(no subject)
two entries within twelve hours of each other? i think so.
alright so i think i should put this out there before this story begins. i'm socially awkward. i don't know what to say to people, i don't know how to act, how to sit, how to hold certain facial expressions. my interwebz friends don't really believe this, and some people i know face-to-face [i mean, the internet is part of my rl] don't know this either. and people who don't know me at all, think i'm all confident. i would love to be these things. Brittany S. told me on saturday that i'm the most empowered person she knows. jen told me that every time i come up in conversation, people always say stuff about confidence... and that's just not me.
but there are some environments in which i'm much less awkward than usual. gws classes, vagina monologues, femsex, geneq events, posse happenings. so i surround myself with womyn, queers, queer womyn. and even within these circles shit isn't perfect. and i get so caught up in the little shit, or the big systemic shit that's so intrinsically wrong, that i forget that there's a whole social and political world out there that i willingly separate myself from, and it's fucking full of disgusting ignorance. i live in a fucking womyn's bubble, and tonight i was reminded of this.
Brittany S. was competing in this comedy competition on campus and jen invited all of the vaginas to come support her. it was sooo great to see to many happy, smiling vaginas. but, well, the comedy show was awful. some of them just weren't funny, but some of them were saying the most misogynistic, racist, just plain ignorant shit. i shit you not, one ended with a rape joke. most of his act was about frat parties, and he mainly wanted to talk about "That Girl" who's "walking around like a blind girl using guys' dicks as braille". srsly? he mostly talked about how she's so drunk that she can't dance and she says stupid things. 23 blank vagina monologues and femsex faces staring at him, the rest of the audience not very amused either. and his decision? to end with a rape joke. That Girl is passed out on the couch and two frat boys are standing over her asking each other who's going first. i wanted to scream at him. and it was such a relief to not be the only one upset, but that didn't change the fact that those idiots actually got up there and thought that shit was funny. one asian guy [yes, his race is relevant] got up and started talking about how he grew up really prejudiced, how he thought black people committed all murders, even MLK. "i've grown up now, and i've learned... they like to be called african americans." *brain explodes* later he said that he didn't have many black friends, and chloe and i were both like wonder why?
the people i voted for weren't even that funny. they were just the only ones who i didn't want to find after the show to beat their faces in. rape-joke boy, though, i had met previously. he was in my African American Studies 100 class last spring. and i actually admired him. he'd said some really insightful things about race, and that was really the first time i'd heard something intelligent from a white person about race. mind you, i've heard plenty of that since, but it was my first semester and i was so pleased that this was what i was in for. but not so much. he came up to me and desiree after the show and was like "i love womyn, my mom's a single mother; she's in womyn's studies!" like he needed to explain himself to us. like we were going to be his redemption. i turned away from him because i had nothing intelligent to say. desiree was like "yea... date rape jokes just aren't funny." he was trying to explain that he wasn't saying rape jokes are funny, but that frat boys are dumb. and really... something was 4srs wrong with that delivery. this is exactly why people think feminists have no sense of humor.
my eyes are open. i'm barely avoiding despair. my analysis has run short. anguished consciousness. paralysis. i'm tired, friends. so tired.
alright so i think i should put this out there before this story begins. i'm socially awkward. i don't know what to say to people, i don't know how to act, how to sit, how to hold certain facial expressions. my interwebz friends don't really believe this, and some people i know face-to-face [i mean, the internet is part of my rl] don't know this either. and people who don't know me at all, think i'm all confident. i would love to be these things. Brittany S. told me on saturday that i'm the most empowered person she knows. jen told me that every time i come up in conversation, people always say stuff about confidence... and that's just not me.
but there are some environments in which i'm much less awkward than usual. gws classes, vagina monologues, femsex, geneq events, posse happenings. so i surround myself with womyn, queers, queer womyn. and even within these circles shit isn't perfect. and i get so caught up in the little shit, or the big systemic shit that's so intrinsically wrong, that i forget that there's a whole social and political world out there that i willingly separate myself from, and it's fucking full of disgusting ignorance. i live in a fucking womyn's bubble, and tonight i was reminded of this.
Brittany S. was competing in this comedy competition on campus and jen invited all of the vaginas to come support her. it was sooo great to see to many happy, smiling vaginas. but, well, the comedy show was awful. some of them just weren't funny, but some of them were saying the most misogynistic, racist, just plain ignorant shit. i shit you not, one ended with a rape joke. most of his act was about frat parties, and he mainly wanted to talk about "That Girl" who's "walking around like a blind girl using guys' dicks as braille". srsly? he mostly talked about how she's so drunk that she can't dance and she says stupid things. 23 blank vagina monologues and femsex faces staring at him, the rest of the audience not very amused either. and his decision? to end with a rape joke. That Girl is passed out on the couch and two frat boys are standing over her asking each other who's going first. i wanted to scream at him. and it was such a relief to not be the only one upset, but that didn't change the fact that those idiots actually got up there and thought that shit was funny. one asian guy [yes, his race is relevant] got up and started talking about how he grew up really prejudiced, how he thought black people committed all murders, even MLK. "i've grown up now, and i've learned... they like to be called african americans." *brain explodes* later he said that he didn't have many black friends, and chloe and i were both like wonder why?
the people i voted for weren't even that funny. they were just the only ones who i didn't want to find after the show to beat their faces in. rape-joke boy, though, i had met previously. he was in my African American Studies 100 class last spring. and i actually admired him. he'd said some really insightful things about race, and that was really the first time i'd heard something intelligent from a white person about race. mind you, i've heard plenty of that since, but it was my first semester and i was so pleased that this was what i was in for. but not so much. he came up to me and desiree after the show and was like "i love womyn, my mom's a single mother; she's in womyn's studies!" like he needed to explain himself to us. like we were going to be his redemption. i turned away from him because i had nothing intelligent to say. desiree was like "yea... date rape jokes just aren't funny." he was trying to explain that he wasn't saying rape jokes are funny, but that frat boys are dumb. and really... something was 4srs wrong with that delivery. this is exactly why people think feminists have no sense of humor.
my eyes are open. i'm barely avoiding despair. my analysis has run short. anguished consciousness. paralysis. i'm tired, friends. so tired.