Hi everybody!
Well, I haven't updated since a long time ago, or something, so I guess its good to keep you posted. I don't think it's really my concern to get my word out at all, but I dunno, this is more like im typing to me and people just so happen to read it. I'd like to equate that to the restaurant, just like I do with everything: tickets flow in and I fulfill them but it's not like I'm making them for customers, it's more like the tickets are telling me to do something and I do them with no concern for what happens to them outside, I make them solely for my enjoyment and people happen to buy them and eat them. Good for those people. Anywho.
So, like always, im changing. This seems to me more of a change thats happening, rather than one I'm affecting in myself. Work is doing it, that and age/biology. I like it, I feel like I have more dignity. Not in the sense of dignity that everyone gives to me, that is a quality of how others look at me, it's from me, it's from work and doing what I do with love and for me and only me. Sure i get paid for it and could get fired if I did it wrong, but thats not the point, the quality of independance is inside of me, and it cannot be squelched or changed. I like that.
Life has been hard and I like a challenge, the pain I've been feeling is making me resilient, is giving me context for what the pain is, and it's been good. Good in the way that bucking trees all day and then lying down in your bed and feeling your body ache is good, tired to the bones from using your body good. I'm envious of my college bound friends though, and I want to do that soon. And I need to travel, and I need to learn, and I need to study philosophy/martial arts. My true passions. God damn thats a lot of work, but I guess being true to yourself and looking drectly into your own soul and browbeating yourself over your passions really are. Good god, I will have a wonderful life in spite of anything that happens to me, as long as I can stay genuine to me, I'll never thirst.
Good night, guys.
P.S. man this is a load of disconnected shit.
So, like always, im changing. This seems to me more of a change thats happening, rather than one I'm affecting in myself. Work is doing it, that and age/biology. I like it, I feel like I have more dignity. Not in the sense of dignity that everyone gives to me, that is a quality of how others look at me, it's from me, it's from work and doing what I do with love and for me and only me. Sure i get paid for it and could get fired if I did it wrong, but thats not the point, the quality of independance is inside of me, and it cannot be squelched or changed. I like that.
Life has been hard and I like a challenge, the pain I've been feeling is making me resilient, is giving me context for what the pain is, and it's been good. Good in the way that bucking trees all day and then lying down in your bed and feeling your body ache is good, tired to the bones from using your body good. I'm envious of my college bound friends though, and I want to do that soon. And I need to travel, and I need to learn, and I need to study philosophy/martial arts. My true passions. God damn thats a lot of work, but I guess being true to yourself and looking drectly into your own soul and browbeating yourself over your passions really are. Good god, I will have a wonderful life in spite of anything that happens to me, as long as I can stay genuine to me, I'll never thirst.
Good night, guys.
P.S. man this is a load of disconnected shit.