La Traviata Abridged for Today's Audiences: Act II, Scene II
Act II: Scene II
A party at Flora's house... which looks almost exactly like Violetta's house
Flora: Party time at my place! Violetta and Alfredo should be here any minute.
Some Guy: Haven't you heard about their messy break-up in the last scene that I somehow know all about?
Flora: Er... Look, gypsies!
Women's Chorus: Let's sing a gypsy song that has absolutely nothing to do with the plot!
Dancers: *do a gypsy dance*
Men's Chorus: Let us also sing a song about Toreadors that also has no bearing on the plot.
Dancers: *are channeling Bizet's Carmen*
Everyone: Well, now that's over with. Let's gamble!
Alfredo: *enters*
Everyone: Holy crap! It's Alfredo!
Flora: So, about Violetta...
Alfredo: Oh I'm totes over it.
Everyone: Cool beans. Come and gamble!
Alfredo: *wins like a scrillion dollars*
Violetta: *enters with the Baron*
Baron: ALFREDO SMASH!
Violetta: Oh crap. * cough* *tear*
Flora: So, Alfredo, now that you've won a bunch of money, what are you going to do?
Alfredo: I'm going to Disneyland only not with that slut bitch whore who dumped me in the last scene!
Alfredo's best friend: ZOMG you're being a douche.
Violetta: *sigh* *sniffle* *cough*
Baron: I challenge you to the card game of doom!
Alfredo: I accept your challenge!
Violetta: *facepalm* *angst* *cough*
Alfredo: *wins another scrillion dollars* How about another game?
Baron: How about I kick your pansy ass six ways from Sunday?
Flora: Oh look, dinner's ready. Time for everyone to exit!
Everyone: Cool! *leaves*
Violetta: Alfredo, heed my warning and leave before the baron pops a cap in your ass!
Alfredo: You're just scared that I'll win the duel.
Violetta: Sweetie, I hate to break it to you, but you really are kind of a wuss. You need to get the hell out of Dodge.
Alfredo: Then come with me!
Violetta: No can do. We're broken up! Besides, I'm all degraded and stuff.
Alfredo: You're dumping me because you're in love with the Baron!
Violetta: Fine. Whatever.
Alfredo: EVERYONE GET BACK IN HERE RIGHT NOW!!!
Everyone: What's your damage?
Alfredo: Observe as I defend my honor by acting like a total asshat in public. Violetta supported me and loved me and stuff, the lying cheating whore slut bitch! Behold, I shall throw money at her to repay her!
Everyone: ZOMG YOU ARE SUCH A DOUCHE!!!!
Germont: *who somehow knew to show up here* Indeed, who is this product of the Massengill Corporation and what has he done with my son Alfredo!
*from this point on, everyone will be singing at the same time, so lots of luck deciphering what's going on*
Alfredo: Oh crap. I'm a douche.
Violetta: *cough* If only there was some way I could tell Alfredo how much I love him, because, apparently, despite having told him 20,000 times over the past two scenes, he still doesn't get it.
Alfredo: I am remorseful because I suck.
Germont: I am remorseful because Alfredo sucks.
Flora and friends: We totally love and support you, Violetta!
Baron: I am going to kill Alfredo during the scene change!
Violetta: I will love Alfredo until I die!!
Flora and friends: You'll get over it.
Alfredo: I hate myself because I suck.
Germont: I could probably fix all this by explaining the truth but.. nah. She'll get over it and live a long life.
Violetta: I will love Alfredo until I die which will be really soon! *cough* *sob* faints*
Orchestra: *plays dramatic chords of impending doom*
End of Act II
A party at Flora's house... which looks almost exactly like Violetta's house
Flora: Party time at my place! Violetta and Alfredo should be here any minute.
Some Guy: Haven't you heard about their messy break-up in the last scene that I somehow know all about?
Flora: Er... Look, gypsies!
Women's Chorus: Let's sing a gypsy song that has absolutely nothing to do with the plot!
Dancers: *do a gypsy dance*
Men's Chorus: Let us also sing a song about Toreadors that also has no bearing on the plot.
Dancers: *are channeling Bizet's Carmen*
Everyone: Well, now that's over with. Let's gamble!
Alfredo: *enters*
Everyone: Holy crap! It's Alfredo!
Flora: So, about Violetta...
Alfredo: Oh I'm totes over it.
Everyone: Cool beans. Come and gamble!
Alfredo: *wins like a scrillion dollars*
Violetta: *enters with the Baron*
Baron: ALFREDO SMASH!
Violetta: Oh crap. * cough* *tear*
Flora: So, Alfredo, now that you've won a bunch of money, what are you going to do?
Alfredo: I'm going to Disneyland only not with that slut bitch whore who dumped me in the last scene!
Alfredo's best friend: ZOMG you're being a douche.
Violetta: *sigh* *sniffle* *cough*
Baron: I challenge you to the card game of doom!
Alfredo: I accept your challenge!
Violetta: *facepalm* *angst* *cough*
Alfredo: *wins another scrillion dollars* How about another game?
Baron: How about I kick your pansy ass six ways from Sunday?
Flora: Oh look, dinner's ready. Time for everyone to exit!
Everyone: Cool! *leaves*
Violetta: Alfredo, heed my warning and leave before the baron pops a cap in your ass!
Alfredo: You're just scared that I'll win the duel.
Violetta: Sweetie, I hate to break it to you, but you really are kind of a wuss. You need to get the hell out of Dodge.
Alfredo: Then come with me!
Violetta: No can do. We're broken up! Besides, I'm all degraded and stuff.
Alfredo: You're dumping me because you're in love with the Baron!
Violetta: Fine. Whatever.
Alfredo: EVERYONE GET BACK IN HERE RIGHT NOW!!!
Everyone: What's your damage?
Alfredo: Observe as I defend my honor by acting like a total asshat in public. Violetta supported me and loved me and stuff, the lying cheating whore slut bitch! Behold, I shall throw money at her to repay her!
Everyone: ZOMG YOU ARE SUCH A DOUCHE!!!!
Germont: *who somehow knew to show up here* Indeed, who is this product of the Massengill Corporation and what has he done with my son Alfredo!
*from this point on, everyone will be singing at the same time, so lots of luck deciphering what's going on*
Alfredo: Oh crap. I'm a douche.
Violetta: *cough* If only there was some way I could tell Alfredo how much I love him, because, apparently, despite having told him 20,000 times over the past two scenes, he still doesn't get it.
Alfredo: I am remorseful because I suck.
Germont: I am remorseful because Alfredo sucks.
Flora and friends: We totally love and support you, Violetta!
Baron: I am going to kill Alfredo during the scene change!
Violetta: I will love Alfredo until I die!!
Flora and friends: You'll get over it.
Alfredo: I hate myself because I suck.
Germont: I could probably fix all this by explaining the truth but.. nah. She'll get over it and live a long life.
Violetta: I will love Alfredo until I die which will be really soon! *cough* *sob* faints*
Orchestra: *plays dramatic chords of impending doom*
End of Act II