Days Like Today
I decided to talk to that person again, as she messaged me first, and so I just replied back. I wanted to help during the hard times she was going through, although I was breaking down from some news I found out about, I tried to help her. I don't know what I did wrong, and I still feel like crap for what happened. I was 'unfriended' and I have no reason or explanation to why. From what I was told, it was so she would stop making me feel bad or something. When I got back from class and saw what was done, I couldn't help but feel used and feel like I did something wrong again.
So, today was just a crying day for me, knowing he's getting sick again, not feeling good and feeling betrayed. But as usual, my ttal and my aduel came to me and held me. But even when they did I shook. I'm still grateful for them coming to help me, but when he came on just to wish 'happy 2 months anniversary' I broke down into tears. He told me there's no tears though today because it's our special day together, our 2 months anniversary. This means we've been together for 2 months already, and it represents all the hard things we've been together. And the three of them calmed me down and we had fun again.
I remember the warning he, my aduel and my lollipop hyung gave me when I first said I should offer to talk to her. They both told me to stay away from her, and ignore her. But I didn't listen, being the stupid kid I am, thinking I can help. Listening to her talk about her current boyfriend whom she dumped me for and then talk about my current boyfriend were like daggers to me. I admit, when I first dated my current boyfriend, I felt like I stole him... the ways she phrased everything, it was like he belonged to her, and they loved each other, and I just stepped foot into a relationship that I shouldn't have and I was ruining everything... And I still do feel like that... that she doesn't just like him like a father, or a friend but more than that... and on days like this, when I doubt, when I break down, when I have my ongoing stomach problems and headache and fever, I give up... I want to give up and just disappear hiding in the closet. On days like this, I wonder if I really DID ruin their relationship.
Because everyday that feeling stings me more and more... that I DID ruin everything, that I should be the one that's gone... but these are the days when I go and sit in my bed curled into a ball wishing everything go away... so I thank the three of them, they pulled me back to my feet and told me to smile again.
So, today was just a crying day for me, knowing he's getting sick again, not feeling good and feeling betrayed. But as usual, my ttal and my aduel came to me and held me. But even when they did I shook. I'm still grateful for them coming to help me, but when he came on just to wish 'happy 2 months anniversary' I broke down into tears. He told me there's no tears though today because it's our special day together, our 2 months anniversary. This means we've been together for 2 months already, and it represents all the hard things we've been together. And the three of them calmed me down and we had fun again.
I remember the warning he, my aduel and my lollipop hyung gave me when I first said I should offer to talk to her. They both told me to stay away from her, and ignore her. But I didn't listen, being the stupid kid I am, thinking I can help. Listening to her talk about her current boyfriend whom she dumped me for and then talk about my current boyfriend were like daggers to me. I admit, when I first dated my current boyfriend, I felt like I stole him... the ways she phrased everything, it was like he belonged to her, and they loved each other, and I just stepped foot into a relationship that I shouldn't have and I was ruining everything... And I still do feel like that... that she doesn't just like him like a father, or a friend but more than that... and on days like this, when I doubt, when I break down, when I have my ongoing stomach problems and headache and fever, I give up... I want to give up and just disappear hiding in the closet. On days like this, I wonder if I really DID ruin their relationship.
Because everyday that feeling stings me more and more... that I DID ruin everything, that I should be the one that's gone... but these are the days when I go and sit in my bed curled into a ball wishing everything go away... so I thank the three of them, they pulled me back to my feet and told me to smile again.