i can tell when i look in your big brown eyes~~

[vaginasandsuch]

it is okay.

• it turns out i miscalculated the last time i checked how many units i need to graduate. turns out i need 36, not 30. turns out i need to take 18 units this semester and 18 next semester (instead of the respective 15 and 15 i was anticipating) in order to get the fuck out of here before 2011, as planned. it's going to be okay. it's not the end of the world, by any stretch of the imagination. i'm just upset because every time i think i've got this shit figured out, it turns out i haven't and that i've fucked up worse than i'd thought. but it is not the end. i am going to be okay.
• the cold that has been plaguing me for at least 2 weeks now is on its way out and i am nothing but glad.
• clara is visiting this weekend. i called her this morning, but it want straight to voicemail so i don't know when i'll be able to contact her. =( i didn't get to see her when i was in southern California this winter, and i would be really heartbroken if i didn't get to see her this weekend. also, kory is coming back today, i believe. i've missed her pretty fucking terribly.
• in december, we were supposed to go to this bar for erlinda's 21st birthday, but then erlinda punked out and went to sleep, and the rest of us (kory, monet, sarah the hater, chloe and i) ended up at a small party at becca's place. other womyn there were people taking a couple of Gender and Womyn's Studies classes. basically, there ended up being a lot of making out/groping and such. it was crazy.
  
  but becca's more quiet friend vanessa was there, and when i was on the bed chillin behind becca (next to amie and desiree who were enthusiastically making out), vanessa was definitely rubbing my leg. it was chill and felt nice, but two weeks ago becca told me that vanessa apparently has a crush on me and would i like her number?
  
  i, of course, said yes. it's been a really long time since anyone's shown interest in me (misread interactions with T and briana and hethatwedonotdiscussonlj aside), and i'd really like to just fucking get to know someone and not feel like i have to convince them to like me, or what the fuck ever it is i thought i was doing with T and briana. my interactions with vanessa have been limited, but becca is having a party tomorrow night and i'm assuming she will be there, so....
• the thing about that, of course, is that tomorrow is also butta. i know i haven't mentioned butta in 2 years, but seriously. it's this 21+ queer womyn's party that happens every third sunday and i've been wanting to go ever since this day. that day was also the day i first met sarah [the hater]. sarah is not with monet anymore (hasn't been for... a year and a half?) and is really good friends with chloe and kory and my bestie arturo, so clearly she is a part of my life. also, she's a gws major and we have had a million classes together.
  
  if you are someone that i speak to often, you have probably listened to me fret about sarah recently. i think i have a crush on her. it is a decidedly odd feeling for me. i sat next to her in Queer Visual Culture last semester pretty much every day, and every day she had on another cute outfit and was being all sexy and intellectual and shit. but outside the classroom she is always down to talk shit and generally be hateful with the rest of us (it is how we show our affection). idk, she's just gorgeous and funny and intelligent and a total music nerd with a beeper backpack and two flutes. she's also fucking ridiculous and has the same weird insecurity around cool lesbians as i do. i don't know. if she dug me too we'd probably be really good together. man, sarah could have her own entry, but the point is:
  
  we agreed that we were going to try to go to butta this sunday! because we went to lime with all of monet and megan's cool intellectual lesbian friends and we were the youngest there and all we wanted was to be as cool as those womyn. and we've been 21 for months! why haven't we gone yet?? so we're going.
• i got a little sidetracked there, but the last two bullet points are related: both are supposed to happen this sunday. sarah says that we should just be cool and show up all late to becca's party. it's feasible: butta is 3-9pm (so early, wth?) and becca's party is at 7:30pm. doable, of course. i don't know why i'm thinking about it so much.
• also, i do NOT know how to talk to womyn. we've been over this. =|
• i am nervous about my prompt for bandomvalentine. but i am always nervous about writing things that are going to be posted. >.>

that is all. =) have a good evening, friends!