Another Day Closer
I hate my job. Not that it’s a bad job, it’s actually a pretty decent job. It’s just that I’m so manifestly unsuited for it that it sucks the will to live right out of me. Not to mention the will to do anything else. I wish I could find a different job, but most every job I qualify for is going to want me to work the hours they set as opposed to my current job where the boss is willing to work around my class schedule. Of course, it doesn’t help that there’s very few jobs I’m qualified for.
Tonight, was particularly bad. The third shift person was late. As in half an hour late. It was close to midnight when I finally got out of there, and I have class in the morning. I still had to eat dinner, which meant fast food, because I didn’t have time to cook, although given how long I waited in line, it might have been just as fast to cook.
Classes are going well. I’m enjoying Intermediate Macroeconomics. Less so Visual Storytelling. Of course, if it didn’t fulfil one of the less sensible requirements for my degree I wouldn’t be taking it at all. That’s the thing I don’t get, almost half the requirements for my degree have nothing to do with my major. I wouldn’t mind these extraneous class so much, if they were interesting, or at the least I could conceive of some way the information in the class might be useful. So far most of these extraneous classes are neither interesting to me, or likely to be of any use what so ever. Consequently, that places them squarely in the category of, “Waste of Time”, and if there’s one thing I hate it’s having my time wasted. Probably because I have so little of it left. (I am in my forties after all.) It’s like so much of the material I considered a waste of time in High School. Classes I was told would be vitally important if I went on to college. None of those classes have been referenced in my college experience.
Cha keeps wanting me to come over her place, and even spend the night. I really don’t want to, not as much as she wants me to. It seems, if she had her way I’d spend every other night over there. I’m actually at the point anymore that I don’t know if I want to get back together with her. I still love her, and it’s not like I plan to start dating someone else. I plan to be alone for the rest of my life. Not that it’s going to be very long, Only a year tops. I can’t tell that to Cha. If I mention my intent to end my “life”, she gets upset and accuses me of emotional blackmail. It’s not the case because I don’t want anything from her. I just want the misery to stop.
I haven’t had much time to work on Pathfinder. Apart from thinking about it when I have a few free moments. So, there’s nothing new to report on that front.
My plans to end my life aren’t set in stone. In fact, I think a part of me keeps hoping that I’ll find some reason not to end my existence. Of course, in 44 years I really haven’t found anything. I’m just so tired of everything, and I really have nothing to look forward to. Still, maybe something will happen to give me reason to go on. But I’m not counting on it.
Tonight, was particularly bad. The third shift person was late. As in half an hour late. It was close to midnight when I finally got out of there, and I have class in the morning. I still had to eat dinner, which meant fast food, because I didn’t have time to cook, although given how long I waited in line, it might have been just as fast to cook.
Classes are going well. I’m enjoying Intermediate Macroeconomics. Less so Visual Storytelling. Of course, if it didn’t fulfil one of the less sensible requirements for my degree I wouldn’t be taking it at all. That’s the thing I don’t get, almost half the requirements for my degree have nothing to do with my major. I wouldn’t mind these extraneous class so much, if they were interesting, or at the least I could conceive of some way the information in the class might be useful. So far most of these extraneous classes are neither interesting to me, or likely to be of any use what so ever. Consequently, that places them squarely in the category of, “Waste of Time”, and if there’s one thing I hate it’s having my time wasted. Probably because I have so little of it left. (I am in my forties after all.) It’s like so much of the material I considered a waste of time in High School. Classes I was told would be vitally important if I went on to college. None of those classes have been referenced in my college experience.
Cha keeps wanting me to come over her place, and even spend the night. I really don’t want to, not as much as she wants me to. It seems, if she had her way I’d spend every other night over there. I’m actually at the point anymore that I don’t know if I want to get back together with her. I still love her, and it’s not like I plan to start dating someone else. I plan to be alone for the rest of my life. Not that it’s going to be very long, Only a year tops. I can’t tell that to Cha. If I mention my intent to end my “life”, she gets upset and accuses me of emotional blackmail. It’s not the case because I don’t want anything from her. I just want the misery to stop.
I haven’t had much time to work on Pathfinder. Apart from thinking about it when I have a few free moments. So, there’s nothing new to report on that front.
My plans to end my life aren’t set in stone. In fact, I think a part of me keeps hoping that I’ll find some reason not to end my existence. Of course, in 44 years I really haven’t found anything. I’m just so tired of everything, and I really have nothing to look forward to. Still, maybe something will happen to give me reason to go on. But I’m not counting on it.