Life
Down to my last day and a half. I am starting to feel physically ill just thinking of going back to work on Monday. I had forgotten how great it was to have my hands not hurt. Why? Why must I destroy myself to help my family? I must start making better choices.
Dianna called me this morning. She was crying, well almost, and asked me to please find out how much a bus ticket back to Oregon is. She says she wants to come home. I am not sure what home means to her though, as she knows she cannot come here. What am I suposed to do? Financially there is no way I can help her even if I wanted to. Is there a home for her to come to? Does she just want to return to her stomping grounds of the Eugene drug world? What happened to her cleaning herself up there? Did she burn those bridges already too? So many questions and no answers for poor Dianna.
Luis has started an Englis class. It is to learn to write english. It is hard to put our language down in writing. Even we who were born to it often do not do a good job of experssing ourselves through the writen word. Those of us who have mastered the art of writing often fall short in terms of spelling. I am glad that he is doing something for himself. I am tired of having to write things for him and do feel that he has advanced as far as he could on his own. He goes the same day that I go to the adoption classes.
The last class I atteneded was the last one of the group of classes, but I had started in the middle, therefor I have a few left to go. I think that I will miss them when I am done. It is great to be able to associate with other people in my same situation. The do have foster groups and such, and I think I should start to attend. The one here in my area sadly is durring work hours. What is it with people? Don't foster parents work too? I am seriously going to call them and ask why we cannot have the meeting during an evening or on the weekend instead of while most working people are at WORK.
I have never been this broke before in my life. I actually was in the hole with the bank. I do not know how that happened. I am going to have to plead temporary insanity. I always know what I have in there and how much is left that I can spend, but somewhere I went wrong. Good thing I was able to borrow the money from Sam to cover the overdraft fee. SHIT SHIT SHIT. I get a small check on the first for Gabriel, well it did not come. We had to do the recertification and now I may have to wait a week, maybe two till I get it. Than there is always my unemployment check. I may have that by this coming Friday. I have to call it in tomorrow evening. Not much but it will help. All the plans I had for this month are shot. I had wanted to take the girls shopping at the mall. We never do things like that and for months we had been talking about it. I want to take my three girls to build a bear and for the four of us to make our own stuffed animal. That would have been so much fun..FLUSHED DOWN THE TOILET. I had planned on buying a new computer this month, on Black Friday. FLUSHED DOWN THE FREAKING TOILET. I guess it will be another year with this slow crappy over used computer. This sucks.
I have been thinking of putting some things on craiglist and the other ebay site like it, I think it is called Kijiji, which if I remember right is some african language and means village. It is slow for now, but it may pick up. I thought I could sell my new digital camera, since without a new computer I may never get to use it anyway. There are picks on it from Lizy and Gabriel's party, but no way for me to download it. The thing is that both Kim and Luis have photo stuff on this computer and it already made me have to take things off the computer. Sure I could use it the way it is if I had the money to buy a card for my camera, but for now it is on the cameras internal thingy. So, if I want to put them on the computer I have to load the driver into an already crammed slow computer. Maybe just selling it would be a better option. I would think that even not being a fantastic brand name that I could still ask 140 for it, after all the things works great, is new and has 10 MegaPixels. $140 would be certainly nice right now.
I need to go to the freaking dollar store to buy some shampoo. How ghetto is that. Sheesh. Me, who loves her Pantene. I look around the house and note the things we are running out of...laundry soap, last bought by ME, toilet paper -Yep, you guessed it I bought it last, dish soap, need I say I bought that too. I am the one with the least and yet I do the most. Isn't that the way it usually is. That is why those with the most have the most..they are stingy bastards. You know that it is the poor people who are usually first to lend a hand to those in need. Often they are just as much in need as those they are helping, whereas the rich just look the otherway as they cross the road. Money sucks shit. I want a world with no money. A world where people barter. So, you can make awesome quilts, I can trade you for some...you get the point. People need to learn to help one another, as well as to be more self sufficeint.
