sons and daughters of hungry ghosts.
enter in - zombie version of katie.
since monday i have been in such a deep funk. my example for this type of said funk is as follows: you know when you walk up to a door and you clearly see that it says PUSH and yet you pull it instead. and don't learn for this abrupt mistake, but instead keep pulling it. that's what it's been like.
other examples of my zombie-ness:
Tuesday: i locked my keys in my bedroom. this is not the first time that this has happened, so i have hidden away a spare key in the crevasse between the wall and my door frame. alas, this spare key was pushed too far into the crevasse and i could not retrieve it. it came to the point of desperation. i was going to be late for class. so i went to grab a hammer from my new roommate ben's room and proceeded to hammer off my doorknob. grabbed my keys and hid my valuables, hoping that no one would take advantage of a doorknob-less room.
later that night i had to develop my first photography II project (more on this later). upon walking to the art building i thought to myself "wow, i forgot my combination to the lock on my locker. oh well, i remember putting the slip of paper with it in my wallet. ah ha ha i'm so clever and responsible!" FALSE! no just slip. had to call public safety to use a hedge-cutter-like devision to break open my padlock, whilst i promised that it was in fact my own locker.
Today: i made sure to thoroughly pack my bag for school. i had planned to spend all day on campus to get caught up on school work that my zombie self couldn't seem to get a grasp on earlier in the week. i packed every single notebook for all four of my classes today. neglected to pack a pen & pencil. sweeeeet. asking people to borrow a pen is like asking them to cut off their dominate arm. jesus.
i parked far away, parking is a bitch to find, so in my hour break between classes i thought i would walk to my car and un-pack all the notebooks i didn't need anymore and, ultimately, get a closer parking spot. well, i got the closer parking spot. but i'm still lugging around a laptop and 4 notebooks that i have no pen to write on.
luckily tomorrow is friday and this nonsense will be over with. soon?
but while all this "where is my mind" shit is going on, i'm trying to rationalize. WHY is this happening to me, a usually on-base, type A and tactful person?
1) my first photography project in a year was an entire roll (36 photos) of self-portraits. now, for a photographer, a self-portrait is a challenge. we're better behind the camera than in front. and it's just hard to hold the mirror up to ourselves rather than others. i think this initially put me in an odd place. they turned out pretty great! which is good. but still. i think this is the number one culprit.
2) a close friend of mine is sending me mixed affectionate messages. sleeping in the same bed, texting non-stop. this wouldn't be an issue if he was in a long-term relationship with another close friend of mine. i am in no way sexually attracted to him. but i always have liked him and mentioned my "jealously" that he was taken. i think this could have me in a pickle. mentally and physically.
3) money issues have really put me in a bind. i will have to ask for help for rent this month. and yet i still religiously buy cigarettes and coffee daily. whhhhhat? why?! this was the first week that i DID NOT wake up early and get coffee. instead i decided to combat my zombie-ness and get an extra hour of sleep. maybe i am one of those coffee addicts.... never thought that would happen.
4) my dad offered to whisk me away to orlando next week. just for shits and because the airfare's cheap. i think that threw me off course. got me dwelling on the fact that i have this winter and one more to go before i can truly leave town.
whatever it may be. it's annoying as hell. and needs to end.
since monday i have been in such a deep funk. my example for this type of said funk is as follows: you know when you walk up to a door and you clearly see that it says PUSH and yet you pull it instead. and don't learn for this abrupt mistake, but instead keep pulling it. that's what it's been like.
other examples of my zombie-ness:
Tuesday: i locked my keys in my bedroom. this is not the first time that this has happened, so i have hidden away a spare key in the crevasse between the wall and my door frame. alas, this spare key was pushed too far into the crevasse and i could not retrieve it. it came to the point of desperation. i was going to be late for class. so i went to grab a hammer from my new roommate ben's room and proceeded to hammer off my doorknob. grabbed my keys and hid my valuables, hoping that no one would take advantage of a doorknob-less room.
later that night i had to develop my first photography II project (more on this later). upon walking to the art building i thought to myself "wow, i forgot my combination to the lock on my locker. oh well, i remember putting the slip of paper with it in my wallet. ah ha ha i'm so clever and responsible!" FALSE! no just slip. had to call public safety to use a hedge-cutter-like devision to break open my padlock, whilst i promised that it was in fact my own locker.
Today: i made sure to thoroughly pack my bag for school. i had planned to spend all day on campus to get caught up on school work that my zombie self couldn't seem to get a grasp on earlier in the week. i packed every single notebook for all four of my classes today. neglected to pack a pen & pencil. sweeeeet. asking people to borrow a pen is like asking them to cut off their dominate arm. jesus.
i parked far away, parking is a bitch to find, so in my hour break between classes i thought i would walk to my car and un-pack all the notebooks i didn't need anymore and, ultimately, get a closer parking spot. well, i got the closer parking spot. but i'm still lugging around a laptop and 4 notebooks that i have no pen to write on.
luckily tomorrow is friday and this nonsense will be over with. soon?
but while all this "where is my mind" shit is going on, i'm trying to rationalize. WHY is this happening to me, a usually on-base, type A and tactful person?
1) my first photography project in a year was an entire roll (36 photos) of self-portraits. now, for a photographer, a self-portrait is a challenge. we're better behind the camera than in front. and it's just hard to hold the mirror up to ourselves rather than others. i think this initially put me in an odd place. they turned out pretty great! which is good. but still. i think this is the number one culprit.
2) a close friend of mine is sending me mixed affectionate messages. sleeping in the same bed, texting non-stop. this wouldn't be an issue if he was in a long-term relationship with another close friend of mine. i am in no way sexually attracted to him. but i always have liked him and mentioned my "jealously" that he was taken. i think this could have me in a pickle. mentally and physically.
3) money issues have really put me in a bind. i will have to ask for help for rent this month. and yet i still religiously buy cigarettes and coffee daily. whhhhhat? why?! this was the first week that i DID NOT wake up early and get coffee. instead i decided to combat my zombie-ness and get an extra hour of sleep. maybe i am one of those coffee addicts.... never thought that would happen.
4) my dad offered to whisk me away to orlando next week. just for shits and because the airfare's cheap. i think that threw me off course. got me dwelling on the fact that i have this winter and one more to go before i can truly leave town.
whatever it may be. it's annoying as hell. and needs to end.