7 Months
So I wrote in my tumblr yesterday about 7 months. It's funny how I change around with these two sites. I guess livejournal is the place I go to write my longer rants. So lately, my sister has been sick, my mom has some weird pain thing going on. Today I was on call for them. Whenever they wanted something I had to get my butt ready and get to work. And for some reason, about an hour ago, I started rejecting food again. It's not only food though, seems like water doesn't wanna stay either. I keep wanting to gag and I don't know, I feel really out of it.
I'm not sure what I have, just a sneeze here or there, a weird headache, and for some reason no matter how much I sleep I'm always tired. Not to mention I have work with them kiddies tomorrow. Let's hope that girl that hates me doesn't kill me again tomorrow, cause it's tiring and gives me a hell of a hard time. Kiddies are fun, well most of them are, but sometimes it just gets to me and I wanna kill someone. I'm a patient person, but that girl, she's the manliest girl I've ever seen. She can seriously drive you crazy.
Anyways, this post isn't about work or health, more like things that I want to say. I forgot the date of each day. So I didn't realize the seventh was the day before. I realized when I had trouble falling asleep and checked the date. I guess he was proud of me. I wore hyung's SHINee shirt and did the things he wanted me to do. What a funny thing, I did things without realizing it was an important date. Well, I had trouble falling asleep. I fell asleep at 4am and woke up two hours later. Hyung was on so we talked a bit and she asked me to go back to bed. I tried really hard and I think I slept a little more until I just stayed awake.
Maybe there really is something wrong with me. Not sure what it is, but I've been an even more sensitive person lately. Funny isn't it? I never knew I could be anymore sensitive than I am already. But when people bring up talks about marriage or boyfriends I try to zone them out or change the topic. Sometimes I just stand up and walk away. I've been a pretty moody person. I snap a lot and been angry at a lot of people. I'm cranky all the time and when someone gets on my bad side I just yell and snap. I don't know what's the matter but it's like I'm a whole different person now. And it scares me.
Like another person is living in me and I can't seem to get it out. So, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I seem out of it, don't wanna talk, I just can't talk with a lot of people without snapping, without getting angry or upset. I've just been really moody. And I don't wanna bother anyone about it. Hyung's sick and stressed I don't wanna worry her. Aniki's busy with work and his fans, his fans already think something's wrong with me cause of a wallpost I left on his wall, I don't wanna bug him. Onii-chan's busy with school and finishing off everything, I don't wanna make him waste his time on me. Dongsaeng's busy with dance academy and running towards his dreams, I don't wanna distract him. Ray's busy with finishing off everything at school, I don't wanna annoy him. Feels like I've been a big luggage and bookbag to everyone, just another burden for them to carry on their way. I wished this stupid stomach would listen, I wished I knew what was going on, I wished I didn't burden others. I should just stop writing and keep my mouth shut. I'm sorry.
I'm not sure what I have, just a sneeze here or there, a weird headache, and for some reason no matter how much I sleep I'm always tired. Not to mention I have work with them kiddies tomorrow. Let's hope that girl that hates me doesn't kill me again tomorrow, cause it's tiring and gives me a hell of a hard time. Kiddies are fun, well most of them are, but sometimes it just gets to me and I wanna kill someone. I'm a patient person, but that girl, she's the manliest girl I've ever seen. She can seriously drive you crazy.
Anyways, this post isn't about work or health, more like things that I want to say. I forgot the date of each day. So I didn't realize the seventh was the day before. I realized when I had trouble falling asleep and checked the date. I guess he was proud of me. I wore hyung's SHINee shirt and did the things he wanted me to do. What a funny thing, I did things without realizing it was an important date. Well, I had trouble falling asleep. I fell asleep at 4am and woke up two hours later. Hyung was on so we talked a bit and she asked me to go back to bed. I tried really hard and I think I slept a little more until I just stayed awake.
Maybe there really is something wrong with me. Not sure what it is, but I've been an even more sensitive person lately. Funny isn't it? I never knew I could be anymore sensitive than I am already. But when people bring up talks about marriage or boyfriends I try to zone them out or change the topic. Sometimes I just stand up and walk away. I've been a pretty moody person. I snap a lot and been angry at a lot of people. I'm cranky all the time and when someone gets on my bad side I just yell and snap. I don't know what's the matter but it's like I'm a whole different person now. And it scares me.
Like another person is living in me and I can't seem to get it out. So, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I seem out of it, don't wanna talk, I just can't talk with a lot of people without snapping, without getting angry or upset. I've just been really moody. And I don't wanna bother anyone about it. Hyung's sick and stressed I don't wanna worry her. Aniki's busy with work and his fans, his fans already think something's wrong with me cause of a wallpost I left on his wall, I don't wanna bug him. Onii-chan's busy with school and finishing off everything, I don't wanna make him waste his time on me. Dongsaeng's busy with dance academy and running towards his dreams, I don't wanna distract him. Ray's busy with finishing off everything at school, I don't wanna annoy him. Feels like I've been a big luggage and bookbag to everyone, just another burden for them to carry on their way. I wished this stupid stomach would listen, I wished I knew what was going on, I wished I didn't burden others. I should just stop writing and keep my mouth shut. I'm sorry.