You looked at death in a tarot card And you saw what you had to do.
I've gained but I lot a lot in the past couple of years. Sometimes I wish I could go back and do things over but that's not how life works. I didn't really mention it but I lost my stepfather last year around April 29th. After that happened I lost my friend Tommy due to cancer in November of that same year and two days after my birthday my dear friend Jarod succumbed to Covid19, which looking back I think could have been avoided had the people in the hospital he went to (twice) had been more serious about the condition he was in. All I have left of those three people that I held dear were memories, videos and messages. I still have Tommy on my friends list on Battle.net and I favorited him to pin him to the top so I can be reminded of him every day. As well as another person I used to play classic wow with. I mean, I'm used to losing people especially when my distant cousins have passed away years ago but I didn't think that I would lose multiple people that I got close to in less than a year time frame.
You folks probably would've liked them... Tommy, Jarod and Greg (another friend I lost due to a complication with a heart surgery that I used to play with in WoW Classic). Tommy was 43 and Jarod was 40 when they passed. My stepfather was 59. It just kinda feels surreal.
I think the only thing that made that worse was when my ex decided to go aloof and cheat on me for the fifth (and I made sure it was final) time. I realized it had become a trend that he would step out when I was at my lowest, even after the breast cancer scare I had about two years ago. I wish I would have spent more time with my friends and stuff while they were alive rather than wasting it on a guy that wasn't worth my time. You know? Or, you know, end that relationship when it was after the first time he cheated but I was adament on trying to keep something together because I wanted stability and I was blind towards everything else. I could go on about what he did but it's pretty much beating a dead horse because it's over. The best thing is just to pick up the pieces and continue to live, with some hope, less recklessly. I don't want to live the rest of my life regretting every choice I make or stepping on eggshells. I didn't just burn the bridge. I doused it in kerosene and threw some dynamite on it. Do I wish things would have been different? Yeah. But for a few years I was the only one doing anything in the relationship that I felt like I was just dating myself and wasting my money on a 'hobby.' Time I could have spent playing more games with Tommy, Jarod and Greg but alas... at least I got to say goodbye to some of them. Kinda made me realize through my break up if someone didn't want to stay with you during your lowest they aren't for you, especially if they just want to be around to make it worse and waste your time. It's something I wish I would have beat into my 28 year old self but hey, you know? I eventually figured it out.