Another Summer Heartbreak
I'm really good at breaking up in the summer. Twice it's happened during this month too.
I may start to hate the month of So on Saturday me and Joey broke up. I think. Pretty sure. I don't know how it happened, it just did and I only realized it afterwards.On Thursday, I asked if he wanted to go to Disney with me and my family on Sunday. He seemed very reluctant, but said yes. I made sure to mention that that made me very happy. On friday, after work, me, him, and a friend went out to get some drinks. Me and other friend were just chitchatting, and joey just sat there. I nudged him a couple times, but he said he didn't have anything to contribute. Later that day, he continued to be moody. I had mentioned that at Disney, it's star wars weekend. He asked "Why didn't you tell me that before? You know I don't like Disney, but I love star wars! I would have been more excited to go." Which I replied "you should be happy to just go with me..." Then I was mentioning how he didn't like anything I wanted to do. He says "What? Like kayaking, rock climbing, camping, the beach? It's just all boring to me." This made me so sad...I want to do these things with someone I love...It's always much more fun that way. And I want someone who wants to be in my life...
So the next day, when I went to work, I texted him "I haven't been that happy in this relationship for quite some time now. And honestly, I'm not sure how much longer it'll last. We can talk when I get back." I expected that we could talk about how we could fix things. It didn't go that way at all...When I got back to the apartment, he had just woken up, so he didn't read his text messages...and when he did, he kinda didn't talk to me. I suck with words so I just sat there, feeling uncomfortable, wondering how to bring this up. He put on pandora a Brand New radio station. This station plays Brand New, Say Anything, Death Cab for Cutie, Postal Service, and lots of other depressing music. He left the room to go pay for rent or something. So while he was gone, I opened microsoft word, and typed him a message. Something along the lines of:
"I'm sorry if I upset you. I didn't mean to. It's just it seems we are both looking for the same yet different things. We are both looking for someone who is more aggressive than us. And I'm looking for someone who wants to be apart of my life, and in my life. I have been slowly cutting you out of my life, and I don't think you've even noticed. In fact, I think you've been happier; you don't have to deal with the stress of doing things you don't want, or deal with the stress of saying no. And I think i've been mean to you to distance myself, to protect myself from more heartbreak. I'm sorry." - I did mention that I still cared for him as well.
I don't know, I think there was more, but whatever. that was the gist. I didn't think this was a breakup letter, until I saw his reaction to reading it. After I wrote it, I laid down and hid under the covers pretending to be sleeping and watched him come into the room and read it (through a mirror). It all just broke my heart all the more, and that's when I realized it was a break up letter...He read it, and then he just stared at it....then he minimized it for a little, then he brought it back up again and just stared...It was awful...I let him know I wasn't sleeping, and he looked at me, and he said "how have you been cutting me out?" I replied that I hadn't invited him to anything (which is true. I've just been saying "i'm out.") Then he said maybe I've been happier 'cause I've had something to do with my time now (he's referring to a game he's been obsessed with.) I let him know it was happening before he got the game. He was quiet a little, then said "well, it's all true. you're right." which I did not want to hear at all...I cried more. He laid down next to me, and we kinda just looked at each other, me crying. I whispered "I'm sorry." and he kissed me on the forehead. We cuddled then, just kinda hugging. He said he didn't think he could ever be happy in tampa. I said I understood. That's how I was with Miami. So I told him "I think you need to go home, work on your certificate, work on you and be happy. Maybe then we can work..." More crying. I'm such a lamer. After awhile, I suggested we go eat, on me. We went to a place, ordered and sat down. (it was a healthy fast food kind of place.) When he got his wrap, he couldn't eat it. He said he felt nauseous. ...So we left after I ate half of mine (I hadn't eaten since 3am that day, and it was 4 or 5 by then, i was shaking like a mofo). We went back to his place, and it was just...such a sad day. While a friend was over and they were playing games, I started packing all my stuff. I mean all my stuff that I had kept there and everything else. He came in and asked what I was doing. I said "I'm packing for disney." He just looked at me sad and left the room. Everything broke my fucking heart. In the morning when I left for work, I gave him a kiss, and said "I guess i'll see ya when I see ya..." to which he said yeah...and that was that. I left. And cried in the car. Cried at work (or almost, lots of tearing up.) I just want to text him saying "JK!!! I'll just keep putting up with your shit, 'cause you're super sweet to me." But I can't do that...I can't keep being mad at him and sad. I want someone who WANTS to be involved in my life. I say lets go do this, that he's just happy to go do something with me. And maybe when Joey becomes happy, he can be that guy...He's perfect for me, he just needs to be more social and outgoing...then it'll be amazing. I wanna text and say "why can't you just make me happy?" but I think that'd break his heart more...I think i legit broke his heart...at least we both still talk to each other...
