Oh Non-con writers, why do you have to be so cowardly!!!
Yesterday I read a Non-con fic that went something like this:
Chapter 1:
A: *Is totally obsessed with B!* I'm going to get you my pretty... and your little dog Toto too!
B: *Blissfully unaware*... what is that ominous music?
Me: evil chuckle.
Chapter 2:
A: *Kidnaps B*
B: OMGWTFBBQ!!! I've been rolled! And I'm tied up on a completely different planet from my own with no money -- or clothes. This situation doesn't look good.
A: Hi there beautiful, You are the most wonderful thing ever.
B: Heh... uh... that's nice, but... who the hell are you?
A: Your new master! You are now my toy.
B: WTF???? Oh hell, no! I'm Het!
Me: Oooer.
Chapter 3:
A: *Leaves for some reason*
B: What the hell, I'm brilliant, I can think my way out of this! AH HA! All I need to do is lull this guy into complacency, and then I'll enact this extremely clever (but not actually spelled out) plan. This paperclip is the key!
A: Hello honey, I'm back! I brought you flowers and dildos!
B: *Weakly* heh... that's ... sweet...
Me: OMG ooooh how is he going to get himself out of this!
Chapter 4:
B: Well then, you look awfully... masculine... today. Can I make you cupcakes?
A: *Preens* Nah, let's just screw. You can make me cupcakes afterwards. I like chocolate.
B: I'll keep that in mind... (Damn I guess I gotta give this guy a hand job or something. Yeah that will make him happy... though ew...)
*Six hours of extremely brutal and physically unlikely sex later*
A: *smokes a cigarette*
B: Wow. That was awesome...
...
Me: Wha-- wait... did you say awesome?
B: Yeah! That was the best thing ever. I'm so sore I can't move, and I should probably be bleeding to death, but I'm in heaven. If I knew getting reamed was like this, I'd have turned gay years ago.
...
Me: You are shitting me... I just read through 4 chapters, and you are telling me that brutal rape makes heterosexual men happily gay?
Author: Tee hee! It's my OTP!
Chapter 5:
Me: Maybe I was imagining the end of chapter 4. Let's see that clever plan! Or at least kick him in the balls B!
A: I love you, snugglewuggley!
B: I'm proud to be your fuck toy! Humiliate me in public please.
A: Sure! I was planning to do that all along.
B: This is the best Christmas ever.
Me: AAAAAAAAA!!!!
Why, Oh WHY do fic writers (and for that matter Doujin and even manga writers) keep doing this to me? Is my desire for emotionally realistic non-con so strange?