I long for my own home. When I say own, I mean as in mine and mine alone. Me being the only adult there. Just me and my five youngsters. I want to have this home in the country where we will have our own small garden, just big enough to supply us with our needs. A fruit orchard, maybe some nuts too, yes we need nuts also, two milk cows, chickens, perhaps a few pigs. You get the idea. Of course we would have to have at least three horses. I would love to have solar panels for our own electricity. The only tie to the outside world I would like to have is a phone line for computer and phone of course. What a wonderful life that would be. I would be in heaven getting up before the sun to collect eggs for our breakfast, hanging our laundry out to dry on sunny days, learning to can, sitting with my girls on a cold evening as we work on a quilt together. I was born a few hundred years late.
I lost a few of my ratties these past few weeks, but I cannot count them in with the losses from the illness. Nope, these girls were getting on in age and I know it was just there time. I seriously think I need to step back from the rats for now. I am thinking of rehoming all the pets except for the two gliders. The children seem to have lost interest in pets lately. I am sure it is just that they are very intune to my feelings and picked it up from me. I had hoped that Pepper would be my dog forever. I think I am searching for another Little Bit. He is not a bad dog, but he is a boring old man. He barks a tad too much and it has gotten him in trouble with Luis, as Pepper does not like Luis, and I do not blame him at all. He does not bark when the girls come in and will only start to snarl when Joey comes in, but with adult males he will bark, and does not know when to quit. My mother lent me a bark collar. I took it into Petsmart to get a battery, but came out empty handed. The stupid bitch there told me that those batteries are very specialized and as they only carry pet safe than they would not have it. I asked if they had a little screw driver so we could open it up and check, at which she vanished to check on a screw driver, never to return the cunt. I spoke with another employee that told me IF they did have one that no one there would know where to find it. I left. I better find where the collar is and open it so that when one of my checks come in I can get the battery. Maybe if Pepper wears it for a few weeks the barking will stop. I don't know. He does not potty in the house. He cuddles. He loves car rides. He loves going for walks. He listens off leash outside, I could go on with the good points. But...he is of course beyond his puppy days. He does not WANT to learn new tricks. He is content to lay around most of the day. I know he is a middle aged male. I have to remember the new rule I have for myself...ONLY FEMALE, no male dogs. I do not know. Maybe Pepper will stay with us. I feel like he needs us and he is not that much work at all. Poor old man. If only he would get over the barking. He sleeps with me, snuggles with me, follows me everywhere, but...I don't know.
Dianna called me this morning. She was crying, well almost, and asked me to please find out how much a bus ticket back to Oregon is. She says she wants to come home. I am not sure what home means to her though, as she knows she cannot come here. What am I suposed to do? Financially there is no way I can help her even if I wanted to. Is there a home for her to come to? Does she just want to return to her stomping grounds of the Eugene drug world? What happened to her cleaning herself up there? Did she burn those bridges already too? So many questions and no answers for poor Dianna.
Luis has started an Englis class. It is to learn to write english. It is hard to put our language down in writing. Even we who were born to it often do not do a good job of experssing ourselves through the writen word. Those of us who have mastered the art of writing often fall short in terms of spelling. I am glad that he is doing something for himself. I am tired of having to write things for him and do feel that he has advanced as far as he could on his own. He goes the same day that I go to the adoption classes.
The last class I atteneded was the last one of the group of classes, but I had started in the middle, therefor I have a few left to go. I think that I will miss them when I am done. It is great to be able to associate with other people in my same situation. The do have foster groups and such, and I think I should start to attend. The one here in my area sadly is durring work hours. What is it with people? Don't foster parents work too? I am seriously going to call them and ask why we cannot have the meeting during an evening or on the weekend instead of while most working people are at WORK.
I have never been this broke before in my life. I actually was in the hole with the bank. I do not know how that happened. I am going to have to plead temporary insanity. I always know what I have in there and how much is left that I can spend, but somewhere I went wrong. Good thing I was able to borrow the money from Sam to cover the overdraft fee. SHIT SHIT SHIT. I get a small check on the first for Gabriel, well it did not come. We had to do the recertification and now I may have to wait a week, maybe two till I get it. Than there is always my unemployment check. I may have that by this coming Friday. I have to call it in tomorrow evening. Not much but it will help. All the plans I had for this month are shot. I had wanted to take the girls shopping at the mall. We never do things like that and for months we had been talking about it. I want to take my three girls to build a bear and for the four of us to make our own stuffed animal. That would have been so much fun..FLUSHED DOWN THE TOILET. I had planned on buying a new computer this month, on Black Friday. FLUSHED DOWN THE FREAKING TOILET. I guess it will be another year with this slow crappy over used computer. This sucks.
