Serve The Sentence Just To Survive
Originally published at VampAmber's Clutter. Please leave any comments there.
I seem to be entering into another one of those peaceful, contemplative states again. Unlike last time, I’m not taking this as a sign that I’m “cured” and quit my treatment. Instead, I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts.
Moving to Lakeview is an inevitable step. I can hate it and be depressed about it all I want, but I’m stuck doing it. John can try and make it worse (and believe me, he will try his hardest), but he can only succeed if I let him. I’ll have my books to read, and I’ll hopefully be able to beg my mom for gas money to come into town a few times a month. I’ll try for Social Security, and if that doesn’t work, I’ll try harder. I’ll serve my sentence, because the gods know I deserve some form of punishment (I’d get into why, but it’d take at least twenty pages, if not more so). I will go through all this, I will try and get healthy, and I will come back to Dayton. I will once again appreciate this place as a man dying of thirst appreciates an endless supply of ice cold water. I will get healthy, and some day I might be what’s considered normal, mentally. And while most of my “friends” deserve those quotation marks, the ones who truly care will be by my side as often as possible.
My goal for this time up in Lakeview is to survive. I will read, I will write, I will play all the way through Final Fantasy VI so Max will get off my back, and I will survive. I just need to keep reminding myself of that. And maybe take up meditation again. That’s helped before, it might help now.