awhile again
I keep telling myself that I will write more often, but then I get busy and I forget or get too lazy to write again for a few months.
I rarely even write in my actual journal. I have always preferred writing with pen and paper, seemed more appropriate and perhaps more intimate.
But anyway I think I'm going to say it again that I am going to try to write more often.
I miss winter. I miss leaves falling from trees. I miss walking in from a snow storm to the fireplace and sitting next to it and having a cup of hot cocoa or a nice hot cup of coffee. I miss where I used to live. How we left the door unlocked. We had a bell on the door, and you could hear someone come in and you'd just yell out and ask who was there.
I miss being young. Anywhere. I don't think I remember being young. I was young, at some point, had to be. I do remember. My first car, it was a 1981 Chevy Monte Carlo. Gas hog. No speedometer. Broken. We called my car the hoopty. It got us around. Or it broke down and we walked. B/c instead of cell phones, we had pagers. These pagers were useless when your car broke down. They only worked when you were near a phone.
Parties. In the woods, on the rock. While babysitting. While mom was out of town, or at the bar. Lots of drinking. Party balls, planktivak, vodka, wine, anything. Drugs. Weed, coke, acid, even eventually herion once or twice.
I was young. I can't be that anymore. But I don't want to be old. I don't want to be responsible for everything. I don't want to feel like my life is over. I don't want to worry. NON STOP WORRYING. Was I ever really young or was I masking the fact that I am old with alcohol and drugs?
I rarely even write in my actual journal. I have always preferred writing with pen and paper, seemed more appropriate and perhaps more intimate.
But anyway I think I'm going to say it again that I am going to try to write more often.
I miss winter. I miss leaves falling from trees. I miss walking in from a snow storm to the fireplace and sitting next to it and having a cup of hot cocoa or a nice hot cup of coffee. I miss where I used to live. How we left the door unlocked. We had a bell on the door, and you could hear someone come in and you'd just yell out and ask who was there.
I miss being young. Anywhere. I don't think I remember being young. I was young, at some point, had to be. I do remember. My first car, it was a 1981 Chevy Monte Carlo. Gas hog. No speedometer. Broken. We called my car the hoopty. It got us around. Or it broke down and we walked. B/c instead of cell phones, we had pagers. These pagers were useless when your car broke down. They only worked when you were near a phone.
Parties. In the woods, on the rock. While babysitting. While mom was out of town, or at the bar. Lots of drinking. Party balls, planktivak, vodka, wine, anything. Drugs. Weed, coke, acid, even eventually herion once or twice.
I was young. I can't be that anymore. But I don't want to be old. I don't want to be responsible for everything. I don't want to feel like my life is over. I don't want to worry. NON STOP WORRYING. Was I ever really young or was I masking the fact that I am old with alcohol and drugs?