day 14: you're the only one who knew me..
went to bed too late last night, since i forgot what day it was. woke up too early this morning, because my body has decided it doesn't like to sleep past 8. after about 45 minutes of just laying there, i decided to masturbate. after 5 minutes of tryign and failing to arouse myself, my roommates start fucking. their bed is upstairs, right about my room, and i can hear the squeaking. i cannot, for the life of me, drown those noises out, especially when i can hear them moaning. not. cool. so i pull out helga g pataki. but i can't get off to music either. so i growl in defeat and recognize that today will not be a good day.
gws 10 was meh, and i wanted to fall asleep. but instead i took notes and thought about all the things i hate about hat class. it's a great class, but the way it's shaped allows for less stimulation, and just information.
eps 80 was boring as usual. but i managed to at least halfway pay attention, instead of giving up and just writing fic all hour as usual. [does anyone else find it more fun to write fic when someone's looking over your shoulder?]
after that, i went to meet courtney at the fountain and we just talked for an hour, and it was really nice. i feel like whatever changes she's going through right now, and the things that she's learning, are allowing us to connect better as friends. and that makes me happy.
after that i grabbed some chips and hung out in dwinelle, waiting for the selina raven [dominatrix] talk, which was supposed to happen today. at 3:15, claudia started calling jeannie, because we thought jeannie was supposed to meet Selina. apparently, no one told her what room she would be in, so she didn't come. there was a huge miscommunication and i had to look at a room of 20 or 30 students who wanted to see a dominatrix and tell them some shit came up and that the talk wasn't gonna happen. i felt so embarrassed, although i so rarely feel that way. but i mean, we're representative of something a lot bigger than us, and i hate looking like we haven't got our shit together [and sometimes, we quite obviously haven't], because it just looks so bad. but we decided to give the students that showed up credit for the write-ups even though there was nothing to write about.
jamie and jeannie picked us up and we went to costco. it was a trip and we had fun, and it made me feel better. i came home with a bag of bagels, and another bag full of porn. porn night's tomorrow night, yay! =D btw, we didn't get the porn from costco, lmao..
the semester is ending rather soon, and due to that fact, pretty much everything is due around the same time. this is already starting to suck.
pam came over last night and we had cake and watched Sixteen Candles, along with the Breakfast Club. now, we wanted to watch them, because we both like bad movies. we weren't expecting sixteen candles to be so... offensive. dear god, that film was dripping with orientalism. "hey, your chinaman is laying in the front yard." come on, man. they were using him as a fucking servant, and the film played the fucking gong every time he appeared on screen. wtf?? blatant racism still kills me, but what killed me the most was the way they excused, and even normalized, rape in the film. Jake [the good guy...] said, plain out, "if i wanted a piece of ass, [name here] is upstairs, passed out drunk. i could have her any time i wanted." and they just moved on, like that. brushed it off, like that shit's okay. and then when the freshman actually does fuck her, she's OKAY WITH IT. are you fuckign kidding me? she woke up the morning afterwards and was like "yea.. i think i enjoyed it too... you were pretty wild." LIKE, 4 SRS? that pissed me off soooo much. people drive me out of my fucking mind.
i like watching things with pam, because she gets angry with me. she understood when i practically had a seizure at the end of the House episode when Foreman is treating that black womyn who was poor and on crack and etc etc, when she caved at the end and started spouting off the most liberal, middle-class white american, "if you're poor it's because you haven't tried hard enough" BULLSHIT i've ever heard from a dark person's lips. moral of the story: if a person of color thinks the system is against them, they're just paranoid and lazy. pam wasn't as upset as i was, but she understood.
i understood when she got really upset as we watched Mrs. Doubtfire. we both got so upset, she more than i, at Happy Feet's liberal ass, anti-conquest, preaching independence, normalizing globalization, "oh, this thing that fucking NAILED to my back, so the humans can track my ass down and fuck with my life some more? it doesn't hurt at all. and i'm not confused and bewildered. let's all dance so the humans will be our advocates!!!" GARBAGE. as well as their very very VERY fucked up portrayal of the hispanic penguins, and the rude and very sexual comments they made at the female penguins of their breed. we both shared our absolute ANGER at the movie Crash and it's total "oh, we're all racist! it's okay." shit.
