Pitiful, morose entry: proceed with caution...
Well, I think it's time to make a change. I'm lonely, but I don't go out/make an effort to meet people. I'm bored, but I don't make an effort to do anything. I think I am out of shape, yet I rarely work-out...etc, etc.
Not sure why I'm so unmotivated...what sounds logical in my head is that I was a perfectionist and now have pretty much burnt out.
And I know no matter what anybody says, it's not depression. When I'm happy, sad, euthymic, nervous, calm, "normal," or whatever...the same problems persist. I do not seem to cope while I'm in any of these various states.
It's kind of nice to liberate some of these thoughts from swimming around in my head. People always say its good to write stuff down, get things out. These things tend to run around in circles, driving me nuts.
I sound pretty pitiful, but oh well. This is whats going on, and I really could care less about anyones pity...mostly it just makes me feel nauseous.
hmm...
I really love being me. It sounds vain, but I think that I'm extremely intelligent, very creative and artistic, and not bad looking. I know that I have a wonderful personality, a great family, and lots of people who love and care for me...so I have enough narcissism. I can see all these things looking back, yet I don't really have/feel the confidence that all this implies.
Going back to this perfectionist thing, I think I just feel guilty for every moment that I'm not living up to my full potential. I know I need to stop thinking that way, but I've made virtually no progress. Maybe I need to find Jesus or something, hehe. (just kidding)
Well, off to Taco Bell to read a book all by my lonesome, at the only place I can afford to eat. Cheerio!
=-)~
Not sure why I'm so unmotivated...what sounds logical in my head is that I was a perfectionist and now have pretty much burnt out.
And I know no matter what anybody says, it's not depression. When I'm happy, sad, euthymic, nervous, calm, "normal," or whatever...the same problems persist. I do not seem to cope while I'm in any of these various states.
It's kind of nice to liberate some of these thoughts from swimming around in my head. People always say its good to write stuff down, get things out. These things tend to run around in circles, driving me nuts.
I sound pretty pitiful, but oh well. This is whats going on, and I really could care less about anyones pity...mostly it just makes me feel nauseous.
hmm...
I really love being me. It sounds vain, but I think that I'm extremely intelligent, very creative and artistic, and not bad looking. I know that I have a wonderful personality, a great family, and lots of people who love and care for me...so I have enough narcissism. I can see all these things looking back, yet I don't really have/feel the confidence that all this implies.
Going back to this perfectionist thing, I think I just feel guilty for every moment that I'm not living up to my full potential. I know I need to stop thinking that way, but I've made virtually no progress. Maybe I need to find Jesus or something, hehe. (just kidding)
Well, off to Taco Bell to read a book all by my lonesome, at the only place I can afford to eat. Cheerio!
=-)~