What have I done to deserve this?
My life is falling apart around me, and I feel like all I can do is lunge for the crubling pieces, even as they disintigrate into my hands. My family has fallen apart from the divorce, and now, members of my family I thought hated me now make contact with me, and that leaves me in a worse position, because if I get involved with them, I could very well end up not living at my grandma's anymore, and then, where do I go? Fallon. Away from my friends and family. I love all my friends...they are my family, too...dare I say, comrades, as well. I've already been unable to do squat with my friends since moving in with my grandma...and I feel like I'm losing them...it hurts so much.
Then...there's my ever fucked up love life. IM A GODDAMNED FAILURE THERE! I find it rather ironic that girls always want that guy who is nice, understanding and will bend over backwards to make them happy, and yet, when that guy comes, they push him away, and go with someone else that is more of a prick. Every girl Ive had feelings for would rather me a friend than a boyfriend. Even then, it would be a friendship with akward silences, akward moments, and that pain lingering there. Everyone tells me what to do instead, and I do it, and I just come that much closer, and fail even harder.
I dont know what to do...graduation has cost me far too much...I'm losing my friends, my family, and all that I knew...is this what I must lose to become a man...or will this pull me down, and cause me to eat a bullet? Will I make it into the Air Force, or will I washout and become nothing...a failure...a forgotten friend...
Then...there's my ever fucked up love life. IM A GODDAMNED FAILURE THERE! I find it rather ironic that girls always want that guy who is nice, understanding and will bend over backwards to make them happy, and yet, when that guy comes, they push him away, and go with someone else that is more of a prick. Every girl Ive had feelings for would rather me a friend than a boyfriend. Even then, it would be a friendship with akward silences, akward moments, and that pain lingering there. Everyone tells me what to do instead, and I do it, and I just come that much closer, and fail even harder.
I dont know what to do...graduation has cost me far too much...I'm losing my friends, my family, and all that I knew...is this what I must lose to become a man...or will this pull me down, and cause me to eat a bullet? Will I make it into the Air Force, or will I washout and become nothing...a failure...a forgotten friend...