My 80's sophomoric teen movie character...
[Into Megaphone] Attention campers… ATTENTION campers… HEY! SHUT THE HELL UP!!!
[Puts megaphone down]
Alright, now listen up because if there's one thing I CAN'T STAND, it's having to REPEAT myself… Let's start with introductions. My name is NOT "counselor", it is not "dude" and it sure as Hell isn't "Dad"… My name is "Mister Boner"* or "Sir" if you're too DUMB to remember that! Now, as your counselor, it is my duty to help you experience a summer filled with the magic of friendship and the wonders of the great outdoors… At least that's what the brochure says, but if we can get back to planet EARTH for just a second, let's talk about why we're REALLY here… YOU'RE here because your parents are so sick and tired of dealing with your CRAP, they're willing to shell out hundreds of dollars just to get away from your annoying little asses for a whole month, and I'M here because it's part of my community service settlement, and let me tell you, in retrospect, I should've chosen prison because A) The food's better and B) There's FEWER sociopaths to deal with. That said… Welcome to camp Keenamawanna… Or as I like to call it "Four Weeks of Living Hell"!
*(Pronounced "boh-NYAY")
[Puts megaphone down]
Alright, now listen up because if there's one thing I CAN'T STAND, it's having to REPEAT myself… Let's start with introductions. My name is NOT "counselor", it is not "dude" and it sure as Hell isn't "Dad"… My name is "Mister Boner"* or "Sir" if you're too DUMB to remember that! Now, as your counselor, it is my duty to help you experience a summer filled with the magic of friendship and the wonders of the great outdoors… At least that's what the brochure says, but if we can get back to planet EARTH for just a second, let's talk about why we're REALLY here… YOU'RE here because your parents are so sick and tired of dealing with your CRAP, they're willing to shell out hundreds of dollars just to get away from your annoying little asses for a whole month, and I'M here because it's part of my community service settlement, and let me tell you, in retrospect, I should've chosen prison because A) The food's better and B) There's FEWER sociopaths to deal with. That said… Welcome to camp Keenamawanna… Or as I like to call it "Four Weeks of Living Hell"!
*(Pronounced "boh-NYAY")