wrapped up inside your lies.
vanchizzle: how are you my love?
rainbowdropkick: i'm good just hot and bored
vanchizzle: yea you're hot, WINK
rainbowdropkick: i know i know. you want my body
vanchizzle: it's true; i'd fuck you till the cows came home
rainbowdropkick: .....yeah
rainbowdropkick: oh look the cows are here
rainbowdropkick: aww too bad
rofl. i love john.
other news for me? uhm, everything's complicated for no fuckin reason. brittany and i are officially one of those "on-and-off" couples everyone's sick of hearing about. i doubt either of us is ready for what we're attempting to do, and i'm really struggling with whether i'm just desperately clinging to what she and i used to be, or if i'm actually taking a chance and putting myself out there for what we could be. i don't know, anymore, what i'm doing.
i haven't felt like myself in a really long time, and that frustrates the life out of me. spending my days avoiding thinking about genne at all costs, pretending i'm over what happened. but every time i actually acknowledge how violated i felt/feel, it feels like i'm just trying to make myself into the victim when i should just fucking get over it. i always do this to myself. i have a difficult time distinguishing between dealing with my pain, and feeling sorry for myself.
all i know is i still feel violated, still feel emotionally unstable, and know that i shouldn't be making decisions right now because i have awful judgment when i'm upset. the thing is, i'm not the most patient of people. read: i'm going to do something very stupid, very soon.
gave up on lent on day 17 [or 18?] and yes, i count sundays. and since, i've had 5 delicious orgasms. the other two were okay, nods. anyway, that's 5 or 6 days longer than last time, so go me!
you're lost inside that cold disguise!
behind your lies!!
this song isn't very good, lulz. that's probably why i listen to it.
so today in my intro to gender and women's studies class, we were discussing Sandra Bartky's Phenomenology of Feminist Consciousness, and professor alfonso asked us if we agreed with a lot of the things bartky was saying about the way feminist consciousness manifests, and we had a really great discussion which pleased me, because for the most part, she lectures and we take notes. and it was so good to hear the paranoia and what bartky refers to as "wariness" from others. i'm used to being pretty much the only wary one around, and having other people call me paranoid, or overly sensitive. but being reminded that there are so many others that feel the same way makes me feel like it's not awful, and that maybe we have a chance.
sitting in front of this screen is actually giving me a headache.
in a little while, i'm going to see Brittany S. do standup comedy. i'm so pleased that so many of the vaginas really do want to keep in contact. i'm sure you've all been a part of some group of friends or organization where everyone's like "we'll keep in touch!! xoxo!!" and then don't. or worse yet, they do keep in touch with certain people. just not you. i was sort of expecting this with the vagina monologues, but to my surprise, we're having parties every weekend, getting together to do random shit, emailing/facebooking each other so much that we made a writeboard just for us, so we can keep up with each other's lives. i'm pleased. =)
i suck at commenting. i'm sorry flist.