I may start to hate the month of So on Saturday me and Joey broke up. I think. Pretty sure. I don't know how it happened, it just did and I only realized it afterwards.On Thursday, I asked if he wanted to go to Disney with me and my family on Sunday. He seemed very reluctant, but said yes. I made sure to mention that that made me very happy. On friday, after work, me, him, and a friend went out to get some drinks. Me and other friend were just chitchatting, and joey just sat there. I nudged him a couple times, but he said he didn't have anything to contribute. Later that day, he continued to be moody. I had mentioned that at Disney, it's star wars weekend. He asked "Why didn't you tell me that before? You know I don't like Disney, but I love star wars! I would have been more excited to go." Which I replied "you should be happy to just go with me..." Then I was mentioning how he didn't like anything I wanted to do. He says "What? Like kayaking, rock climbing, camping, the beach? It's just all boring to me." This made me so sad...I want to do these things with someone I love...It's always much more fun that way. And I want someone who wants to be in my life...
So the next day, when I went to work, I texted him "I haven't been that happy in this relationship for quite some time now. And honestly, I'm not sure how much longer it'll last. We can talk when I get back." I expected that we could talk about how we could fix things. It didn't go that way at all...When I got back to the apartment, he had just woken up, so he didn't read his text messages...and when he did, he kinda didn't talk to me. I suck with words so I just sat there, feeling uncomfortable, wondering how to bring this up. He put on pandora a Brand New radio station. This station plays Brand New, Say Anything, Death Cab for Cutie, Postal Service, and lots of other depressing music. He left the room to go pay for rent or something. So while he was gone, I opened microsoft word, and typed him a message. Something along the lines of:
"I'm sorry if I upset you. I didn't mean to. It's just it seems we are both looking for the same yet different things. We are both looking for someone who is more aggressive than us. And I'm looking for someone who wants to be apart of my life, and in my life. I have been slowly cutting you out of my life, and I don't think you've even noticed. In fact, I think you've been happier; you don't have to deal with the stress of doing things you don't want, or deal with the stress of saying no. And I think i've been mean to you to distance myself, to protect myself from more heartbreak. I'm sorry." - I did mention that I still cared for him as well.
I don't know, I think there was more, but whatever. that was the gist. I didn't think this was a breakup letter, until I saw his reaction to reading it. After I wrote it, I laid down and hid under the covers pretending to be sleeping and watched him come into the room and read it (through a mirror). It all just broke my heart all the more, and that's when I realized it was a break up letter...He read it, and then he just stared at it....then he minimized it for a little, then he brought it back up again and just stared...It was awful...I let him know I wasn't sleeping, and he looked at me, and he said "how have you been cutting me out?" I replied that I hadn't invited him to anything (which is true. I've just been saying "i'm out.") Then he said maybe I've been happier 'cause I've had something to do with my time now (he's referring to a game he's been obsessed with.) I let him know it was happening before he got the game. He was quiet a little, then said "well, it's all true. you're right." which I did not want to hear at all...I cried more. He laid down next to me, and we kinda just looked at each other, me crying. I whispered "I'm sorry." and he kissed me on the forehead. We cuddled then, just kinda hugging. He said he didn't think he could ever be happy in tampa. I said I understood. That's how I was with Miami. So I told him "I think you need to go home, work on your certificate, work on you and be happy. Maybe then we can work..." More crying. I'm such a lamer. After awhile, I suggested we go eat, on me. We went to a place, ordered and sat down. (it was a healthy fast food kind of place.) When he got his wrap, he couldn't eat it. He said he felt nauseous. ...So we left after I ate half of mine (I hadn't eaten since 3am that day, and it was 4 or 5 by then, i was shaking like a mofo). We went back to his place, and it was just...such a sad day. While a friend was over and they were playing games, I started packing all my stuff. I mean all my stuff that I had kept there and everything else. He came in and asked what I was doing. I said "I'm packing for disney." He just looked at me sad and left the room. Everything broke my fucking heart. In the morning when I left for work, I gave him a kiss, and said "I guess i'll see ya when I see ya..." to which he said yeah...and that was that. I left. And cried in the car. Cried at work (or almost, lots of tearing up.) I just want to text him saying "JK!!! I'll just keep putting up with your shit, 'cause you're super sweet to me." But I can't do that...I can't keep being mad at him and sad. I want someone who WANTS to be involved in my life. I say lets go do this, that he's just happy to go do something with me. And maybe when Joey becomes happy, he can be that guy...He's perfect for me, he just needs to be more social and outgoing...then it'll be amazing. I wanna text and say "why can't you just make me happy?" but I think that'd break his heart more...I think i legit broke his heart...at least we both still talk to each other...