this rant can go on for years. the point? i don't know. the world angers me.
all in all, today kind of sucked. but i'm in a good mood. =)
gws 10 was meh, and i wanted to fall asleep. but instead i took notes and thought about all the things i hate about hat class. it's a great class, but the way it's shaped allows for less stimulation, and just information.
eps 80 was boring as usual. but i managed to at least halfway pay attention, instead of giving up and just writing fic all hour as usual. [does anyone else find it more fun to write fic when someone's looking over your shoulder?]
after that, i went to meet courtney at the fountain and we just talked for an hour, and it was really nice. i feel like whatever changes she's going through right now, and the things that she's learning, are allowing us to connect better as friends. and that makes me happy.
after that i grabbed some chips and hung out in dwinelle, waiting for the selina raven [dominatrix] talk, which was supposed to happen today. at 3:15, claudia started calling jeannie, because we thought jeannie was supposed to meet Selina. apparently, no one told her what room she would be in, so she didn't come. there was a huge miscommunication and i had to look at a room of 20 or 30 students who wanted to see a dominatrix and tell them some shit came up and that the talk wasn't gonna happen. i felt so embarrassed, although i so rarely feel that way. but i mean, we're representative of something a lot bigger than us, and i hate looking like we haven't got our shit together [and sometimes, we quite obviously haven't], because it just looks so bad. but we decided to give the students that showed up credit for the write-ups even though there was nothing to write about.
jamie and jeannie picked us up and we went to costco. it was a trip and we had fun, and it made me feel better. i came home with a bag of bagels, and another bag full of porn. porn night's tomorrow night, yay! =D btw, we didn't get the porn from costco, lmao..
the semester is ending rather soon, and due to that fact, pretty much everything is due around the same time. this is already starting to suck.
pam came over last night and we had cake and watched Sixteen Candles, along with the Breakfast Club. now, we wanted to watch them, because we both like bad movies. we weren't expecting sixteen candles to be so... offensive. dear god, that film was dripping with orientalism. "hey, your chinaman is laying in the front yard." come on, man. they were using him as a fucking servant, and the film played the fucking gong every time he appeared on screen. wtf?? blatant racism still kills me, but what killed me the most was the way they excused, and even normalized, rape in the film. Jake [the good guy...] said, plain out, "if i wanted a piece of ass, [name here] is upstairs, passed out drunk. i could have her any time i wanted." and they just moved on, like that. brushed it off, like that shit's okay. and then when the freshman actually does fuck her, she's OKAY WITH IT. are you fuckign kidding me? she woke up the morning afterwards and was like "yea.. i think i enjoyed it too... you were pretty wild." LIKE, 4 SRS? that pissed me off soooo much. people drive me out of my fucking mind.
i like watching things with pam, because she gets angry with me. she understood when i practically had a seizure at the end of the House episode when Foreman is treating that black womyn who was poor and on crack and etc etc, when she caved at the end and started spouting off the most liberal, middle-class white american, "if you're poor it's because you haven't tried hard enough" BULLSHIT i've ever heard from a dark person's lips. moral of the story: if a person of color thinks the system is against them, they're just paranoid and lazy. pam wasn't as upset as i was, but she understood.
i understood when she got really upset as we watched Mrs. Doubtfire. we both got so upset, she more than i, at Happy Feet's liberal ass, anti-conquest, preaching independence, normalizing globalization, "oh, this thing that fucking NAILED to my back, so the humans can track my ass down and fuck with my life some more? it doesn't hurt at all. and i'm not confused and bewildered. let's all dance so the humans will be our advocates!!!" GARBAGE. as well as their very very VERY fucked up portrayal of the hispanic penguins, and the rude and very sexual comments they made at the female penguins of their breed. we both shared our absolute ANGER at the movie Crash and it's total "oh, we're all racist! it's okay." shit.
this rant can go on for years. the point? i don't know. the world angers me.
all in all, today kind of sucked. but i'm in a good mood. =)