La Traviata Abridged for Today's Audiences: Act II, Scene I
Act II, Scene I
Violetta's Extremely Expensive House in the Country
Alfredo: *sings the Happy Happy Joy Joy aria*
Annina: *enters* Hey Alfredo, I'm just passing through on my way to sell all Violetta's stuff so she can keep supporting your useless ass. She totally told me in the strictest confidence to keep all that a secret from you, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't rat me out, KTHNXBYE! *leaves*
Alfredo: Wait a minute, you mean living in an expensive house in the country actually costs money and stuff?
Alfredo: *sings tenor aria part deux: ZOMG I'm kind of a douche!* *rushes off to get some cash or something*
Violetta: *enters with Annina* So, where's Alfredo again?
Annina: He's in Paris, not that I would know anything about that, whoops, gotta go! *leaves*
Some Servant: Some guy is here to see you.
Violetta: What a coincidence, I just happen to be expecting some guy. Show him in!
Germont: I'm Alfredo's dad.
Violetta: ZOMGWTF? Alfredo has a dad?
Germont: I'm here to ask you to stop spending Alfredo's money.
Violetta: I coincidentally happen to have proof right here that I'm not spending any of Alfredo's money.
Germont: *facepalm* Great, my son is an even bigger douche than I feared. Also, you're awesome. Nevertheless, you have to dump him because he has... a sister.
Violetta: ZOMGWTF? Alfredo has a sister?
Germont: *sings aria: Alfredo's douchebaggery is going to ruin us all*
Violetta: Do I really have to dump him now? Can't they just hold on until act III when I'll be stone dead from a romanticized terminal disease?
Germont: You're young and hot and apparently really good at your job. Just find someone else and live happily ever after far away from Alfredo.
Violetta: Ummm I don't think you heard me. I'm like, dying and stuff.
Germont: Oh come on, you look completely healthy to me. Dump Alfredo.
Violetta: *sigh* Okay, I'll leave him. Just promise me you'll tell him what really happened after I'm dead.
Germont: I promise. Not that I'll have to worry about that because you're totally fine.
Violetta: Nope. Sorry. I'm dying. Anyways, embrace me as a daughter and then hang around so you can a scene with Alfredo after I dump his ass.
Germont: Have a happy life! *leaves*
Violetta: *facepalm* Oh well, better start writing that "Dear John" for Alfredo.
Alfredo: Hey baby, watcha doin?
Violetta: I'm writing you a letter.
Alfredo: That doesn't sound good.
Violetta: Promise me you'll remember how much I love and care about you no matter what happens! *sniffle* *tear*
Alfredo: Ummm 'kay.
Violetta: So, you understand that no matter what I'm about to do, I will still totally love and adore you more than anything in the whole world and you won't freak out and hate me. *choke* *sob*
Alfredo: We're totally cool, baby!
Violetta: *weep* *gasp* KTHNXBYE! *leaves*
Some servant: Violetta just hauled ass to Paris along with Annina and all her stuff.
Alfredo: Yeah, she does that. No big whoop.
Some other guy: Some lady gave me this note for you.
Alfredo: *reads* ZOMG she's totally breaking up with me! What a shock! I never had the slightest idea that anything was up!
Germont: Alfredo! *hugz* Come on, let's go back to the country and forget whatever just happened that I could possibly know about having only just walked in!
Alfredo: Country, shmountry. I'm going to Paris to get even with that slut bitch whore who dumped me. VIOLETTA SMASH!!!
Germont: *facepalm*
Violetta's Extremely Expensive House in the Country
Alfredo: *sings the Happy Happy Joy Joy aria*
Annina: *enters* Hey Alfredo, I'm just passing through on my way to sell all Violetta's stuff so she can keep supporting your useless ass. She totally told me in the strictest confidence to keep all that a secret from you, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't rat me out, KTHNXBYE! *leaves*
Alfredo: Wait a minute, you mean living in an expensive house in the country actually costs money and stuff?
Alfredo: *sings tenor aria part deux: ZOMG I'm kind of a douche!* *rushes off to get some cash or something*
Violetta: *enters with Annina* So, where's Alfredo again?
Annina: He's in Paris, not that I would know anything about that, whoops, gotta go! *leaves*
Some Servant: Some guy is here to see you.
Violetta: What a coincidence, I just happen to be expecting some guy. Show him in!
Germont: I'm Alfredo's dad.
Violetta: ZOMGWTF? Alfredo has a dad?
Germont: I'm here to ask you to stop spending Alfredo's money.
Violetta: I coincidentally happen to have proof right here that I'm not spending any of Alfredo's money.
Germont: *facepalm* Great, my son is an even bigger douche than I feared. Also, you're awesome. Nevertheless, you have to dump him because he has... a sister.
Violetta: ZOMGWTF? Alfredo has a sister?
Germont: *sings aria: Alfredo's douchebaggery is going to ruin us all*
Violetta: Do I really have to dump him now? Can't they just hold on until act III when I'll be stone dead from a romanticized terminal disease?
Germont: You're young and hot and apparently really good at your job. Just find someone else and live happily ever after far away from Alfredo.
Violetta: Ummm I don't think you heard me. I'm like, dying and stuff.
Germont: Oh come on, you look completely healthy to me. Dump Alfredo.
Violetta: *sigh* Okay, I'll leave him. Just promise me you'll tell him what really happened after I'm dead.
Germont: I promise. Not that I'll have to worry about that because you're totally fine.
Violetta: Nope. Sorry. I'm dying. Anyways, embrace me as a daughter and then hang around so you can a scene with Alfredo after I dump his ass.
Germont: Have a happy life! *leaves*
Violetta: *facepalm* Oh well, better start writing that "Dear John" for Alfredo.
Alfredo: Hey baby, watcha doin?
Violetta: I'm writing you a letter.
Alfredo: That doesn't sound good.
Violetta: Promise me you'll remember how much I love and care about you no matter what happens! *sniffle* *tear*
Alfredo: Ummm 'kay.
Violetta: So, you understand that no matter what I'm about to do, I will still totally love and adore you more than anything in the whole world and you won't freak out and hate me. *choke* *sob*
Alfredo: We're totally cool, baby!
Violetta: *weep* *gasp* KTHNXBYE! *leaves*
Some servant: Violetta just hauled ass to Paris along with Annina and all her stuff.
Alfredo: Yeah, she does that. No big whoop.
Some other guy: Some lady gave me this note for you.
Alfredo: *reads* ZOMG she's totally breaking up with me! What a shock! I never had the slightest idea that anything was up!
Germont: Alfredo! *hugz* Come on, let's go back to the country and forget whatever just happened that I could possibly know about having only just walked in!
Alfredo: Country, shmountry. I'm going to Paris to get even with that slut bitch whore who dumped me. VIOLETTA SMASH!!!
Germont: *facepalm*