Not Crazy...umm, ok
So I met my psychiatrist for the first time today...looking back, my whole preconceived notion of how the appointment should have been was comletely wrong. First of all, walking in there, he didn't know anything about my past pschiatric history, or medical history, for that matter.
So much to my surprise, he asked me to describe me, my illness, and how it has affected me. I start off describing my first "psychotic break", and at what point I transitioned from "hypomanic" to a full blown or "acute mania."
He was like, "Why are you using these words? Do they really mean anything to you?" And I thought, fuck no...
So I got the stick out of my butt and told him about all of my ups and downs, and he asked me how I perceived things...we even went back to my child hood and upwards from there, discussing my parents separation, my mom passing away, and my perception of being gay and just insecurity about sex in general even to this day.
So to paraphase what he said to me..."From what I've heard, I could not diagnose you as Bipolar. IT SEEMS TO ME LIKE YOU JUST NEED A LOT OF THERAPY." Can you believe that shit!!!
I think maybe what he was saying, was that I was too cognizant of what was going on, and the episodes weren't random enough. I don't know; IT SEEMS TO GOOD TO BE TRUE...I mean it's one of those things that people say, "You'll need to take drugs for this the rest of your life...you'll never be cured." So depressing (ironic, huh)
I just didn't know how to react...I've been carrying this label, Bipolar/manic-depressive/crazy, for almost 5 years now...I saw myself as being crazy even before I saw myself as being gay.
I think it just goes to show that labeling something like this is stigmatizing, which in turn is self-esteem destroying, and completely unnecessary. Of course everyone is a little bipolar just like everyone is a little gay or a little straight for that matter...LIFE IS NOT BLACK AND WHITE. There isn't a point where you are manic-depressive and right before that you're sane. I mean, a lot of it is about coping skills. I have consistently heard predictions that an estimated 50% of reknown artists, composers, performers, and leaders throughout had some mental disorder which would be diagnosed and treated during this day and age.
I know this philosophical argument, though in the minority, has been made many times before...what are we really doing? Are we medicating people to conform to what we think should be normal for everyone. Surely not everyone could or should live the same way? What if we medicated Beethoven, Mozart, Einstein, DaVinci?
It was the intensity of their emotions which set them apart.
Ok, enough of my tirade. Just had all day to ponder this...actually 5 years to ponder this, hehe.
Truly yours,
Greg
So much to my surprise, he asked me to describe me, my illness, and how it has affected me. I start off describing my first "psychotic break", and at what point I transitioned from "hypomanic" to a full blown or "acute mania."
He was like, "Why are you using these words? Do they really mean anything to you?" And I thought, fuck no...
So I got the stick out of my butt and told him about all of my ups and downs, and he asked me how I perceived things...we even went back to my child hood and upwards from there, discussing my parents separation, my mom passing away, and my perception of being gay and just insecurity about sex in general even to this day.
So to paraphase what he said to me..."From what I've heard, I could not diagnose you as Bipolar. IT SEEMS TO ME LIKE YOU JUST NEED A LOT OF THERAPY." Can you believe that shit!!!
I think maybe what he was saying, was that I was too cognizant of what was going on, and the episodes weren't random enough. I don't know; IT SEEMS TO GOOD TO BE TRUE...I mean it's one of those things that people say, "You'll need to take drugs for this the rest of your life...you'll never be cured." So depressing (ironic, huh)
I just didn't know how to react...I've been carrying this label, Bipolar/manic-depressive/crazy, for almost 5 years now...I saw myself as being crazy even before I saw myself as being gay.
I think it just goes to show that labeling something like this is stigmatizing, which in turn is self-esteem destroying, and completely unnecessary. Of course everyone is a little bipolar just like everyone is a little gay or a little straight for that matter...LIFE IS NOT BLACK AND WHITE. There isn't a point where you are manic-depressive and right before that you're sane. I mean, a lot of it is about coping skills. I have consistently heard predictions that an estimated 50% of reknown artists, composers, performers, and leaders throughout had some mental disorder which would be diagnosed and treated during this day and age.
I know this philosophical argument, though in the minority, has been made many times before...what are we really doing? Are we medicating people to conform to what we think should be normal for everyone. Surely not everyone could or should live the same way? What if we medicated Beethoven, Mozart, Einstein, DaVinci?
It was the intensity of their emotions which set them apart.
Ok, enough of my tirade. Just had all day to ponder this...actually 5 years to ponder this, hehe.
Truly yours,
Greg