In which our author addresses the ridiculous phrase 'playing by the rules'.
So, so so, due to work-related retardery, I don't get as much political news as I used to. It makes me deeply sad. Every once in a while, I manage to peer over niq's shoulder and catch sight of something interesting regarding, oh, say, my personal demesne, immigration. It's interesting to find so many people acting as if immigration is the new 'crime', a.k.a. The Thing Not To Be Soft On, going on about how there should never, ever be leniency for illegal immigrants because they didn't 'play by the rules' or what-have-you. Whenever someone pulls out that particular phrase, I wonder if they don't know the rules or actually do know the rules and just hate poor people from the third world. If the former, someone should tell them what the rules are, preferably in a simply worded, easily comprehensible way. SO, I've decided to write a Choose Your Own Immigration Adventure Book: Playing By The Rules. It goes a little something like this:
Page 1: You are in your home country. You want to immigrate to the land of opportunity, America, where gold lines the streets, etc. etc.
A.) You have a degree, are a multinational executive, have demonstrated extraordinary artistic or sports ability, or have unique knowledge necessary for the operations of a multinational company. Go to page 2.
B.) You have none of the above. Go to page 3.
Page 2: You can get a temporary worker visa for the United States. You can also file to become a legal permanent resident, a process that can take from 2 to 6 years. 5 years after your permanent residence is granted, you can become a US citizen. Congratulations! The End.
Page 3: You can not stay in the United States longer than 90 days unless you have immediate relatives there or unless you marry a US citizen.
A.) You have a parent in the US. Go to Page 4.
B.) You meet a very nice American man online. Go to Page 5.
C.) You have neither of these. Go to Page 6.
Page 4: You can stay in your home country or go to the U.S. to file for permanent residence. Where are you from?
A.) Mexico, China or the Philippines. Go to Page 7.
B.) The rest of the world. Go to Page 8.
Page 5: The very nice American man files for your permanent residency after you arrive in the US on your fiancee visa. Your permanent residency is approved in 6 months. In three years you can file for US citizenship. Congratulations! The End.
Page 6: You can not immigrate through employment or family connections. You decide to enter the Diversity Lottery.
A.) You are from Mexico, Canada, the UK or India, or you do not have a high school education or four years of experience in certain professions. Go to Page 9.
B.) You are from the rest of the world. Go to Page 10.
Page 7: It takes between 8 and 15 years for you to get your permanent residence. * If you are in the US at this time and wish to work inside of or re-enter the States, you must file for work and travel authorization every year in order to remain there legally. In another five years you can file for US citizenship. Aren't you glad you played by the rules for all those years? Congratulations! The End.
Page 8: It takes between 2 and 4 years for you to get your permanent residence. In another five years you can file for US citizenship. Congratulations! The End.
Page 9: You can not enter the Diversity Lottery. You are SOL. Try finding a nice American man? The End.
Page 10: You can enter the Diversity Lottery. Go to Page 11 or 12.
Page 11: You enter the Diversity Lottery and win! You are one of the 50,000 applicants selected out of a total of 6.9 million qualified applicants. Congratulations! The End.
Page 12: You enter the Diversity Lottery and lose. You are one of the 6.85 million applicants not selected. Hard cheese, my friend, hard cheese. Try again next year? The End.
And that, my friends, is the crapshoot that is legal immigration in a nutshell. I think of this as pretty fairly explaining why people immigrate illegally- the ones that do lack the amount of education, money or family connections that would allow them to do so legally. They'd play by the rules, but the rules specifically exclude them.
If pundits and politicians were being honest, they'd admit that we specifically don't want to admit poor, unskilled laborers with no ties to people who are already US citizens. It's not really in the nation's best interests, let alone those of the politicians. For the economy, we want the monied people, the skilled people, the people with international connections- the people that employment-based immigration and the H-1 and various other work visas admit. For political purposes, we want to admit the spouses and adopted children of US citizens. All this 'illegal immigrants are criminals that steal American jobs and love the terrorist' hoo-hah needs to be outed for the red herring that it is, though. America just doesn't like poor people from outside of Europe and Canada. There's no percentage in them.
