So here I am again..
It's like a circle, ya know? Somehow or another I always find myself in the same situations or in the same ending effect. I don't understand it. Regardless of what I do it seems like everything I do turns out the same way. I had thought perhaps Cortnye had been right. That maybe I just didn't put enough into the relationship. So, when I found Rebecca I tried as hard as I could. I talked to her as much as possible. Wrote her sweet things on her facebook and in texts. Everything I could think to let her know that I was thinking about her all the time. And yet it still didn't work. She still ended up leaving me. Said it was to hard for me to be here and her to be there and not know if I was ever coming home. And with everything going on she didn't need that in her life. So she threw me away. Just like everyone else. It was to hard for my wife to be apart from me. We fought all the time and whatever. I know I wasn't as sweet or loving from the distance as I should have been. But strength for the relationship is more than that. When things aren't going good you still tough it out when you love someone. I held on regardless of what she had done in the past. Regardless of how hard it was to let those things go. I held on because I truly loved her. And I wanted her to be my wife. But as usually happens, someone was better for her than I. I can't lie. I do miss her. I've missed her since I joined the army. I've been away from her for so long I wouldn't know what to do with myself if she was right in front of me. But I won't have that chance ever again. Neither will I have the chance with Rebecca. Rebecca was a wonderful woman. Caring and all that. It was nice to have her love for a while. It made me happy. But what can I say. We had never actually been able to be a couple since we have never really met. I guess that made it harder on her. Not knowing what it was like to ever be with me. No memories to hold onto in the middle of the night when she couldn't sleep or to help her though her day when it was getting hard. I can see how it could have been hard on her. So, like I said, it's like a circle. I always end up somewhere in the circle alone. And I am truly alone. My wife made a promise to her new man that she wouldn't talk to me. Rebecca is going to be moving on with her life. So, I am alone. No love to speak of. Perhaps it would be good to learn how to stand without someone beside me. To know what it's like to go on for myself. Though I've just never been that kind of person. I like to do things for people. I like to take care of someone else. Perhaps I should take care of myself for a change. Not worry about loving someone. *sighs* Who knows? Maybe it won't be good for me. Maybe it'll turn me into one of those people who despise love and everything it's associated with. Who knows. Either way will be good for me. *nods* If I don't want love anymore. I can't be hurt by it. Makes sense, right? I thought it did anyways. Oh well. It's also amazing how I always turn to my livejournal when I need to talk to about these sort of things. Crazyiness on that one too. Yet another circle I find myself in.Oh well. I'll keep running these wheel.