Announcement and Opera Abridged for Modern Audience's: La Traviata Part One
As you may or may not have noticed, this journal has experienced a regime change. That rename token has been burning a hole in my inbox since December.
As of now, this blog has been taken over by me, Diane. I will be doing most of the blogging from now on, with occasional guest blogs by the angry goth soprano herself, Tytania Strange and our newest guest blogger, Mildred Binglebat, the perpetually aspiring opera singer.
I'll clean house a little later on, but for now, here's La Traviata abridged for modern audiences.
Act I
Violetta's freaky house party
Violetta: Let's party down!
Flora, Some Guy and Some Other Guy: Umm aren't you supposed to be dying or something?
Violetta: Not until act III. Rock the house!
The Chorus: W00t!
Gaston: Meet my friend Alfredo. He's been stalking you for a year.
Violetta: Oh, so you're the guy who's been hiding in the bushes outside my window! That's so sweet and romantic! (looks at the Baron) Unlike you, you jerk.
Baron: WTF? Stalking is cool now? I don't even know you that well.
Edward Cullen: *takes notes, stalking = twoo wuv!*
Marquis: Let's have a pointless song!
Chorus: Yes, yes! A pointless song that doesn't advance the plot.
Verdi: *would probably be ticked if he knew that, a hundred years after his death, Bucca di Beppo will be playing this song constantly without having to pay any royalties at all*
Alfredo: *sings a song that you definitely know if you happen to like dining at Bucca di Beppo: Drink, Be Merry and Order an Appetizer*
Violetta: *sings the song too, because this is her opera, dammit*
Violetta: *cough* *gack*
Everyone: ZOMG WTF ARE YOU OKAY????
Violetta: No, I'm cool. You all go off and party offstage without me.
Everyone: K, bye! *everyone leaves via stage right*
Violetta: *bitchface* ZOMG Alfredo! You came back!
Alfredo: Well, I am stalking you, you know. Also, I love you! Here's a famous love song on the house! *sings Schmaltz, Endless Schmaltz*
Violetta: *comes up with seventeen different euphemisms for prostitute, but Alfredo either doesn't get it or doesn't care* Well, then, here's a camellia, just in case you're wondering what book this opera is based on. Come back when it's faded!
Alfredo: Tomorrow!
Violetta: Or Intermission, whichever comes first!
Everyone: We're back to let you know that we're leaving now. Bye! *everyone leaves via stage left*
Violetta: *sings the famous aria How strange! I could be totally in love with him and it could totally turn my life around. Or not. Meh, I think I'll just drink and party myself into an early grave.*
As of now, this blog has been taken over by me, Diane. I will be doing most of the blogging from now on, with occasional guest blogs by the angry goth soprano herself, Tytania Strange and our newest guest blogger, Mildred Binglebat, the perpetually aspiring opera singer.
I'll clean house a little later on, but for now, here's La Traviata abridged for modern audiences.
Act I
Violetta's freaky house party
Violetta: Let's party down!
Flora, Some Guy and Some Other Guy: Umm aren't you supposed to be dying or something?
Violetta: Not until act III. Rock the house!
The Chorus: W00t!
Gaston: Meet my friend Alfredo. He's been stalking you for a year.
Violetta: Oh, so you're the guy who's been hiding in the bushes outside my window! That's so sweet and romantic! (looks at the Baron) Unlike you, you jerk.
Baron: WTF? Stalking is cool now? I don't even know you that well.
Edward Cullen: *takes notes, stalking = twoo wuv!*
Marquis: Let's have a pointless song!
Chorus: Yes, yes! A pointless song that doesn't advance the plot.
Verdi: *would probably be ticked if he knew that, a hundred years after his death, Bucca di Beppo will be playing this song constantly without having to pay any royalties at all*
Alfredo: *sings a song that you definitely know if you happen to like dining at Bucca di Beppo: Drink, Be Merry and Order an Appetizer*
Violetta: *sings the song too, because this is her opera, dammit*
Violetta: *cough* *gack*
Everyone: ZOMG WTF ARE YOU OKAY????
Violetta: No, I'm cool. You all go off and party offstage without me.
Everyone: K, bye! *everyone leaves via stage right*
Violetta: *bitchface* ZOMG Alfredo! You came back!
Alfredo: Well, I am stalking you, you know. Also, I love you! Here's a famous love song on the house! *sings Schmaltz, Endless Schmaltz*
Violetta: *comes up with seventeen different euphemisms for prostitute, but Alfredo either doesn't get it or doesn't care* Well, then, here's a camellia, just in case you're wondering what book this opera is based on. Come back when it's faded!
Alfredo: Tomorrow!
Violetta: Or Intermission, whichever comes first!
Everyone: We're back to let you know that we're leaving now. Bye! *everyone leaves via stage left*
Violetta: *sings the famous aria How strange! I could be totally in love with him and it could totally turn my life around. Or not. Meh, I think I'll just drink and party myself into an early grave.*