Overwhlemed but Overturned
I have never felt so numb before! Out of no where I start to cry, a depression came over me. At first I thought it was because I miss Cole, but there was no emotion attatched to the crying. I felt like a zombie and I couldn't be in the apartment any more. I felt dead as I walked.
I went somewhere I could look at the stars and be free and meditate. Is it possible for someone to be too optimistic? I came to the realization that I started lying to myself. I have became numb. I wouldn't allow myself to feel pain or sadness. Truly I lost faith in life. Life changes so fast that nothing can be guarenteed and thats scary. Underneath the stars, I wondered why I can't find my inner peace.
I miss my friends. Being able to do anything with them. This town ties me down and is harder to deal with alone. I wanted to go to the club tonight, but I had no ride or place to stay. this town is killing me slowly, but even faster when I am by myself.
I walked to the tire swing, i began to feel peace. i felt multiple essences surround me. I knew things were going to be ok, and again I will be able to feel true happiness. I knew, well I was told Cole and i are going to be fine. this break is good. So far it has made me realize what is wrong in our relationship and how to fix it.
I look to the stars. There was this one star, I said, "Cole if you look at this star, I want you to know I love you, I trust you and I miss you!" i began to talk to the star as if it were Cole. I began to feel his essence, and it could've been him or his essence in the past in the park. i felt his arms around me. I felt his arms around me. I felt loved and at peace. I know I can handle this space alone. I have to learn to survive when I am alone or when I have kids. I won't be able to prepare them to survive on their own. As I walked home I felt at peace and I regained my faith in life and that everything will be ok!
I went somewhere I could look at the stars and be free and meditate. Is it possible for someone to be too optimistic? I came to the realization that I started lying to myself. I have became numb. I wouldn't allow myself to feel pain or sadness. Truly I lost faith in life. Life changes so fast that nothing can be guarenteed and thats scary. Underneath the stars, I wondered why I can't find my inner peace.
I miss my friends. Being able to do anything with them. This town ties me down and is harder to deal with alone. I wanted to go to the club tonight, but I had no ride or place to stay. this town is killing me slowly, but even faster when I am by myself.
I walked to the tire swing, i began to feel peace. i felt multiple essences surround me. I knew things were going to be ok, and again I will be able to feel true happiness. I knew, well I was told Cole and i are going to be fine. this break is good. So far it has made me realize what is wrong in our relationship and how to fix it.
I look to the stars. There was this one star, I said, "Cole if you look at this star, I want you to know I love you, I trust you and I miss you!" i began to talk to the star as if it were Cole. I began to feel his essence, and it could've been him or his essence in the past in the park. i felt his arms around me. I felt his arms around me. I felt loved and at peace. I know I can handle this space alone. I have to learn to survive when I am alone or when I have kids. I won't be able to prepare them to survive on their own. As I walked home I felt at peace and I regained my faith in life and that everything will be ok!