So it's been 9 months
Well, it's been awhile since I've journaled, hehe.
Not sure where to begin...hmm
I've had three jobs, two helpings of mania (the first one much more psychotic than the second), and I haven't played my saxophone during any of this time. It's been Susan and I watching TV, avoiding creditors, LIFE, and such.
You see why I haven't journaled!!! It would have been soooooo depressing...
(Funny side note...the more intense psychotic break was how I lost my second job...I was working at UPS and thought I was leading a labor revolt. HA!!! It was sooooooo much fun, crazy, but fun. I never EVER need to really do drugs or alcohol because every time I've experimented, it's never even come close to what it feels like to be manic...aka, excessively happy).
ANYWAYS...
Life has started to look slightly less hellish...I had a whole month to do nothing but think (long story). When those 30 days were over, everything still sucked,BUT...I've learned some coping mechanisms, how to exist without being so afraid all the time. I'm starting to get back in contact with family friends, answer the phone, telling the creditors to fuck off (ok not really), and/or actually chatting with family and friends when they hopelessly called, surprised that I'm actually home.
I met Justin on gay.com Friday (OK, bare with me), and he invited me on a walk that he was about to go on anyways. He just moved in down the street. Now all of my gay.com whatevers have been disasters...if you are depressed, you stay as far away from gay.com as humanly possible. Plus, I really just have never felt comfortable around men...I don't know why?!? Other than my limited 15 months of gay dating, I've never really had a trusted relationship with another male...I digress (hehe)
Maybe it was something about Justin (or maybe it was just me) but I felt so comfortable talking to him. I didn't feel like I had to impress him by fitting a certain image, whichever one I thought he would like. It was unprecendented!!! We hung out and watched a movie that night, and I then talked to him on the phone yesterday. Not sure what I want from here on out...what I need more than a lover, aka sex, is a good friend. I hate being gay sometimes. He is sooo cute!!
Sorry for the extended post...trying to make up for lost time. Hope to get reacquainted with everyone soon. Love ya =-)
Not sure where to begin...hmm
I've had three jobs, two helpings of mania (the first one much more psychotic than the second), and I haven't played my saxophone during any of this time. It's been Susan and I watching TV, avoiding creditors, LIFE, and such.
You see why I haven't journaled!!! It would have been soooooo depressing...
(Funny side note...the more intense psychotic break was how I lost my second job...I was working at UPS and thought I was leading a labor revolt. HA!!! It was sooooooo much fun, crazy, but fun. I never EVER need to really do drugs or alcohol because every time I've experimented, it's never even come close to what it feels like to be manic...aka, excessively happy).
ANYWAYS...
Life has started to look slightly less hellish...I had a whole month to do nothing but think (long story). When those 30 days were over, everything still sucked,BUT...I've learned some coping mechanisms, how to exist without being so afraid all the time. I'm starting to get back in contact with family friends, answer the phone, telling the creditors to fuck off (ok not really), and/or actually chatting with family and friends when they hopelessly called, surprised that I'm actually home.
I met Justin on gay.com Friday (OK, bare with me), and he invited me on a walk that he was about to go on anyways. He just moved in down the street. Now all of my gay.com whatevers have been disasters...if you are depressed, you stay as far away from gay.com as humanly possible. Plus, I really just have never felt comfortable around men...I don't know why?!? Other than my limited 15 months of gay dating, I've never really had a trusted relationship with another male...I digress (hehe)
Maybe it was something about Justin (or maybe it was just me) but I felt so comfortable talking to him. I didn't feel like I had to impress him by fitting a certain image, whichever one I thought he would like. It was unprecendented!!! We hung out and watched a movie that night, and I then talked to him on the phone yesterday. Not sure what I want from here on out...what I need more than a lover, aka sex, is a good friend. I hate being gay sometimes. He is sooo cute!!
Sorry for the extended post...trying to make up for lost time. Hope to get reacquainted with everyone soon. Love ya =-)