tom left....
so the last while has been good but shit too.
it's funny, we're being so much more careful around each other because we don't want to have a fight and leave that way... it's like we've been crammming all our favourite things to do together into the last two weeks he was here. like going to restaurants... i carusi, mo vida, and that veitnamese one... but because he's going, it's always in the back of my mind that this could be the last time we're going to do this. it's like someone's dying or something. it sucks.
i keep trying to tell him how much i love him but i know i never could. i just want him to understand that before he goes.
anyway...
he's been real grumpy becuase of the whole dutch passport organising stuff... fuck he's lazy. i ended up making the appointments for him cos he kept putting it off... then he yells at me for doing it. for fuck's sake. anyway...
yeah, so he left today. i had a cry in the shower before we went to the airport and i hoped i got it all out then. cos i know that if i start, it won't stop.
so... we went to the airport, with me, anita ( tom's mum), nicole(his little sister), nadine(his older little sister), tom and sasha (his best friend who's going with him). and then we do all the shit... then we wander around a bit... and then he's all funny and asking me if i want anything before he goes.
so we excuse ourselves and have a quick go at it (yeah, traveller's rooms!) and then yeah.
and so we're waiting there for them to leave and then he's talking to me and i'm not really taking it in cos i'm trying not to bawl... and then he's giving me this ring and asking me if i'll stay with him and wear this ring and whhhaaaattt? i was so confused and i just wanted the whole thign to go away. we'd talked about this kind of stuff before and he knew where i stood... but everyone was there and his mum was crying and nicole was giggling and it was all there and so i ended up agreeing.
and then bawling my eyes out. i don't understand why he had to do this.
so we go home... on the way home the radio's on and thy're playing fucking everybody hurts by REM.... motherfukers... and i go to bed (his home, his bed) and i keep thinking he's going to come in and cuddle up to me, like when he came home late from work and i was already at his in his bed. but no.
and there's all his thomasy stuff around and his room still smells like him and i just keep expecting to see him but i know i won't.
anyway....
it's been exhausting and shit. and scary. and i just want things to go back to when we were together.
it's funny, we're being so much more careful around each other because we don't want to have a fight and leave that way... it's like we've been crammming all our favourite things to do together into the last two weeks he was here. like going to restaurants... i carusi, mo vida, and that veitnamese one... but because he's going, it's always in the back of my mind that this could be the last time we're going to do this. it's like someone's dying or something. it sucks.
i keep trying to tell him how much i love him but i know i never could. i just want him to understand that before he goes.
anyway...
he's been real grumpy becuase of the whole dutch passport organising stuff... fuck he's lazy. i ended up making the appointments for him cos he kept putting it off... then he yells at me for doing it. for fuck's sake. anyway...
yeah, so he left today. i had a cry in the shower before we went to the airport and i hoped i got it all out then. cos i know that if i start, it won't stop.
so... we went to the airport, with me, anita ( tom's mum), nicole(his little sister), nadine(his older little sister), tom and sasha (his best friend who's going with him). and then we do all the shit... then we wander around a bit... and then he's all funny and asking me if i want anything before he goes.
so we excuse ourselves and have a quick go at it (yeah, traveller's rooms!) and then yeah.
and so we're waiting there for them to leave and then he's talking to me and i'm not really taking it in cos i'm trying not to bawl... and then he's giving me this ring and asking me if i'll stay with him and wear this ring and whhhaaaattt? i was so confused and i just wanted the whole thign to go away. we'd talked about this kind of stuff before and he knew where i stood... but everyone was there and his mum was crying and nicole was giggling and it was all there and so i ended up agreeing.
and then bawling my eyes out. i don't understand why he had to do this.
so we go home... on the way home the radio's on and thy're playing fucking everybody hurts by REM.... motherfukers... and i go to bed (his home, his bed) and i keep thinking he's going to come in and cuddle up to me, like when he came home late from work and i was already at his in his bed. but no.
and there's all his thomasy stuff around and his room still smells like him and i just keep expecting to see him but i know i won't.
anyway....
it's been exhausting and shit. and scary. and i just want things to go back to when we were together.