god fucking damnit, not again
I fucking HATE this time of year.
PHONE BOOKS. I HATE GETTING PHONE BOOKS.
I received THREE phone books upon moving into my apartment in June of 2004.
THREE!!!
Then I gave one to my mom.
Then I got three more last March.
I got rid of two more.
I have FOUR FUCKING PHONE BOOKS from 2004-2005.
And now I got another one today.
And I will get at least two more phone books in the next three weeks.
WHO ALL WANTS AN EVANSVILLE/HENDERSON AREA PHONE BOOK???
GET YOUR FREE COPY TODAY! JUST PAY SHIPPING AND HANDLING! IF YOU'RE NOT COMPLETELY SATISFIED WITH YOUR ORDER, RETURN IT WITHIN SEVEN DAYS TO HAVE ANOTHER ONE SHIPPED TO YOU AT NO ADDITIONAL CHARGE!
LIMITED SUPPLY! ORDER TODAY! REPLY WITHIN THE NEXT 37 AND A HALF MINUTES AND I'LL DOUBLE YOUR ORDER, FREE! YOU STILL JUST PAY SHIPPING AND HANDLING!
RISK-FREE, SECURE ONLINE ORDERING! JUST TELL ME YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER & EXPIRATION DATE, ZIP CODE, MOTHER'S MAIDEN NAME, FATHER'S MAIDEN NAME, CAT'S MAIDEN NAME, DOB, AGE, SEX, SEXUAL ORIENTATION, YOUR MOTHER'S SEXUAL ORIENTATION, FATHER'S SEXUAL ORIENTATION, CAT'S SEXUAL ORIENTATION, THE YEAR YOU STARTED KINDERGARTEN, AGE AT WHICH YOU STARTED HIGH SCHOOL, AGE AT WHICH YOUR CAT STARTED HIGH SCHOOL, THE AMOUNT OF YOUR FIRST MORTGAGE, THE AMOUNT OF YOUR SECOND MORTGAGE, MAKE AND MODEL OF YOUR CAR, LICENSE PLATE NO., SOCIAL SECURITY NO., THE NAME OF THE NEWSPAPER YOU READ MOST OFTEN, THE AMOUNT OF YOUR THIRD MORTGAGE, YOUR FAVORITE CHILDHOOD MEMORY, YOUR MOTHER'S FAVORITE CHILDHOOD MEMORY, YOUR CAT'S FAVORITE CHILDHOOD MEMORY, YOUR FAVORITE LIFELONG ASPIRATION, AND THEN...
YOUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER WILL PROCESSED WITHIN 7 TO 10 BUSINESS DAYS, NOT INCLUDING ANY SERVER DOWNTIME DUE TO CRASHES, FLOODING, REGULARLY SCHEDULED MAINTENANCE, OR SIMPLE UNAVAILABILITY OF YOURS TRULY.
SIMPLY SEND AN EMAIL TO THE ADDRESS ON MY USER-INFO PAGE AND YOU WILL BE ON YOUR WAY TO OWNING YOUR VERY OWN 2004-2005 EVANSVILLE-HENDERSON AREA PHONE BOOK!!!
Or, I could just recycle them...
. . .
Disclaimer: This is not a solicitation. It is a piece of satirical writing which, under the First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States, I have a right to compose and display. Thank you.
-Management
PHONE BOOKS. I HATE GETTING PHONE BOOKS.
I received THREE phone books upon moving into my apartment in June of 2004.
THREE!!!
Then I gave one to my mom.
Then I got three more last March.
I got rid of two more.
I have FOUR FUCKING PHONE BOOKS from 2004-2005.
And now I got another one today.
And I will get at least two more phone books in the next three weeks.
WHO ALL WANTS AN EVANSVILLE/HENDERSON AREA PHONE BOOK???
GET YOUR FREE COPY TODAY! JUST PAY SHIPPING AND HANDLING! IF YOU'RE NOT COMPLETELY SATISFIED WITH YOUR ORDER, RETURN IT WITHIN SEVEN DAYS TO HAVE ANOTHER ONE SHIPPED TO YOU AT NO ADDITIONAL CHARGE!
LIMITED SUPPLY! ORDER TODAY! REPLY WITHIN THE NEXT 37 AND A HALF MINUTES AND I'LL DOUBLE YOUR ORDER, FREE! YOU STILL JUST PAY SHIPPING AND HANDLING!
RISK-FREE, SECURE ONLINE ORDERING! JUST TELL ME YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER & EXPIRATION DATE, ZIP CODE, MOTHER'S MAIDEN NAME, FATHER'S MAIDEN NAME, CAT'S MAIDEN NAME, DOB, AGE, SEX, SEXUAL ORIENTATION, YOUR MOTHER'S SEXUAL ORIENTATION, FATHER'S SEXUAL ORIENTATION, CAT'S SEXUAL ORIENTATION, THE YEAR YOU STARTED KINDERGARTEN, AGE AT WHICH YOU STARTED HIGH SCHOOL, AGE AT WHICH YOUR CAT STARTED HIGH SCHOOL, THE AMOUNT OF YOUR FIRST MORTGAGE, THE AMOUNT OF YOUR SECOND MORTGAGE, MAKE AND MODEL OF YOUR CAR, LICENSE PLATE NO., SOCIAL SECURITY NO., THE NAME OF THE NEWSPAPER YOU READ MOST OFTEN, THE AMOUNT OF YOUR THIRD MORTGAGE, YOUR FAVORITE CHILDHOOD MEMORY, YOUR MOTHER'S FAVORITE CHILDHOOD MEMORY, YOUR CAT'S FAVORITE CHILDHOOD MEMORY, YOUR FAVORITE LIFELONG ASPIRATION, AND THEN...
YOUR SECURE ONLINE ORDER WILL PROCESSED WITHIN 7 TO 10 BUSINESS DAYS, NOT INCLUDING ANY SERVER DOWNTIME DUE TO CRASHES, FLOODING, REGULARLY SCHEDULED MAINTENANCE, OR SIMPLE UNAVAILABILITY OF YOURS TRULY.
SIMPLY SEND AN EMAIL TO THE ADDRESS ON MY USER-INFO PAGE AND YOU WILL BE ON YOUR WAY TO OWNING YOUR VERY OWN 2004-2005 EVANSVILLE-HENDERSON AREA PHONE BOOK!!!
Or, I could just recycle them...
. . .
Disclaimer: This is not a solicitation. It is a piece of satirical writing which, under the First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States, I have a right to compose and display. Thank you.
-Management