cat's 21st
sooo... went to cat's 21st in hamilton....
was good to see everyone and be really fucking hot and stuff. haha.
john and spiller and nuttsy were there and kept asking about tim. it's a headfuck, too. as far as i know he's still in london happilly with vanessa and deliriously wonderfully happy with himself. this is the reason he called me when he was pissed one night to tell me that she reminds him of me and for her birthday he gave her issey miyake, the perfume i wear, and that he doesn't miss me at all... so hang up the phone, don't fucking call me to tell me you don't care and how fucking brilliant your life is without me. great.
i'm afraid of tom doing the same thing. he's over there and he's gorgeous and i never understood how i managed to keep him, or have him love me so much... and now he's over there and he's going to realise that there's so much more to life than me. and that he could have so much more than me....
just like tim did.
but i dunno. maybe it's all meant to happen like this or something. but i'm tired of boys "loving me so much that they need to go overseas to find themselves" or some shit. tim was just taking too many drugs and had to fuck off. and tom... i dunno. tom never felt like he belonged here. even though he got his citezenship aand everything. but he didn't feel dutch cos he left holland when he was 5... so fucked if i know.
but if it'll help him get over his shyness and stuff, then it's a good thing.
i just hope than it turns out ok.
but anyway, cat's party was good, got maggoted... eveyone thought i was a biker cos i had ink... haha, counrty people.
then we went to hamilton's only club... the attic, got fucked up, danced like motheruckers and i got into a puch on with a 45 year old woman who just happened to be one of my friend's mum's. she didn't like the way cat was dancing so she had a go at her, and i was maggoted enough to think that i could take her cos cat had no idea what was going on... so i launched myself off a podium onto this woman, straddled her and beat the fuck out of her. haha. the ring tom gave me made a few nice cuts ... i had to clean it ... haha. then everyone there thought i was a psycho with tattoos who beats up old women.
hooray for me improving my reputation in THAT town.
anyway...
i had fun, for the first time since tom left. and i smiled.
was good to see everyone and be really fucking hot and stuff. haha.
john and spiller and nuttsy were there and kept asking about tim. it's a headfuck, too. as far as i know he's still in london happilly with vanessa and deliriously wonderfully happy with himself. this is the reason he called me when he was pissed one night to tell me that she reminds him of me and for her birthday he gave her issey miyake, the perfume i wear, and that he doesn't miss me at all... so hang up the phone, don't fucking call me to tell me you don't care and how fucking brilliant your life is without me. great.
i'm afraid of tom doing the same thing. he's over there and he's gorgeous and i never understood how i managed to keep him, or have him love me so much... and now he's over there and he's going to realise that there's so much more to life than me. and that he could have so much more than me....
just like tim did.
but i dunno. maybe it's all meant to happen like this or something. but i'm tired of boys "loving me so much that they need to go overseas to find themselves" or some shit. tim was just taking too many drugs and had to fuck off. and tom... i dunno. tom never felt like he belonged here. even though he got his citezenship aand everything. but he didn't feel dutch cos he left holland when he was 5... so fucked if i know.
but if it'll help him get over his shyness and stuff, then it's a good thing.
i just hope than it turns out ok.
but anyway, cat's party was good, got maggoted... eveyone thought i was a biker cos i had ink... haha, counrty people.
then we went to hamilton's only club... the attic, got fucked up, danced like motheruckers and i got into a puch on with a 45 year old woman who just happened to be one of my friend's mum's. she didn't like the way cat was dancing so she had a go at her, and i was maggoted enough to think that i could take her cos cat had no idea what was going on... so i launched myself off a podium onto this woman, straddled her and beat the fuck out of her. haha. the ring tom gave me made a few nice cuts ... i had to clean it ... haha. then everyone there thought i was a psycho with tattoos who beats up old women.
hooray for me improving my reputation in THAT town.
anyway...
i had fun, for the first time since tom left. and i smiled.