I have been thinking of putting some things on craiglist and the other ebay site like it, I think it is called Kijiji, which if I remember right is some african language and means village. It is slow for now, but it may pick up. I thought I could sell my new digital camera, since without a new computer I may never get to use it anyway. There are picks on it from Lizy and Gabriel's party, but no way for me to download it. The thing is that both Kim and Luis have photo stuff on this computer and it already made me have to take things off the computer. Sure I could use it the way it is if I had the money to buy a card for my camera, but for now it is on the cameras internal thingy. So, if I want to put them on the computer I have to load the driver into an already crammed slow computer. Maybe just selling it would be a better option. I would think that even not being a fantastic brand name that I could still ask 140 for it, after all the things works great, is new and has 10 MegaPixels. $140 would be certainly nice right now.
I need to go to the freaking dollar store to buy some shampoo. How ghetto is that. Sheesh. Me, who loves her Pantene. I look around the house and note the things we are running out of...laundry soap, last bought by ME, toilet paper -Yep, you guessed it I bought it last, dish soap, need I say I bought that too. I am the one with the least and yet I do the most. Isn't that the way it usually is. That is why those with the most have the most..they are stingy bastards. You know that it is the poor people who are usually first to lend a hand to those in need. Often they are just as much in need as those they are helping, whereas the rich just look the otherway as they cross the road. Money sucks shit. I want a world with no money. A world where people barter. So, you can make awesome quilts, I can trade you for some...you get the point. People need to learn to help one another, as well as to be more self sufficeint.
I long for my own home. When I say own, I mean as in mine and mine alone. Me being the only adult there. Just me and my five youngsters. I want to have this home in the country where we will have our own small garden, just big enough to supply us with our needs. A fruit orchard, maybe some nuts too, yes we need nuts also, two milk cows, chickens, perhaps a few pigs. You get the idea. Of course we would have to have at least three horses. I would love to have solar panels for our own electricity. The only tie to the outside world I would like to have is a phone line for computer and phone of course. What a wonderful life that would be. I would be in heaven getting up before the sun to collect eggs for our breakfast, hanging our laundry out to dry on sunny days, learning to can, sitting with my girls on a cold evening as we work on a quilt together. I was born a few hundred years late.
I lost a few of my ratties these past few weeks, but I cannot count them in with the losses from the illness. Nope, these girls were getting on in age and I know it was just there time. I seriously think I need to step back from the rats for now. I am thinking of rehoming all the pets except for the two gliders. The children seem to have lost interest in pets lately. I am sure it is just that they are very intune to my feelings and picked it up from me. I had hoped that Pepper would be my dog forever. I think I am searching for another Little Bit. He is not a bad dog, but he is a boring old man. He barks a tad too much and it has gotten him in trouble with Luis, as Pepper does not like Luis, and I do not blame him at all. He does not bark when the girls come in and will only start to snarl when Joey comes in, but with adult males he will bark, and does not know when to quit. My mother lent me a bark collar. I took it into Petsmart to get a battery, but came out empty handed. The stupid bitch there told me that those batteries are very specialized and as they only carry pet safe than they would not have it. I asked if they had a little screw driver so we could open it up and check, at which she vanished to check on a screw driver, never to return the cunt. I spoke with another employee that told me IF they did have one that no one there would know where to find it. I left. I better find where the collar is and open it so that when one of my checks come in I can get the battery. Maybe if Pepper wears it for a few weeks the barking will stop. I don't know. He does not potty in the house. He cuddles. He loves car rides. He loves going for walks. He listens off leash outside, I could go on with the good points. But...he is of course beyond his puppy days. He does not WANT to learn new tricks. He is content to lay around most of the day. I know he is a middle aged male. I have to remember the new rule I have for myself...ONLY FEMALE, no male dogs. I do not know. Maybe Pepper will stay with us. I feel like he needs us and he is not that much work at all. Poor old man. If only he would get over the barking. He sleeps with me, snuggles with me, follows me everywhere, but...I don't know.