*These numbers are primarily because the number of people attempting to immigrate through family members is much, much higher for China, the Philippines and Mexico. Applicants from the Philippines in particular are so backlogged that Filipino siblings of adult US citizens who applied in 1984 are still waiting for their permanent residence.
Edit: "6.4 million" on 'Page 12' changed to "6.85 million" to reflect reality-based math. Thanks to Neil for pointing out the mistake.
Page 1: You are in your home country. You want to immigrate to the land of opportunity, America, where gold lines the streets, etc. etc.
A.) You have a degree, are a multinational executive, have demonstrated extraordinary artistic or sports ability, or have unique knowledge necessary for the operations of a multinational company. Go to page 2.
B.) You have none of the above. Go to page 3.
Page 2: You can get a temporary worker visa for the United States. You can also file to become a legal permanent resident, a process that can take from 2 to 6 years. 5 years after your permanent residence is granted, you can become a US citizen. Congratulations! The End.
Page 3: You can not stay in the United States longer than 90 days unless you have immediate relatives there or unless you marry a US citizen.
A.) You have a parent in the US. Go to Page 4.
B.) You meet a very nice American man online. Go to Page 5.
C.) You have neither of these. Go to Page 6.
Page 4: You can stay in your home country or go to the U.S. to file for permanent residence. Where are you from?
A.) Mexico, China or the Philippines. Go to Page 7.
B.) The rest of the world. Go to Page 8.
Page 5: The very nice American man files for your permanent residency after you arrive in the US on your fiancee visa. Your permanent residency is approved in 6 months. In three years you can file for US citizenship. Congratulations! The End.
Page 6: You can not immigrate through employment or family connections. You decide to enter the Diversity Lottery.
A.) You are from Mexico, Canada, the UK or India, or you do not have a high school education or four years of experience in certain professions. Go to Page 9.
B.) You are from the rest of the world. Go to Page 10.
Page 7: It takes between 8 and 15 years for you to get your permanent residence. * If you are in the US at this time and wish to work inside of or re-enter the States, you must file for work and travel authorization every year in order to remain there legally. In another five years you can file for US citizenship. Aren't you glad you played by the rules for all those years? Congratulations! The End.
Page 8: It takes between 2 and 4 years for you to get your permanent residence. In another five years you can file for US citizenship. Congratulations! The End.
Page 9: You can not enter the Diversity Lottery. You are SOL. Try finding a nice American man? The End.
Page 10: You can enter the Diversity Lottery. Go to Page 11 or 12.
Page 11: You enter the Diversity Lottery and win! You are one of the 50,000 applicants selected out of a total of 6.9 million qualified applicants. Congratulations! The End.
Page 12: You enter the Diversity Lottery and lose. You are one of the 6.85 million applicants not selected. Hard cheese, my friend, hard cheese. Try again next year? The End.
And that, my friends, is the crapshoot that is legal immigration in a nutshell. I think of this as pretty fairly explaining why people immigrate illegally- the ones that do lack the amount of education, money or family connections that would allow them to do so legally. They'd play by the rules, but the rules specifically exclude them.
If pundits and politicians were being honest, they'd admit that we specifically don't want to admit poor, unskilled laborers with no ties to people who are already US citizens. It's not really in the nation's best interests, let alone those of the politicians. For the economy, we want the monied people, the skilled people, the people with international connections- the people that employment-based immigration and the H-1 and various other work visas admit. For political purposes, we want to admit the spouses and adopted children of US citizens. All this 'illegal immigrants are criminals that steal American jobs and love the terrorist' hoo-hah needs to be outed for the red herring that it is, though. America just doesn't like poor people from outside of Europe and Canada. There's no percentage in them.
*These numbers are primarily because the number of people attempting to immigrate through family members is much, much higher for China, the Philippines and Mexico. Applicants from the Philippines in particular are so backlogged that Filipino siblings of adult US citizens who applied in 1984 are still waiting for their permanent residence.
Edit: "6.4 million" on 'Page 12' changed to "6.85 million" to reflect reality-based math. Thanks to Neil for pointing out the mistake.