met that i'd found someone i could relate to, someone i could eventually talk to and trust one hundred percent. we'd hung out a few times, afterall. she knew i was attracted to her and i hoped she was attracted to me. and despite what my friends said, what my gut feeling was... i let myself fall for her. and it was that one fucking mistake that ruined it all. she'd been doing coke with me all night, even after I stopped. i mean, we had at least a half gram between us. but it was her being unable to stop that really bothered me. i couldn't look her in the eye. i felt so fucking sorry for this one beautiful, intelligent girl because she used this shit as a crutch and not to hone her skills as a socialite.
but i didnt let it get to me.
i knew when she'd said she loved someone else what she meant. she loved two people, and tried to use me to get over them. but it didnt work for her like she thought it would. in the meantime, a seemingly tight bond was desecrated over because she decided to use a friend to get over someone else. i fell hard for her. too hard to go back immediately, anyways. i'm not hurt by it, and i shouldnt be this pissed. but i guess you can't control every emotion all the time. it sucks that a friendship was ruined over this. it sucks that i was used to get back at someone... to get over someone... just used. it's weird how dropping your guard can lead to fucked up situations. and now i know, no girl is worth risking anything of value.
and i value time the most.