“You have been in every way all that anyone could be…
If anybody could have saved me it would have been you.” - Virginia Woolf
Today is hard. I suppose that's to be expected, I knew what I was going to be feeling increasing dosage again. I want to let out the scream that's building but I'm afraid that if I start, I simply won't stop. The voices are getting more and more intrusive, more aggressive. I just don't know if it's worth the fight any more, I'm so tired.
I've been trying to make plans and think of the future; new jobs, career paths, training to do something else. Maybe I should go back to college or try an open university course. I just don't know how to find the motivation to try something new when my anxiety is so crippling that even looking at courses online feels overwhelming. How do people decide what they want to be when they grow up? The number may keep going up year by year but I still have no ideas what I wish for in my future. Surely I'm long overdue some kind of epiphany?
Hail Mary, full of grace. I don't think I have the strength to get better.
Today is hard. I suppose that's to be expected, I knew what I was going to be feeling increasing dosage again. I want to let out the scream that's building but I'm afraid that if I start, I simply won't stop. The voices are getting more and more intrusive, more aggressive. I just don't know if it's worth the fight any more, I'm so tired.
I've been trying to make plans and think of the future; new jobs, career paths, training to do something else. Maybe I should go back to college or try an open university course. I just don't know how to find the motivation to try something new when my anxiety is so crippling that even looking at courses online feels overwhelming. How do people decide what they want to be when they grow up? The number may keep going up year by year but I still have no ideas what I wish for in my future. Surely I'm long overdue some kind of epiphany?
Hail Mary, full of grace. I don't think I have the strength to get better.